- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
A lot of people who have HOCD have had similar experiences in their childhood, called childhood experimentation (I think). My experience lasted from when I was about 4 to about 9 that bordered along sexual abuse. The experiences I had truly fueled my HOCD. I have always been attracted to women. But in my early 20's I became obsessed about what if my experiences made me gay. The thoughts plagued my mind. I began to see a therapist and for 5 years learned techniques of ERP and mindfulness based CBT. I made peace with the experiences from my past by accepting them as my experiences but I an choose how they define me. And whenever I begin to question or the thoughts come back I use ERP by thinking "maybe I am gay". I also purposefully made friends with and forced myself to be around people who triggered the intrusive thoughts. It was hard and the thoughts didn't just go away. But I learned how to respond to the thoughts. Now years later the thoughts don't appear as frequently but they still will from time to time, however now I know how to respond. You can't control your thoughts but you can control your response. You are not your thoughts.
- Date posted
- 6y
A lot of things that happen in childhood are strange and undefinable and they don’t upset or confuse us until we try to go back and look at them through the lense of adulthood. As a child, this didn’t bother you. And it’s because it’s related to your OCD theme that you’re now revisiting it over and over looking for some kind of explanation or confirmation that it was a sign of something. It makes total sense that your mind would latch onto this. Keep in mind that you have 1000s I’d other strange and undefinable childhood experiences that might also strike you differently now that you’re an adult. But your mind doesn’t care about those because those wouldn’t help fuel your obsession. It found this one because it knew it could be another trigger for your OCD. I know it’s a difficult memory to think about because it’s triggering, but I’d use it for ERP. Think about it again and again and respond by accepting the uncertainty, “maybe I am gay and maybe that was a sign early on. Or not. Can’t really say. Oh well.”
- Date posted
- 6y
The same thing happened to me when I was about 8 or 9. It bothers me still today
- Date posted
- 6y
Like when I think or fantasize about women it feels good. Idk why it bothers me
- Date posted
- 6y
Tips?
- Date posted
- 6y
Honestly I don’t know. I’m too embarrassed to tell anyone in person so I’ve never asked a professional what to do
- Date posted
- 6y
I’m 100% attracted to females but because of what I did I think maybe I am gay. Do you feel the same way?
- Date posted
- 6y
It’s not that I think I’m gay it’s that the event is repulsive. The thoughts in my head are intrusive and bothersome and take up headspace
- Date posted
- 6y
Yeah I feel the same way
- Date posted
- 6y
Thanks! It feels good I’m not alone
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
Trying not to seek reassurance, but rather connect the dots on my OCD and possible reasons as to why I am the way I am. I have severe OCD (or at least I hope I do) mainly surrounding POCD. I've had symptoms of OCD the majority of my life but this theme has come up more recently. When I was a kid, and i'm talking 6-7, I was first exposed to some really gross adult content online. It was introduced to me by a friend of mine around the same age of me. I saw some really disgusting things that a 6-7 year old should definitely not see. This was not a one time occurrence, as I had been exposed to taboo topics online years to come after that, such as the same friend introducing me to Omegle... And i'm sure you can imagine how that went, theres a lot of genuinely disgusting human beings on there. Coming back to the reason for making this post; is it possible to early exposure to this content could be one of the reasons I struggle with POCD? It genuinely scares me to death because you hear that real p*dos dealt with simular situations when they were kids, so thats kind of making me feel that this could be more than OCD, and I could be a genuinely bad person. My POCD feels so real, that at times i'm fully convinced its not OCD. Sometimes I can't even distinguish the feelings of attraction between a younger person and an older person, except for the feeling of anxiety and fear. Its really hard to explain without going into detail, but it just feels so real. Some feedback on this would be great, thank you all.
- Young adults with OCD
- Students with OCD
- False Memory OCD
- Mid-life adults with OCD
- "Pure" OCD
- POCD
- LGBTQ+ with OCD
- Date posted
- 18w
Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please
- Date posted
- 18w
(20f) I have been dealing with severe OCD symptoms for as long as I can remember. I recently got diagnosed about a year ago, and even though I know that these thoughts are probably my ocd, I still cant shake them. Growing up I was always very sexually curious. I was sheltered from a lot of things, as I went to a private school and things like sexuality and sex were never talked about. I remember doing some weird sexual things growing up (never affecting another person), looking up taboo sexual things, etc. I always seemed to become aroused no matter what the situation was, even if I just saw someone getting changed. I have no recollection of being SA'd, so i'm wondering where this all came from? Was I just curious and wanted to experiment and try different things? Or am I really a pervert, pedophile, etc. I have all these thoughts racing through my head and it's killing me. Everything I did as a kid I look back on and am disgusted, as those don't align with my views at all today. I never thought growing up thinking these things were wrong, or actually realize what they were until I got older. I'd like to think it was just my curiosity, but i'm not sure. What if i'm in denial and actually do like these things? I just need to know if theres something wrong w me, I cant keep going on like this. Could really use some advice.
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