GermanCowboy

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

Feeling Unlovable

Hey, Does anyone else on here feel that they’re unlovable? I mean that no one will ever date you and that no matter what you try, you’ll always fail and get rejected? Let me give some context: I have OCD (shocker!) and I’ve always struggled with self-esteem. Since November 2021, I’ve been on a journey of self-improvement and exposures to help treat my OCD. The exposures involved talking to girls (I’m male) and just putting yourself out there. Let’s just say that I’ve had zero success in that area. I’ve even went to lose 75+ pounds, hired my own personal trainer, been going to gym, improved my diet, gotten better clothes, etc… But, it feels that no matter what I do, I’m just as ugly (inside and outside) as when I started. By on the inside, I mean that I still have OCD and that it’ll never go away. To top it off, I was even called “an incel” by my supposed “friend”. That is, that I’m never getting any. I’ve now come to believe that and have been looking into incel forums, only to be appalled by the lack of self-awareness and hate. My ask is 1) how to deal with low self-esteem with OCD (not giving yourself reassurance), and 2) stop a potentially dangerous compulsion of reading toxic garbage online?

FactsOverFear

Date posted: 2y

As you know, dating with OCD is difficult. I spend A LOT of time worrying that I'll never meet someone and feeling guilty that my OCD ruined the best and longest relationship I had. I used to be really secretive about my OCD when it came to dating because it would scare people away, especially people who don't understand mental health. Now I'm honest about my OCD with the people that I talk to. If they have a problem with it then I know sooner that we aren't going to be compatible. I would continue to work on yourself. Be on all the dating apps, join friend apps, go to speed dating events, and/or hire a matchmaker. Yes, hiring a matchmaker is a very real thing that I've looked into because dating can be exhausting! My therapist told me something really interesting. He said that if he asked everyone what their "type" is, everyone would have a different answer, and most of the answers wouldn't be like Kim Kardashian or Brad Pitt because they aren't "typical" people. If everyone's interest is different that means that you are someone's type! It just takes a lot of time and patience. Also, social media is toxic. People use it to compare their lives with others. Everyone is going to post their best days. No one is going to post a picture and caption it, "Me and my husband arguing for the fifth time this week. Can't wait to divorce him one day!" They'll post a picture of them kissing or something romantic where all their followers get jealous. Don't give up! You'll meet someone great, and if you don't, you really just need to be happy with yourself.

ImagineMe1

Date posted: 2y

Hi you’re not a bad person. I’m suffering from OCD too

Scc08

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

I think just like other forms of OCD, you need to focus on the uncertainty. Maybe try telling yourself that “maybe I will fail, maybe I won’t” something like that?

GermanCowboy

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Scc08 Yeah, trust me, I’ve been doing that too. I’ve even come to terms with “it’s ok to fail”. But, having toxic friends who criticize you for your lack of relationships doesn’t help. It just makes it worse.

Scc08

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Josean I feel you on that. It takes time to find friends that actually understand. If you open up to some people, you might find that they actually are willing to listen :)

GermanCowboy

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Scc08 Back when I was trying to get a date, the exposures seemed to have worked. I was ok with rejection. I took it as a learning experience and found a way to improve, or so it seemed. But it’s gotten to the point where I question “is it even worth it anymore?”

Givenup

Date posted: 2y

I need an answer to this question. Because I have HOCD and have low self esteem. I don’t think any woman wants to ever be with me no matter how hard I try to improve.

GermanCowboy

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Givenup Yeah, same here… it’s as if OCD is a curse. The paradox is that I can tell myself the whole “I’m good enough” and “yeah, there’s someone out there” but isn’t that the definition of reassurance? It’s hard ain’t it?

vilover

Date posted: 2y

@Josean I think the most important thing for your situation is recognizing that relationships are somewhat dependent on luck and they also don't determine your worth. I'd suggest focusing your energy elsewhere. Still talk to girls but try seeing them as friends i guess? The reassurance paradox sounds tiring but that's the only thing i can think of that can help.

GermanCowboy

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@vilover Yeah, that makes sense. One of my goals this year is to do just that. Try to find other sources of self-worth. But still do my exposures where I can ask a girl out on a date, but not expect anything in return.

Givenup

Date posted: 2y

@Josean I’m getting anxious feelings when my friends are talking about women and it’s making me think I’m in denial because of it… When all I want is to be with this girl I’m talking to right now and be attracted to her… and it’s making me feel like I’m not anxious of men when I dont ever want to ever be attracted to men in any way shape or form…

Gato0z

Date posted: 22w

Any advice?

I feel completely unlovable. I have a difficult time getting close to people because of my OCD and I have to force myself to not compulsively seek reassurance. I feel like I’ll never find my person. I’m worried I’ll be an awful wife because of my inability to do anything. I want to show up for my partner, but I feel stuck because of my OCD. I think it’s safer to just be alone.

Princessandt...

Date posted: 21w

Finding love with POCD. Help!

So I’m really struggling to believe that anyone will want to be in a relationship with me and still love me when they find out about my pocd and intrusive thoughts. I am holding a belief no one can love me with this condition and they will be repulsed by me when they find out. I just don’t know how to shake that feeling and be brave enough to try and share with anyone I’m dating.

POCD

kiwicowgirl

Date posted: 18w

I’m “bad” at sex (18+)

So I got dumped today by my situationship. For background, we talked for like 3 months, and I just recently lost my virginity to her. We only had sex twice. After she said we should still be friends, goofily (reassurance-seeking) I asked “but the sex was good right?” And she told me it was “good for a virgin” which hurt my feelings, then going even further she said “not in my top ten.” This made me CRY, like on the spot, right there in front of her (not the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever done…. But definitely in my top ten). I started having intrusive thoughts about how I’m unattractive/unworthy of love. She asked me why I was crying, but I just said “I don’t like myself very much,” which is always the underlying problem with me. And she reassured me that I’m “not a bad person” and “it’s not because you’re not smart or not beautiful.” But the reassurance made me spiral more, bc I was thinking “I didn’t even mention feeling unattractive or stupid, she can just tell that I am.” Then it kept getting worse and worse, “I’m unattractive/unlovable/stupid. I’m not good at sex, I’m not good at anything.” I had to stop myself and realize it was OCD obsessing over the things “wrong” with me. I think I started this post wanting reassurance, but now I think I want to know if anyone has any tips on accepting criticism as someone with OCD, bc it always sends me down a “there is something wrong with me” spiral.

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Feeling Unlovable

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community