- Username
- prakriti
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I have hocd and never had a girl crush. Just admired and wanted to be like them. Regardless my ocd, I know what I want and what I don't want to do. But some poeple are open to experiment and that's totally okay. If you want something go for it, there's absolutely nothing wrong
Oh yeah I get what you mean. But regardless a lot of poeple regardless of sexuality imagine kissing poeple of same /opposite sex and get same sex crushes doesn't mean you want to act on them. @prakriti did you want to act on them?
And wait chou tzuyu sounds familiar? Kpop? Twice?
I don’t know what it’s called but there’s a sexuality where you kiss girls and like girls but you’re attracted to boys. I don’t remember what it’s called but google it, I hope this helped you
You mean heteroflexible?
something like that yeah
Yeah, like weird but sometimes (rarely) I’ll have girl crushes but I don’t want to get physical with them or anything, I just like them for being pretty or something. But that doesn’t necessarily mean I’m lesbian. What I’m saying is as long as you don’t wanna act on it there’s a chance you could still be straight or just wanting to experiment with girls. And that’s okay too
Honestly now that you say it was admiring I don’t even think it was really a crush, I think I was just admiring maybe? Either way I’m still straight so it wouldn’t make a difference
So yeah you’re probably okay
Yeah because I used to think "oh look at how beautiful they are I want to look like them so bad" and that was it tbh. I think people misunderstood what "finding someone attractive" means. I can say rihanna is a attractive but just because she's beautiful and I can say Leonardo dicaprio is attractive and mean it as in I'm attracted to him.
I just don't know! I never really thought of it. It just suddenly hit me and i got reminded of mt school daysm It was mostly in my school life. As i said i never got the chance to interact with guys. So i did develop crushes in my school life but i don't think i develop any after that may be once or twice after my school life. I asked it in an lgbt forum. The person said may be during my school days because of my very little interaction with boys. I just don't know. I don't even know what i want now. My mind is continuously telling me and convincing me that i am a lesbian. I have even been in a relationship with guy for 6 years whom i met in my coaching classes. Is it okay if i don't label myself as anything? I am not feeling comfortable in labeling myself as anything other than straight and if i am labeling myself as straight i am feeling as if i am lying to myself.
Maybe it really was because you spent a lot of years in all girls school without interacting with boys. It's okay if you don't label yourself as anything, you don't need to :)
But the thing if it brings you anxiety, it is just hocd
Thankyou all. I don't know if i had ocd before in my school life and college life. But i always have the habit of checking things again and again. If i did not do good in any of the exams i used to sit with the question paper day and night and keep on counting my marks and not study for the next exam until and unless i was sure of my marks and that surety never came!
And speaking of being attracted to someone. Right now i am not attracted to anyone except for a kpop band named BTS. Even if there are a lot of girl idol groups i have never been into any of them except for again bts.. ☺ and right now i really don't want to think of who am i attracted to but work on my career but all these thoughts are coming to me again and again.
Ocd can also not seem like ocd when it is undiagnosed or ignored. But while its onset is usually very early in life, you can develop ocd even later on
Yeah I know how it feels, just do you. Focus on what you like, what may be will be. If the idea of being with the same sex doesn't sit 100%right with you, then it's not what you may think
you’re allowed to feel attraction towards girls without wanting to be with them romantically/sexually! I remember reading this thing that said “you can think a house or a car looks attractive, but that doesn’t mean you want to have sex with it or be in a relationship with it.” kinda similar stuff
It just never goes. I came across a thing called lesbian smile. I have a feeling i have that smile. A smile that only non straight girls do. Every time i am smiling i pause and look at my phone camera and if i do that smirk i get terrified. I am literally constantly checking.. This is so frustating!
honestly you remind me of someone I went to school with lol
she sounds just like you, are you from Louisiana? (don’t answer if you’re uncomfortable)
No i am from India. I don't know if it's right if i question you? The girl you are talking about. Is she a lesbian? You don't need to answer if it's uncomfortable
yeah
I don’t wanna answer just because I don’t know if you’ll start worrying
It will worry me of course but i have to deal with it. I just want to return to how my life was before all these shit started happening. I cannot move forward with my life if i am unsure about what my identity is
Sometimes i really just want to ask someone with a strong gaydar to just check or assume what i am through my social media profiles/accounts . I really don't remember if i have ever thought of being intimate with a girl atleast not for the past few years! Idk before that. Everything is just so confusing
Try to distract yourself
Will try! I don't know if i have that lesbian smile. It does not particularly match but i keep checking it.. I again came across this finger ratio that straight women have ring finger shorter than the index finger. When i faced my palm upwards it was short like the ring finger was shorter and when i faced it upside down i saw that both my ring fingers were longer and i started crying!
girl, that doesn’t define your sexuality. It really doesn’t, you can’t take those kinds of things seriously, people make those as a joke.
I know i was never like this. It seems i am taking every little things valid or not into consideration. If i see any of my fav male celebrity and you know freak out or blush i start crying thinking that these reactions towards those male celebrities are fake. I have always been an lgbt supporter. I even shared with my mom that i have a feeling that i like girls and she was offended. I tried explaining her that being gay is not a bad thing. This shows that I won't really be afraid of coming out if i am a lesbian which is different from those who are in denial because i have always been transparent with those who are close with me. It's not the fear of coming out i know. It's just i idk some kind of fear and anxiety about some undiscovered part of me that i don't know
The unknown scares all but there’s not much you can do about it. You just have to accept that you have no control of the situation and try to move in
*on
Okay so I have been struggling with HOCD for so fucking long. I never felt like I had crushes on boys growing up but I wasn’t attracted to girls either (this was through 5th grade). Until 6th grade hit. I remember it like it was yesterday. I had the thought walking up the stairs and it was “You’re lesbian.” And ever since that thought was there and I fought it I have been dealing with all types of OCD ever since (been going on for 7 years). And only this year I found it was OCD. But it’s hard because I don’t know if I’m actually gay or I convinced myself I’m gay because I gave up and gave in. Now whenever I see I pretty girl I feel tingling. And I wanted to prove to myself that I wasn’t a lesbian so I look up pretty pictures of girls with their boobs out and I loved it. And I wanna make out with a girl so intensely. But then at the same I don’t wanna be in a relationship with a girl and I wanna marry a guy and I just desperately wanted to be like by a guy. But I get so horny whenever girls are in bikinis and stuff. But I have OCD and I’m so confused.
So my hocd started over 2 years ago (I’m 20 yrs old now), when I was having a conversation with one of my friends and the thought popped into the back of my head what if the reason I don’t have a crush on any guys at my high school is because I’m a lesbian. Since then my sexuality has been on my mind 24/7 I didn’t know this was ocd until about a year ago but i’m only seeking treatment now. The hocd ramped up when I felt super aroused watching a movie with topless women, something that had never happened when watching men. Thing is I genuinely think I’m gay now, I’ve had this for so long that at first the thoughts disgusted me and caused me anxiety but now they don’t anymore. I saw so many tiktok videos about “pipelines” of certain interests gay people have that triggered me and read the comphet masterdoc which made me cry when I read it because I related to so much of it. When I was a child I was never boy crazy, I never really crushed on boys in my class (to be fair there were only 7) however I do remember writing a love note to a boy in first grade and having an immense celebrity crush on a disney channel star. I remember to certain things I did as a child that lead me to think I am gay and they keep replaying over and over in my head. Thing is over the past year I’ve had crushes on 3 guys I’ve met through dating apps. The last one I actually hung out with and I had my first kiss/makeout session 2 months ago. After that my hocd calmed down I enjoyed kissing him it felt euphoric the whole drive home just replaying our dates in my head. But now I can’t get the thought out of my head what if I didn’t like it enough? I didn’t get butterflies when we kissed (i do when I think back about it though) and didnt feel super aroused like that time I watched that movie. I feel nothing when I look at pictures and videos of men but with women I started getting this warm feeling in my chest which stressed me out even more. Idk what I am anymore and it is driving me insane. Does anyone relate?
Hello, I’m 22F. I have always had crushes on men and have dated men. I never really CARED for sex much but I would still do it. I watch lesbian porn or anything that stimulates the girl more/ what I would enjoy. I fantasize about getting with a girl/ wanting to do things with a girl because of how good it would feel. However, I’ve been in a relationship with a guy for 2 years. Before him, I used to really like another guy. I can’t differentiate between whether I am lesbian, BI, or just straight with normal fantasies. I can’t think/ imagine myself in a relationship with a girl but I guess it wouldn’t be bad to get with a girl at the same time. Sex is just sex. However, I started having obsessive thoughts about my sexuality 2 years ago since then I’ve been diagnosed with health anxiety also. I don’t know, could it be that I’m just not that into my current boyfriend that it makes me question my sexuality? Is it it possible that he might not be so attractive to me that it makes me feel / think what if I am not straight? How can you differentiate between intrusive OCE or the reality / truth of something?? I don’t recall ever having a crush on a girl but I still see certain men and acknowledge how good looking they are and imagine being with them.
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