I literally feel like I’m at war with my head constantly. Like the rational side of me fights SO hard to counteract my ocd thoughts and to tell myself no that’s unlikely/impossible/crazy but the ocd side always always wins :( people just don’t get it
Fighting is futile when it comes to OCD. You have to learn to let it all go and stay present.
Reading other peoples stories on here helped me to stop fighting and accept uncertainty, I even had a relief crying moment. From my rational brain to yours, this won’t last forever and you will find you again.
This is how I feel on my worst mental health days. So I definitely empathize… I had one that was triggered by an oncoming migraine, I stayed in bed crying all Saturday. Wasn’t fun at all. Felt like crap about myself and everything I’ve ever thought, done or said. It was shit. It passed and distraction always seems to help me the most. I binged the Fear Street movies which got my brain on a different track. Horror movies tend to do that for me luckily. I hope everyone on here is able to find their thing that helps them like horror movies help me.
I know this feeling all to well! I used to feel this way all the time, the unending battle with OCD, and the mental exhaustion that results. I literally thought I might never find peace of mind again. That was until I started therapy and did ERP consistently. Things aren’t perfect now, but they are SIGNIFICANTLY better then the were prior to doing so. I highly recommend you try it for yourself if you can, and hope you have a similar experience!
It’s so crazy how even though you have been through this a million times, when a new thought pops up or an old obsession resurfaces, it feels impossible to get through. You know the tools and you recognize the feelings, and yet somehow “this one” is different. It’s more serious, more disturbing, it’s a sign of your true desires, etc, etc. Taking the risk of uncertainty is not worth it “this time”because the consequences are too severe. Every time you start to make progress on an obsession or even just part of an obsession, you think you are finally getting the hang of it…and then ocd hits you back and it’s like all the confidence and progress you were starting to feel like you were developing gets blown away and in that moment you are back at the beginning. Ocd is truly diabolical and so smart. It causes so much suffering. I am so tired of making progress or even just maintaining my current obsessions just to get smacked in the face with something “different” and somehow “worse”. It is exhausting. One thing I never considered I would need to fight ocd and use erp was stamina. I really hope everyone out there struggling with ocd is doing ok. If you have ever felt like this, just know that I am in that same place.
i obsess over extremely negative unwanted thoughts and no matter how hard i try to convince myself they’re just thoughts and i don’t actually want that they continue to almost consume me in a way? it’s like a constant battle with myself and there’s been many times where it physically makes me ill and distressed and like i need to tell someone even if it also affects them. i have some decent days where i can fight them but ive noticed when im stressed i can only fight them for so long. i seriously feel crazy 99% of the time and like nobody understands me. everyone always tells me they get bad thoughts too and it’s human which i understand but not everyone gets them to the extent of some others. its to a point where i just want to give up sometimes so i won’t have to deal with the thoughts. of course i never would but my mind does go there.
It feels like my OCD is determined to steal everything I love. It’s so exhausting to have to fight myself all the time.
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