I feel so scared please help

Hi everyone! I have been having a rough time. So my boyfriend talks to his ex still as friends and I’ve been struggling with it lately and I can’t tell if it’s OCD or not but it does feel so distressing. She wasn’t texting him for about 2-3 months as she got into a relationship with this guy and they broke up. She had messaged him saying that she has no one else to talk to and needed to vent to someone. At first I felt okay, but my intrusive thoughts took over and it seemed like she was trying to get with him after the fact. It’s probably just my intrusive thoughts talking but he looks on Discord (the app where the message) constantly now and my intrusive thoughts convince me that he’s still in love with her. Then yesterday I saw one of his BeReals (a little photo app that shows a photo of the day) and I saw that he was watching one of her streams as she is a streamer. I struggled to talk about it because it made my worst thought feel like it came true where he is still in love with her. When we talked he gets a lil mad that I don’t tell him right away like straight up what I’m feeling but it’s hard to process because my thoughts flood in of all the worst things and I don’t want to come off as toxic at all and I know relationships are built on trust and I want to trust because this is literally the only thing that makes me nervous about him. It also doesn’t help that I’ve been cheated on before so I’m trying to protect myself but I’m lost. I get so depressed and so anxious because I feel like I have to grieve the relationship and it’s just so dramatic. I’ve never loved anyone like this before and I don’t wanna lose him by bringing this stuff up constantly when something occurs with his ex. I don’t know why I get triggered so easily and I just wanna heal from it and be the good girlfriend I’m supposed to be 😭

For about a month now I’ve been really obsessed with the idea that my girlfriend has feelings for this guy we know if he has feelings for her. We’ve only known him for about a month and we’re not that close to him. The stuff that makes me worried is completely normal for friends to do or are things that aren’t real. . They respond to each other on group chats . They hangout in groups when I’m not there . She finds him funny and smiles when she’s around him . I just have a bad feeling It’s become such a thing in my mind and it’s deteriorating our relationship. Every time I see him and her talk I feel mad and sick and anxious. And now I’m starting to hate him. I feel like I’m being so unfair because she hasn’t actually done anything, and I keep accusing her and treating her like she has. She says she feels like all I see is the worst in her and like she’s a bad person. I’ve brought this up to her many times and every time she tells me she would never cheat on me and that he’s some random guy and that she doesn’t want him she wants me. I just can’t get the idea out of my head, I can’t stop unconsciously looking for signs of romantic feelings between them. I analyse her body language or how she looks at him, I check if there online at the same time to see if their texting or something. It’s really bad. It’s gotten to the point where it’s not about the idea that they have feeings anymore it’s more just I want to get the idea out my head. I want to stop seeing this. Because she would have said something by now. And I know this is coming from a place of fear and insecurity about myself and the way she feels about me, because he’s no different to any of her other friends I just chose him to be the one I worry about. I want to get past this because our relationship needs to move past this and I want to be able to enjoy the time I spend with my friends instead of relating it to this and the idea of hanging out in this group with her where he is, and if causing instant anxiety. She’s not like this, she’s a good person. It’s not necessarily the idea she’ll actually cheat it’s the idea she’ll develop feeling or he will and will make her catch feelings too. It’s all just a “bad feeling” I have and an obsession with this idea. I can’t stand to be around them in a group cuz all I can see is that “she’s in love with him” or “he would make her or does make her happier”

I'm worried I'm gonna get hurt. There is a guy I'm talking to and we plan to hangout soon. We have been talking for awhile and have talked at school. I have a few ex boyfriends, two to be exact. One turned out to be awful, but I found out early on because a bunch of women came to me with their concerns of how he creeper them out and used to send them weird messages, he also for awhile would have people message me to get me BACK MONTHS LATER. My other ex was a good guy, but extremely shy and bad with expressing feelings. It didn't feel like I was his girlfriend. That being said I now kinda assume (mainly from the awful guy) that everyone is gonna turn out to be awful and that I can't trust my judgement. This guy I got now knew stuff about ocd already, loves horror movies and art like me, loves cat, good with kids and has a little brother, he remembers little things I say and sends me pretty pictures of the sky and forests when he is out, he warns me when he is sleepy incase he falls asleep when we are texting at night, he knows alot about mental health. He is everything I could want and I just can't believe it's real, that someone like this exists and out of all people LIKES ME. My brain is telling me he could secretly be racist or homophonic or a rapist and I just don't know. My friend who barely knows him and has never spoken to him before but is good at reading people says he is 9 out of 10 percent sure he isn't any of those things. which considering they have never talked or anything it's good. But idk I don't trust myself. I'm scared he will crush my heart. I went through his following on insta to look for people of other races and sexualitys. He follows a girl who is a friend of a friend of mine who is gay, the smosh account and Ian Hecox, he follows Good Mythical Morning and Link (idk why not rhett), and I once joked that I was better then him and he said we are all equal and has said things like he doesn't Haye anyone we were all babies once and stuff like that. I wanna trust my self and my friend but idk.