Anyone else hypersexual as a child and now suffering with excruciating guilt about past experiences?? I feel like i deserve to be ruthlessly bullied over what I did. I’d do anything to take it all back, and i cannot forgive myself for possibly causing any harm
I think it's a common occurrence but yeah I struggle a lot with it too. Hardest theme by far. But ultimately reassurance isn't going to get me anywhere so I need to do ERP and just accept how I don't know what it makes me as a person which will be very difficult
But every human has inherent worth, and especially actions as a minor just aren't fair to judge because they're not adults yet. At least in my beliefs. But I know there is potential for some people to disagree and I just have to accept that
@seagull2 thank you! i hope you’re feeling okay, this was very helpful
@katebeff You're welcome. I know some baseline reassurance to ground people can be good. But ultimately we have to accept not knowing what these events mean about us and how to decipher them. Letting figuring it out go is so hard, but it's possible. I don't mean self forgiveness, because that is another compulsion as you are looking for immediate relief. I have been on my journey so far trying to figure out if I'm a bad person or not secretly in the back of my head. Its like an ulterior motive, where I do exposures yet hope that doing enough will make the anxiety go away and I won't think people would have a bad view of me, as a sort of assurance. But I have to let that go too, not being sure what others would think. Every form of immediate relief or forgiveness I have tried and I feel the same awful feelings a few hours later. I can literally see the OCD cycle in action, and yet I still hope to myself even if it's small that I'll be absolved of everything. I have to accept I just won't know that. Sorry for the long ramble but I know it is possible to get past this as I have with other OCD themes. Good luck and we got this! Make sure to see an ERP therapist if you can, NOCD obviously being the easiest option.
@seagull2 I wish we could accept reassurance like people who don't have OCD but our treatment is paradoxical. And reassurance never works. You have to accept all your fears as maybe true etc. In my situation I told my therapist and she told me it wasn't an illegal event but something I am still not feeling good about and I won't ever be ultimately reassured about it because that's not how this doubting disease works. I have to accept EVERY scary thought, even if it feels like too much at times. It is possible. Anxiety won't kill you, and it passes like every other emotion.
yes i feel the exact same
@cs223 how old r u?? it is so horrible 😭
@katebeff im 17 hbu?
@cs223 16! do u have an insta if u wanna vent ?
@katebeff my ig is charlizesinclairr if i take a while to respond im sorry i am busy atm
@cs223 just followed u ☺️
Now my ocd is telling me I’m bad for clicking on this post 😭
@Anonymous you are safe ❤️
@katebeff Thanks but don’t feel like it though 😭❤️
@Anonymous me neither, but no feeling is ever temporary
@katebeff Thank you :) sending positive vibes to you
(20f) I have been dealing with severe OCD symptoms for as long as I can remember. I recently got diagnosed about a year ago, and even though I know that these thoughts are probably my ocd, I still cant shake them. Growing up I was always very sexually curious. I was sheltered from a lot of things, as I went to a private school and things like sexuality and sex were never talked about. I remember doing some weird sexual things growing up (never affecting another person), looking up taboo sexual things, etc. I always seemed to become aroused no matter what the situation was, even if I just saw someone getting changed. I have no recollection of being SA'd, so i'm wondering where this all came from? Was I just curious and wanted to experiment and try different things? Or am I really a pervert, pedophile, etc. I have all these thoughts racing through my head and it's killing me. Everything I did as a kid I look back on and am disgusted, as those don't align with my views at all today. I never thought growing up thinking these things were wrong, or actually realize what they were until I got older. I'd like to think it was just my curiosity, but i'm not sure. What if i'm in denial and actually do like these things? I just need to know if theres something wrong w me, I cant keep going on like this. Could really use some advice.
Getting eaten alive by thoughts right now, when I was a child me and other kids around my age would experiment and do things we shouldn’t have, I’m talking very young, like 3-5 as I got older I was for whatever reason always curious to a horrible extent and it lead me to do in appropriate things to kids around me, I was 7-8 at the time. I would say it happened 3 times in total in my childhood. And i eventually told my parents the last time it happened because even though I didn’t know it at the time. I had ocd. And I knew it was bad. That was when it all started. I feel absolutely disgusted with my 7 year old self and it comes up every once in a while especially when I hear anything about sexual abuse. I’m nearly 20 now and I enjoy my life for the most part and I’ve been down the ocd path before but I feel unforgivable. And I never want to tell anyone about it, but my ocd seems to want that. I have a beautiful girlfriend that had some traumatic things happen to her and I love her with my soul. I don’t ever want that to come up. Because that’s not who I am. When will I be able to forgive myself? If at all I hope I’m not alone.
TW: Abuse/Pocd Im feeling really hopeless right now. I have an extensive history of sexual abuse, neglect, physical and emotional abuse as well and a significant amount of trauma from my childhood. I didn’t get any help until my late teens. During this time period I was an incredibly troubled child/teenager and I made a ton of really bad decisions that go against all my morals and values now as a grown adult. I feel like I messed up so bad I don’t deserve to recover. I don’t want to discuss all the events because they are quite personal to me but I’m really struggling with past sexual mistakes and feeling like some sort of deviant because of my past. I never hurt anyone and I never to my knowledge did anything illegal but I definitely had sexual behavior issues from my abuse. I sexualized my own abuse to cope with it. I feel horrible about this. Like I’m a monster. It also convinces me my thoughts are true and it’s evidence. Should I go to a OCD specialist for this or a sex therapist? Is there anything they can even do.
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