It's not about hocd but can someone help me with my sexuality. Okay so i was in an all girls school and an all girls college. I rarely got the chance to interact with boys except for my coaching classes. It's like in the past i had dozens of girl crushes and a very few guy crushes but if i ever had to imagine myself being intimate with,it was mostly boys. It's like i clearly remember that i fantasized about boys but i don't actually remember if i ever fantasized about girls. My mind is telling me i had. I had a very few guy friends so whenever we had a meet over i always wanted the guy's attention and not those girls. I don't know what kind of crushes or attraction i had for those girls but i always considered myself straight because even if i had a few guy crushes like 2-3 it was only them i mostly fantasized about. Also i have never been interested in lesbian related stuffs. I have watched kdramas and have mostly got male celebrity crushes. My mind has constantly been telling me i am a lesbian cause i mean i did not have hocd when i had those girl crushes but if today i imagine myself getting intimate with a girl to check if it affects me i get anxious.

I have hocd and never had a girl crush. Just admired and wanted to be like them. Regardless my ocd, I know what I want and what I don't want to do. But some poeple are open to experiment and that's totally okay. If you want something go for it, there's absolutely nothing wrong

Oh yeah I get what you mean. But regardless a lot of poeple regardless of sexuality imagine kissing poeple of same /opposite sex and get same sex crushes doesn't mean you want to act on them. @prakriti did you want to act on them?

And wait chou tzuyu sounds familiar? Kpop? Twice?

I don’t know what it’s called but there’s a sexuality where you kiss girls and like girls but you’re attracted to boys. I don’t remember what it’s called but google it, I hope this helped you

You mean heteroflexible?

something like that yeah

Yeah, like weird but sometimes (rarely) I’ll have girl crushes but I don’t want to get physical with them or anything, I just like them for being pretty or something. But that doesn’t necessarily mean I’m lesbian. What I’m saying is as long as you don’t wanna act on it there’s a chance you could still be straight or just wanting to experiment with girls. And that’s okay too

Honestly now that you say it was admiring I don’t even think it was really a crush, I think I was just admiring maybe? Either way I’m still straight so it wouldn’t make a difference

So yeah you’re probably okay

Yeah because I used to think "oh look at how beautiful they are I want to look like them so bad" and that was it tbh. I think people misunderstood what "finding someone attractive" means. I can say rihanna is a attractive but just because she's beautiful and I can say Leonardo dicaprio is attractive and mean it as in I'm attracted to him.

I just don't know! I never really thought of it. It just suddenly hit me and i got reminded of mt school daysm It was mostly in my school life. As i said i never got the chance to interact with guys. So i did develop crushes in my school life but i don't think i develop any after that may be once or twice after my school life. I asked it in an lgbt forum. The person said may be during my school days because of my very little interaction with boys. I just don't know. I don't even know what i want now. My mind is continuously telling me and convincing me that i am a lesbian. I have even been in a relationship with guy for 6 years whom i met in my coaching classes. Is it okay if i don't label myself as anything? I am not feeling comfortable in labeling myself as anything other than straight and if i am labeling myself as straight i am feeling as if i am lying to myself.

Maybe it really was because you spent a lot of years in all girls school without interacting with boys. It's okay if you don't label yourself as anything, you don't need to :)

But the thing if it brings you anxiety, it is just hocd

Thankyou all. I don't know if i had ocd before in my school life and college life. But i always have the habit of checking things again and again. If i did not do good in any of the exams i used to sit with the question paper day and night and keep on counting my marks and not study for the next exam until and unless i was sure of my marks and that surety never came!

And speaking of being attracted to someone. Right now i am not attracted to anyone except for a kpop band named BTS. Even if there are a lot of girl idol groups i have never been into any of them except for again bts.. ☺ and right now i really don't want to think of who am i attracted to but work on my career but all these thoughts are coming to me again and again.

Ocd can also not seem like ocd when it is undiagnosed or ignored. But while its onset is usually very early in life, you can develop ocd even later on

Yeah I know how it feels, just do you. Focus on what you like, what may be will be. If the idea of being with the same sex doesn't sit 100%right with you, then it's not what you may think

you’re allowed to feel attraction towards girls without wanting to be with them romantically/sexually! I remember reading this thing that said “you can think a house or a car looks attractive, but that doesn’t mean you want to have sex with it or be in a relationship with it.” kinda similar stuff

It just never goes. I came across a thing called lesbian smile. I have a feeling i have that smile. A smile that only non straight girls do. Every time i am smiling i pause and look at my phone camera and if i do that smirk i get terrified. I am literally constantly checking.. This is so frustating!

honestly you remind me of someone I went to school with lol

she sounds just like you, are you from Louisiana? (don’t answer if you’re uncomfortable)

No i am from India. I don't know if it's right if i question you? The girl you are talking about. Is she a lesbian? You don't need to answer if it's uncomfortable

yeah

I don’t wanna answer just because I don’t know if you’ll start worrying

It will worry me of course but i have to deal with it. I just want to return to how my life was before all these shit started happening. I cannot move forward with my life if i am unsure about what my identity is

Sometimes i really just want to ask someone with a strong gaydar to just check or assume what i am through my social media profiles/accounts . I really don't remember if i have ever thought of being intimate with a girl atleast not for the past few years! Idk before that. Everything is just so confusing

Try to distract yourself

Will try! I don't know if i have that lesbian smile. It does not particularly match but i keep checking it.. I again came across this finger ratio that straight women have ring finger shorter than the index finger. When i faced my palm upwards it was short like the ring finger was shorter and when i faced it upside down i saw that both my ring fingers were longer and i started crying!

girl, that doesn’t define your sexuality. It really doesn’t, you can’t take those kinds of things seriously, people make those as a joke.

I know i was never like this. It seems i am taking every little things valid or not into consideration. If i see any of my fav male celebrity and you know freak out or blush i start crying thinking that these reactions towards those male celebrities are fake. I have always been an lgbt supporter. I even shared with my mom that i have a feeling that i like girls and she was offended. I tried explaining her that being gay is not a bad thing. This shows that I won't really be afraid of coming out if i am a lesbian which is different from those who are in denial because i have always been transparent with those who are close with me. It's not the fear of coming out i know. It's just i idk some kind of fear and anxiety about some undiscovered part of me that i don't know

The unknown scares all but there’s not much you can do about it. You just have to accept that you have no control of the situation and try to move in

*on