Checking in

@BigGip09 I’m so sorry to hear that. Please take it easy as much as you can.

@amah92 It's been getting worse and worse tonight.

@BigGip09 How are you doing today?

@amah92 Better than yesterday but I'm not sure how. Maybe I haven't ruminated as much and I haven't seen anything terrible to trigger any themes

@BigGip09 I’m so glad to hear. Yesterday has been better than today for me, as I’ve spiraled a bit. That’s what I hate so much about this 😔

@amah92 I just somehow come across POCD stuff when I don't want to, usually when I'm relapsing on explicit content. There's triggers words that I just can't stand and I hate running into them but I just try not to ruminate on them

@BigGip09 I totally get you. I’m scared to do erp with my intrusive thoughts because they are just so gross and violent in nature the thought of it spikes my anxiety. I’m gonna be on medication soon so I hope it clears my head a bit..

@amah92 I hope so too. I hope I can just get my self control back as well. I don't want know what to do right now

@BigGip09 I hope things will improve. I’m here if you ever need to talk 🙌🏼

@amah92 Thanks. I'm just trying not to ruminate and not go back to watching explicit content. Just trying to take it easy

@BigGip09 Hi there! How you doing?

@Drew92 Hello!! I've been having a decent day but I got hit with a backdoor spike. I'm having thoughts about an event that happened where my elbow brushed a woman's behind when I zipped up my bag and she passed through a narrow space. I made sure this didn't happen again and ever since it hasn't happened. Which I'm glad. I hadn't thought about it for a while. It came back and so did the worry. I worry that I've committed a sex crime by doing that and I worry that it was intentional. I didn't say sorry because it was awkward and happened too fast and I regret that strongly. Other than this, I've been okay. How are you doing?

@BigGip09 That sounds so familiar like I feel like I’ve done that too and it made me so nervous. I remember having a groinal response hugging a friend and thought something would happen to them…I sought out so much reassurance after that I hate to admit. I’m glad you’re doing okay. I just wanted to check in. I’ve been doing better since changing my meds. I started Prozac and taking an antipsychotic at night to help with paranoia from ocd, and I think it’s been improving my mood! Hopefully when I do erp I can now do it with more confidence

@Drew92 Happy to hear that medication has been helping you! Thanks for checking on me also. I'm sorry that you've had a similar experience. I can't stop reliving the experience over and over again and it really messed me up then. Whether I've wanted it but regretted it/never wanted it at all and it was an accident, I don't want that to happen ever again. I'm just doing my best with the uncertainty

@BigGip09 Ok great it seems like you’re doing the right thing with being uncertain. I just hate when the anxiety spikes and feels like it won’t dissipate. Like with my thoughts it’s so hard to do anything because they sometimes “stick” and I can’t shake them off.

@Drew92 Totally get you. The thoughts just stick and there's no way for me to remove them completely because if I try they'll just get stronger. Did yours come up when you felt you no longer had anything to worry about and you were feeling positive?

@BigGip09 Yeahhh and I honestly feel like I have no choice but to push them away because of how bad they are. It’s horrible. Yes totally! Always when I’m relaxed or feel like I have nothing to worry about. I do this thing where I’m aware I have nothing to worry about, so the thoughts come out then

@Drew92 Yeah!! That's what the backdoor spike is. We worry about.. not worrying. It's crazy. The fact that the thoughts are bothersome do say something about us though. If they didn't bother us they wouldn't be so intrusive, would they? But yeah, that event. As I said, it hasn't ever happened again and I would like to keep it that way. Sorry that things get complicated because of your intrusive thoughts

@BigGip09 That’s how I look at it! It seems we worry because it’s so against our values. It’s okay I’m hoping I can develop more tolerance it’s just so freaking difficult lol

@Drew92 Yeah I hope to do the same. Still can't get my mind off of that event though. Just cant help but think that I wanted it to happen, but I worry so much about the event in the first place. I just don't get it. And I've never had that happened again afterwards. I saw someone post that you can just pretend your intrusive thoughts aren't even there in the first place and they will go away. Another thing is how it jumps from obsession to obsession.

@BigGip09 It’s so easy for our minds to mess with us 😔 I know we’re not supposed to do reassurance, but I truly believe your intentions are pure. It’s so easy for such a fleeting moment to convince us we did something bad. My intrusive thoughts definitely jump around to different themes. I think I’ve experienced almost every theme. Right now I’m dealing with magical thinking OCD where I think my thoughts attach to objects or situations.

@curtis07 I totally get you. My days have been very mixed, where sometimes I feel fine, but then I’ll get bombarded by my own intrusive thoughts and it completely changes my day

@Applecore It’s been a quiet weekend thankfully, even with ocd lol