- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
A lot of people who have HOCD have had similar experiences in their childhood, called childhood experimentation (I think). My experience lasted from when I was about 4 to about 9 that bordered along sexual abuse. The experiences I had truly fueled my HOCD. I have always been attracted to women. But in my early 20's I became obsessed about what if my experiences made me gay. The thoughts plagued my mind. I began to see a therapist and for 5 years learned techniques of ERP and mindfulness based CBT. I made peace with the experiences from my past by accepting them as my experiences but I an choose how they define me. And whenever I begin to question or the thoughts come back I use ERP by thinking "maybe I am gay". I also purposefully made friends with and forced myself to be around people who triggered the intrusive thoughts. It was hard and the thoughts didn't just go away. But I learned how to respond to the thoughts. Now years later the thoughts don't appear as frequently but they still will from time to time, however now I know how to respond. You can't control your thoughts but you can control your response. You are not your thoughts.
- Date posted
- 6y
A lot of things that happen in childhood are strange and undefinable and they don’t upset or confuse us until we try to go back and look at them through the lense of adulthood. As a child, this didn’t bother you. And it’s because it’s related to your OCD theme that you’re now revisiting it over and over looking for some kind of explanation or confirmation that it was a sign of something. It makes total sense that your mind would latch onto this. Keep in mind that you have 1000s I’d other strange and undefinable childhood experiences that might also strike you differently now that you’re an adult. But your mind doesn’t care about those because those wouldn’t help fuel your obsession. It found this one because it knew it could be another trigger for your OCD. I know it’s a difficult memory to think about because it’s triggering, but I’d use it for ERP. Think about it again and again and respond by accepting the uncertainty, “maybe I am gay and maybe that was a sign early on. Or not. Can’t really say. Oh well.”
- Date posted
- 6y
The same thing happened to me when I was about 8 or 9. It bothers me still today
- Date posted
- 6y
Like when I think or fantasize about women it feels good. Idk why it bothers me
- Date posted
- 6y
Tips?
- Date posted
- 6y
Honestly I don’t know. I’m too embarrassed to tell anyone in person so I’ve never asked a professional what to do
- Date posted
- 6y
I’m 100% attracted to females but because of what I did I think maybe I am gay. Do you feel the same way?
- Date posted
- 6y
It’s not that I think I’m gay it’s that the event is repulsive. The thoughts in my head are intrusive and bothersome and take up headspace
- Date posted
- 6y
Yeah I feel the same way
- Date posted
- 6y
Thanks! It feels good I’m not alone
Related posts
- Date posted
- 14w
Hey guys I'm 17 years old I had experience with OCD I looked trans pornography and femboy stuff I'm straight I didn't jerk off to it I was really only looking at it in the past I have but for some reason I just felt like looking at it and when I did I did experience arousal not only that while I had a boner I simultaneously was thinking of memories and bad actions I had in 4th grade with another boy I myself not a homosexual I was a kid I did something with another boy I regret it I had that thought in my head lingering there in my head but I noticed pre ejaculation and now I feel anxiety because now it feels like I was intrigued by the thought it feels like it is it was probably to the video visual stimulus but it's hard I didn't jerk off to it at all I was really just looking idk what to do it feels like I did experience it to the video but also my thoughts say to the thought idk what to do can someone shed light on this
- Students with OCD
- Young adults with OCD
- OCD newbies
- False Memory OCD
- Real Events OCD
- "Pure" OCD
- POCD
- NOCD Therapy Alumni
- Date posted
- 12w
As I’ve posted before, my friends has developed TOUGH hocd and has hit rock bottom :// She told me to ask y’all here if any of you have had a similar experience NOT reassurance (she doesn’t have NOCD). “Hi NOCD community. When I was like 5 I had this distant female cousin whom I played with and grew up. She had super short hair like a boy, but we low key had same interests in toys/tv series etc. and then at THAT age I got a very weird though which said: do you like her? And I remember getting a lot of anxiety and my stomach hurting cause why tf would I have that kind of thought about my female cousin? I remember ruminating about it the whole day, and the next day that thought disappeared and I never had that thought again. We grew up and obviously she’s my family like my sister. But now that I have HOCD, I keep thinking about that memory and I have so much anxiety about it and cry often about it. While growing up I’ve only had crushes on tons of boys at school etc. has anyone had a similar experience?” Thanks for reading if u did! We need support 😭🙏🏻
- Date posted
- 12w
As I’ve posted before, my friends has developed TOUGH hocd and has hit rock bottom :// She told me to ask y’all here if any of you have had a similar experience NOT reassurance (she doesn’t have NOCD). “Hi NOCD community. When I was like 5 I had this distant female cousin whom I played with and grew up. She had super short hair like a boy, but we low key had same interests in toys/tv series etc. and then at THAT age I got a very weird though which said: do you like her? And I remember getting a lot of anxiety and my stomach hurting cause why tf would I have that kind of thought about my female cousin? I remember ruminating about it the whole day, and the next day that thought disappeared and I never had that thought again. We grew up and obviously she’s my family like my sister. But now that I have HOCD, I keep thinking about that memory and I have so much anxiety about it and cry often about it. While growing up I’ve only had crushes on tons of boys at school etc. has anyone had a similar experience?” Thanks for reading if u did! We need support 😭🙏🏻
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond