I don't know what to do. I am in my my first and only real relationship. We have been together for 1 year and 6 months. Before we started dating I told him that trust was a big thing for me because of my OCD and I just doubt and over analyze everything. Turns out, he has been lying to me about everything including his sexual history ( a lot of my ocd has to do with sex and the germs/"bad" that's associated with it). So story short I trusted him, I felt comfortable with him, and we had plans to get engaged. I have given him so many second chances. I keep telling him that I just want the truth. I may be upset when I hear it but it's better to find out from him than from him accidentally slipping up or me finding it on his phone. He has cried and looked me straight in the eye and said that there is nothing else he is hiding but there always is! He lies to others and he swears he doesn't mean it maliciously. He has past trauma as well. Abusive parents and was sexually abused by his sister. He also has ADHD and depression. I know that these things don't make what he's doing right but I also know from personal experience that mental illness and abusive parents can really mess with your mind. He also has a porn addiction which I was unaware of. We're trying to work through things but it's hard knowing that everything he says (even if it's heartfelt) could be a lie. I'm sad/anxious all the time. We have been through so much and I really want to make this work. Sorry... Just need to vent...

What exactly has he been lying about? Has he cheated? If he has lied or omissed things from his past this may be because he knows you will react badly. I suffer from extremly bad ROCD and often question my partner about their past, when this is none of my business and is only assurance seeking for me. I had massive trust issues but managed to over come them when my partner started being truthful and I stoped asking questions about things that happened before me. Hope this helps.

It sounds like for things to work out for you as a couple, he may need to see a therapist to work on his own issues. I'm not sure if this is something he'd be up to trying or if he's doing it already. Just remember that you cannot control the way he behaves or whether he actually takes steps to change his patterns of lying. You can encourage and support him, but it's ultimately his choice. All you can control is your participation in the relationship. And one way you might partcipate in the relationship is by letting him know that this is something he needs to work on for the relationship to be healthy and trusting. Although we can't control how others behave, we must speak up when certain patterns and behaviors are harming the relationship.

Thank you for the responses. It's hard for me to think rationally with this. I'm going to try to remember what you both said. ?

I’m so sorry you’re going through this! This type of relationship is hard for anyone, but especially for someone with OCD. And I actually really relate (sounds like a lot of similar issues to my first relationship, actually.) At the heart of all of this, I think the biggest problem is that I don’t see any reason to trust this guy. Not now. Not ever. I don’t trust that he will stop lying. I don’t trust that there aren’t more lies you still haven’t uncovered. I think he will continue to keep telling you whatever he has to in order to stop you from leaving, but he’ll ultimately keep doing whatever he wants once you say you’ll stay. You can love someone and want it to work out and still decide to go because you know the relationship will never have a solid foundation. I agree that he should get help to work on his issues. And I totally get why you sympathize so much with his previous abuse and mental health issues. But you’re right: they don’t excuse his behavior. You have a mental illness too: do you do the same things to him? My guess is no. First relationships are the hardest to let go of for a lot of people. I hope you can give yourself the love and care you deserve to make the hard decision and move on because you deserve so much more than this. Don’t forget in all of this that the most important thing is to love yourself and do what’s best for your heart. Good luck ?

And in case you were wondering: I did end up braking up with my first boyfriend once I accepted that the trust was gone and irredeemable. The breakup SUCKED and it broke my heart. But now: I recognize it as one of the best decisions I’ve ever made in my life. I cannot imagine still being with him. The love I had for him was amazing to experience, and I’m thankful for what I learned, but I’m so glad I let it go and moved on. There’s a lot more life out there to live.

I don't know if ever physically cheated but I found flirtatious messages. He lies about porn, that he was a virgin when me met, and even small things like what he had for dinner or facts about his childhood