My OCD doesn't even feel like OCD. It feels like i'm lying to myself and blaming it on OCD. I always ruminate and try and think back on the events that happened and these images pop into my head and these will be the last memory I have of it. It becomes false memory's. It feels real but not at the same time and I can't differentiate the two. I need help. I want to take my brain out of my head because it's just a constant battle in my head.
Yes. the ocd struggle i'm dealing with now is cheating ocd. I went to a bar but i went sober because i knew my ocd would of been worse and it convinced me I kissed someone. I even had my friends tell me I didn't and retell the events of the night but no matter how many people tell me the truth my ocd convinces me otherwise. I deep down know the truth but it's hard because your thoughts, emotions, memories are in your brain along with OCD. It helps knowing i'm not alone. Thank you!!
Currently relapsing because of this. There came a time when my boyfriend & I were distant & I was depressed & sought male validation outside from our relationship. I can't help but feel guilty. & It sucks cause even if I confess, there is always something that I get reminded of & can't help but feel like my boyfriend deserves better. Like I'm always gonna have something to hide or have cheated on him, even though I know I didn't. :/ & When I'm happy, I have this guilt in the back of my head.
I have the same issue, I always feel like I'm being dishonest to my gf, but when I talk to family and friends they all say not to confess because what I did isn't that bad or bad at all. But OCD makes us feel otherwise, and makes me feel like I need to confess constantly. All I can say is to go easy on yourself, and know that you're not the only one feeling this way ā„ļø
confessing always only provides temporary relief and then it comes back. I think it helps knowing that you are not alone in your struggles. I believe you. I believe you didn't cheat. deep down you know you didn't cheat. OCD likes to attack the things that you care about most because it knows you better than anyone. I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I am here if you ever need to talk.
Thank you so much š¤ I have confessed the worst to my boyfriend & he forgave me. Loves me even more. Yet it's so hard to forgive yourself. Thank you, happy to know I'm are not alone in this. You can do it as well. We believe in you. & We can only be better. C:
False memory are such a trouble for me and so hard to deal with.. but youāre strong !!
I struggle with this a lot! I am happily married to the man of my dreams. We have been married for over 3 years and 2 1/2 years ago I was with old friends. I was so drunk and thought it was fun to jump in a pool and was in a bra and underwear in front of my ex. I have been beating myself up over this. I have felt extreme guilt and shame for not being a good wife. Every time I feel happy I remind myself that I shouldnāt and that my husband deserves better. Not sure how to get past it quite honestly. It haunts me every day and I just canāt forgive myself.
So hard to not engage the thoughts because even though it's from the "past" (i don't even know if im remembering things correctly and it kills me) and i can't change it, I just NEED to prove it to myself that it didn't happen this way. If you'd asked me questions maybe a few months ago, I would have been able to lucidly explain things. Now I just feel like I'm in a constant swarm of thoughts, not knowing if anything is real. If my brain is to be trusted. Wish I could just get hypnosis to forget
Currently I have several different OCD fears that pop up throughout the week depending on the situation. I've noticed a commonality between all of them are the fears relating to memory/false memory. Today is the ROCD struggle I've been dealing with. I know OCD has been trying this on me lately because of how much I love my spouse. They are my absolute best friend and she's my world. I value our marriage and friendship more than anything. OCD has latched onto one specific female coworker. And I don't even know why because even if I were single I wouldn't be into her. Even still, OCD makes me think I've cheated on my wife every time I'm alone with this coworker at work. Always starts as a what if, followed by imagery, followed by feelings that I must've actually done something and can't remember it. Usually fearing I've kissed her. It hurts because I know I'd never do that to my wife and I love her so much...the idea of losing her kills me, especially if it were the result of something I did. Just wanted to vent. Feel free to share your experiences or vents as well
Hello all, Iāve dealt with various OCD themes and compulsions for pretty much as long as I can remember. In some periods of my life the thoughts and compulsions have been particularly severe, but Iāve also had years where Iām able to keep it under control. This has made me worry I donāt actually have OCD, especially because I havenāt been doing consistent therapy and my therapists have gone back and forth on whether I have OCD. In the past few years, Iāve struggled immensely with false memory ocd, and right now Iām going through probably the most severe episode of my life. I love my boyfriend with all my heart. A few times that Iāve gone out drinking Iāve had the thought before āwhat if I lost control and cheated tonightā and itās bothered me severely. Two times before, itās gotten to the point of convincing myself that because I talked to a man that meant I had cheated on my boyfriend and just couldnāt remember. It has never turned out to be true. About a month ago, I went out with friends and had too much to drink. I was really ashamed of myself the next morning, particularly because I always try to drink cautiously now that I know it can trigger my anxiety. I am ashamed to admit I do not remember the very end of the night getting in my uber and going home. I woke up anxious and extremely worried and immediately started off by worrying if I could have tried to kiss my friend and not remembered. I called him and was immediately reassured nothing had happened, I simply drank too much and went home at the end of the night. I started feeling better, but then remembered a moment I had been in the bathroom. I remembered chatting with people in line about how long the line was, and then being in the bathroom on my phone. I then felt like I remembered people knocking and saying to myself āthat wasnāt that longā and leaving. There is nothing concrete that I remember that in any way indicates I cheated, and in fact I have texts with my boyfriend from the whole night telling him I loved him. My friend told me that the only time I was ever apart from him was about 5 minutes and that when he came back I was in the same exact spot he left me in. However, when I remembered being in the bathroom, I thought to myself āwhat if you cheated on him in the bathroomā/ āoh my god did you cheat on him in the bathroomā and then a series of images of me performing sexual acts popped into my head. Iāve poured over my memory and truly do not remember meeting anyone, talking to anyone, or even finding anyone attractive that night, but the fact that I was drinking makes me worried Iām just forgetting and these images could be real. Iāve been constantly ruminating on these fears for the past month, to the point that the only relief I feel is when Iām able to fall asleep. Iām a law student and itās becoming extremely difficult to keep up with my classes. Iāve been google searching, asked chat gpt for advice, confessed my fears to my boyfriend, asked for reassurance from pretty much everyone in my life, and even emailed the bar asking for security footage (which I know all sounds insane). Iām a naturally guilty person and feel bad about small things, so I really donāt think I would be capable of cheating and then nonchalantly texting my boyfriend, but these images feel so real that itās terrifying. Iāve also seen a lot about how I would ājust knowā and that begins to scare me because then I think āyou do just know, you did itā even though I really donāt think I did. I know these posts are not supposed to be for reassurance seeking, Iām just so exhausted and feeling really depressed. Iām wondering if anyone has experienced something similar and has any advice. Iām also wondering if images can feel more real the more you ruminate on them or if itās a sign of memory. Thank you so much for listening.
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