Is it just me?…

Why are things so real the first time they’re in my mind and then when I think about it later it’s easier for me to be like wtf?? I was watching a movie earlier and the young girl had developed more in the chest area than the last movie and I felt the desire to check her out so I did. Then later I let myself imagine her having sex and I liked it. But now looking back I’m like ew. The boys in the movie have also developed as the movie went on and I couldn’t help but think that in their real life they’ve probably woken up to boners and s*men and stuff. And looking back it’s just ugh. Idk if it’s sexual relevance but I genuinely let myself indulge in these thoughts and groinal responses and I remember thinking to myself I don’t want to be attracted to little kids and how do I stop myself (everyone has attractive qualities so in younger boys I see man like qualities). Idk I need help. I wouldn’t type this out if I truly believe I was messed up but I’m still scared

Hi everyone, I have been struggling with something for a while and I am starting to wonder if it is related to OCD. For as long as I can remember, I have had this habit of looking at people, whether friends, family, or strangers and even kids, through a lens that feels like it is from the perspective of someone who might find them attractive or sexualize them. I don’t want to feel attracted; it just feels like my brain automatically puts them in that perspective. I’ve done this for as long as I can remember, and I honestly thought it was just part of me being curious or creative. I have always thought this was just a quirk of my brain, but now I am starting to wonder if it is an OCD thing, especially since it feels automatic and I get anxious afterward. Has anyone else experienced this? I did not think this was part of OCD, but now I am not so sure.

It’s like my brain is doing everything in its power to convince myself and also justify an attraction to teenagers. I hate myself. I don’t want to be this person, but what if I don’t have a choice. How do I get these thoughts out of my head permanently. I feel like my life will never be the same if they don’t leave forever. I can’t tell what is a real desire and what OCD is trying to convince me is a real desire. I can’t do this every day for the rest of my life. I don’t want to hurt anyone, or I don’t think I do but how do I even tell anymore. This might not even be OCD at this point, I can’t separate my thoughts from OCD thoughts I think because I’ve had OCD for so long so it all just feels like me. Maybe it is me. TMI but I haven’t pleasured myself in like a week because my libido is so low now, I don’t want to do it with these thoughts.