Relationships

I think that’s what it is .. I’ve been through a lot with relationships .. I’ve never had good luck with them .. after taking two years off of dating and not wanting to date except hook up or have fun i meet a woman who wanted the same ..well we happened to like eachother alot and get into a relationship.. she ends up being amazing and super supportive of my and mental issues. One moment I’m secure and confident and then the next after three months together start my normal ocd process of questioning if I wanna be here if she’s the one if I love her or if there’s someone else .. it’s really annoying even though I know I really don’t wanna leave but I still obsess about it.. we’ll now I’m in the headspace of doubting she loves me or maybe she’s tired of me already even though nothing different has changed .. I don’t want reassurance and to nag about if she loves me .. when I thought about this stuff a couple weeks ago I asked and she told me flat out she loves and cares about me and thinks I’m amazing .. that thought of wondering if she loves me then turned around again to me thinking what if I don’t love her or wanna be here ? Lmfao is that relationship ocd or am I just really damaged .

Over a year together with him, and I’ve just recently learned that I have relationship OCD and perfectionist OCD. We talked about it, but I can sense it breaking his heart when I tell him that I cycle between wanting to marry him to breaking up over and over everyday. Constantly evaluating every word or action of his, what shirt he wears that day, how he brushed his hair, what he ate for lunch, who he talked to, what he spent money on, etc any of these things can trigger me into an episode of intrusive thoughts about him not being the one, he’s wrong for me, I’m trapped, I need to get out. It can also swing the other way to me feeling an impulse to go to the courthouse and get married right there. I know that I love him, I always desire to spend time with him; and I picture my future with him in it. He’s such a wonderful person. I don’t know how to stop this emotional rollercoaster my mind straps me into everyday. I just want to be in love and feel secure. How will I ever get married with all of these doubts attacking me everyday?? I can’t stop myself from constantly lecturing him on his flaws and what he needs to change for me to love him more consistently. I feel like a cold and evil person. Will I ever have clarity? Is he really as flawed as I think he is or am I sabotaging the best thing in my life?

I feel like OCD ruins so much. My boyfriend broke up with me because of it. It got to a point where I made him do compulsions (ex: open and close the door a certain amount of times). I have OCD in combination with PTSD so I would get triggers often. He got to a point where he got up and left me while I was at work and cut contact completely. I don’t know how to feel and I feel like a failure. It’s been two months and my OCD has been nonstop telling me I was an abuser or narcissistic and that’s why he left. Everyone tells me I’m a broken record… but they don’t know that this is torture for me, too. I wish I could start over with my ex, but I can’t, and that bothers my OCD, too. Lack of control. I also seem to have memory issues in that relationship, I can’t remember what happened or not, and I’m not sure if that’s part of my OCD.