- Date posted
- 2y
help, I feel completely hopeless...
I know it won't help it at all. I don't know what's real and what's me. I feel like I've lost myself bcs of so many themes right now. I think it's causing me to dissociate bcs I get extreme existential thoughts, & images that feel so real that I'm all alone. That is my worst fear to be alone/feel alone with my thoughts bcs I don't even speak up on things that I do want to say or knowing what to say "do I express me feeling awkward or not knowing what to say" or let myself be seen & to be myself even with my family because I feel like no one wants to hear me and what is valuable to me. It feels real but I know my family loves and that they try their best. I'm so broken that I feel this way because I want more than anything to love my family and just be in the present to show them love & receive there love w/o questioning it or the real distress is constantly noticing things that may initiate that. omg me saying that freaks me out bcs why me saying makes it true. Another big obsession with this is if I have psychosis bcs how I think about it all day. I just want to go over to my sister rn and ask her why I feel there is sm distance between us. I just want to feel her love and that she can express herself w/o feeling like she can't or at least to communicate to each other abt this kind of quietness. I had big past event OCD when she wouldn't talk that much to me during the day like my other family members and how easily argumentative we are.