War
I literally feel like I’m at war with my head constantly. Like the rational side of me fights SO hard to counteract my ocd thoughts and to tell myself no that’s unlikely/impossible/crazy but the ocd side always always wins :( people just don’t get it
Fighting is futile when it comes to OCD. You have to learn to let it all go and stay present.
Reading other peoples stories on here helped me to stop fighting and accept uncertainty, I even had a relief crying moment. From my rational brain to yours, this won’t last forever and you will find you again.
This is how I feel on my worst mental health days. So I definitely empathize… I had one that was triggered by an oncoming migraine, I stayed in bed crying all Saturday. Wasn’t fun at all. Felt like crap about myself and everything I’ve ever thought, done or said. It was shit. It passed and distraction always seems to help me the most. I binged the Fear Street movies which got my brain on a different track. Horror movies tend to do that for me luckily. I hope everyone on here is able to find their thing that helps them like horror movies help me.
I know this feeling all to well! I used to feel this way all the time, the unending battle with OCD, and the mental exhaustion that results. I literally thought I might never find peace of mind again. That was until I started therapy and did ERP consistently. Things aren’t perfect now, but they are SIGNIFICANTLY better then the were prior to doing so. I highly recommend you try it for yourself if you can, and hope you have a similar experience!
It’s so crazy how even though you have been through this a million times, when a new thought pops up or an old obsession resurfaces, it feels impossible to get through. You know the tools and you recognize the feelings, and yet somehow “this one” is different. It’s more serious, more disturbing, it’s a sign of your true desires, etc, etc. Taking the risk of uncertainty is not worth it “this time”because the consequences are too severe. Every time you start to make progress on an obsession or even just part of an obsession, you think you are finally getting the hang of it…and then ocd hits you back and it’s like all the confidence and progress you were starting to feel like you were developing gets blown away and in that moment you are back at the beginning. Ocd is truly diabolical and so smart. It causes so much suffering. I am so tired of making progress or even just maintaining my current obsessions just to get smacked in the face with something “different” and somehow “worse”. It is exhausting. One thing I never considered I would need to fight ocd and use erp was stamina. I really hope everyone out there struggling with ocd is doing ok. If you have ever felt like this, just know that I am in that same place.
I’m so tired of constantly being in my own head. It’s so hard to explain to the people I love/ love me. I have pocd it started 2 years ago randomly when I was a live-in nanny. I literally got up and left one day. The person I worked for thought I was selfish for leaving but I couldn’t tell her I thought I was protecting her children. From then on I’ve had this parasite (aka ocd). I have hope that things will get better one day but it affects my everyday life and my relationships. I’m scared it’s going to be why me and my boyfriend break up. Which is terrifying because I love him. He knows about the pocd and still supports me. It’s hard to have intrusive sexual thoughts about kids. It gives me immense anxiety and depression. And now after 2 years of torture it’s starting to affect my relationship with my significant other. After 6 months of being with my boyfriend the thought “what if he reminds me of a young person and that’s why I like him?” popped up two days ago. Now I’ve been stressing ever since. I want to be free of this worry in my mind. I just want to feel free in general. I feel so awful everyday. Can anyone relate?
Does anyone else have to ACTIVELY fight OCD? It’s a battle all the time in order for me to function. Letting the thoughts “just exist” is a ton of work. My mental energy is absolutely gone by the middle of the day. Am I just doing this wrong??
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