Do you ever feel?
Do you ever feel like you've been two different people in this life? One prior to getting proper help for your OCD and a different person after ERP? For me, whether right or wrong, I still sometimes refer to myself as "the old me," referring to before I got help. Am I the only one?
I feel like the me before knowing I have OCD was still a scared, negative, depressed and anxious person. I had accepted that maybe j was destined to feel this way for my entire life. I don't want to go back to her as much as I would not like to have the theme that got me to do ERP in the first place. I'm not sure the "old me" was better off than the me I am now because without the tools I have now, I would still be unhappy and sad, whether I knew it was OCD that was controlling my life or not.
@hp12345 so true
This! I have always said this. For so long, I wanted to go back to "her" - but she was far worse off than who I am now with the tools!
I deal with this. Sometimes I think of the old compulsions I used to do and get embarrassed that others saw them. I try telling myself that I was doing whatever I could to “survive” and I didn’t know any better. For how intense OCD is I think we are all doing a good job fighting it.
I think I suffer from anxiety far more than OCD, considering how I've never had intrusive thoughts that bothered me, but I had extremely bad health anxiety before my Harm OCD (the only reason I got therapy is because it conflicted with my relationships to others - which scared me). The what ifs were always present but I never thought of it to be a mental illness until now, and while I'm cool with the health anxiety, I am not the harm OCD so I'm looking forward to resolving most of my OCD issues and getting back to me. Although with how bad this attack was I feel like I'm trying to salvage myself in a way, definitely don't know if I'll be the same person afterwards, but I'm hoping that's for the better. I did a lot of research and choosing mantras based around love and trying to set my compass in that direction.
@A person 1 I kind of feel the same. Mostly health anxiety then diagnosed with OCD.
It's wild how the Harm OCD can really turn us upside down. It almost feels like other things like health anxiety are things we can work on, but yet harm OCD feels like it stops us in our tracks? But at the end of the day, they are all intrusive thoughts that just don't discriminate.
Yesssssss. I get angry thinking of what I could have done with myself had I received proper care before I was 39! Im still struggling and in ERP but it's nothing like it was. I'm still untangling some thought processes that really held me back.
With you on the anger part!
Yup, who I was prior to doing ERP was someone completely different. I wasn’t eating properly for days, my hygiene was horrible, I looked like a bum, quite literally. I felt like that one scene from The Aviator where the main character had a bad relapse and doesn’t leave his room for months. It really does consume you if you don’t face it with the proper science.
I feel this way a lot. I struggled with OCD for 12 years before getting ERP. Looking back, it's like there was this evil voice walking near me and just lying to me all day. All of my life decisions were affected by OCD and fear of it getting worse. After erp, i feel like i have no fear anymore. If another ocd episode strikes, i know exactly what to do and i can live life on my terms, not ocd's.
ok so... I am a desperate mom... my teenage son has contamination OCD... he has been washing his hands compulsively, not touching doorknobs, locking unlocking doors, wearing clothes once and throwing them to the floor because he thinks they are dirty... the handwashing is currently making his hands red and dry... I am afraid he will get a chronic skin disease... i changed his handsoap... i try to limit the times he washes but he gets really mad, like he is possessed by the devil.... by another entity.... i forgot...he is not drying his hands... He doesnt want to see or talk to any specialist.... he is 14... i have been reading books about OCD since I didnt know anything about it... I understand ERP is the only true and healthiest solution... and I mention it to him outloud once in a while.... I just did.... he was in the kitchen washing his hands (if he washes them in his bathroom I can hear him.....) and I gave him a towel from the kitchen... I said, you should dry your hands with this towel, it is not that clean (it had some tomato stains...) but you will be fine, you'll see... he screamed at me... said that I am crazy... and washed his hands again.... because he touched my hands..... What should I do???? I try to ignore him.... but it is getting worse and worse... I know he needs to want to get better, but what if it's too late when he realizes it?????
@Gottagetbetter He sounds a bit like my son who can be explosive and has some ODD with me at home. I’m wondering if an approach like Dr. Ross Greene recommended, CPS, in the book the Explosive Child may help you open up the conversation in a nonjudgmental, caring, hey I’m not trying to fix this way. It could really help get him to open up about his feelings about it, give you a way to share your concerns without putting him off, and hopefully come up with a solution collaboratively that you’re both willing to work toward. I highly recommend that book and approach. Good luck mama!
@Gottagetbetter Wish I knew how to help. I have this same issue but it has improved since I started using erp. The Covid outbreak made everything so much worse for me! Your son has to first realize that he has a problem. His peers will eventually let him know if they haven’t already. Maybe if you can find out what his specific fears are then you can try to address those fears. For instance, while covid is highly contagious it most likely doesn’t kill you even if you do get it. Logical tips like that can help. Erp is probably better but he has to want to do it.
@Gottagetbetter I’m so sorry your son is struggling with ocd. I have contamination ocd and hand washing has been something I’ve struggled with for a long time. Norwegian hand cream by neutrogena has helped my hands heal many times. I also would suggest he use it before bed at night since that’s when he’s not washing his hands. I hope this helps!
@JJ thank you so much! at this point, any help I can get is huuuuge!
@JJ Which one exactly? I went on amazon and they have different ones Norwegian hand creams by neutrogena.. fast absorbing, etc....
@JJ unscented...concentrated.... 😳😬
@Gottagetbetter Neutrogena Norwegian Formula Hand Cream 50Ml - Pack Of 3 https://a.co/d/gqSzihk
@JJ This one!
@JJ thank you soooo much!
@Gottagetbetter I once filmed my son when he was high to let him know what we saw and that he needed help. I don’t know how that would work with ocd though. I have ocd and contamination was never an issue. I would get stuck in a loop of checking the stove when leaving the house and harm issues. I know at the time of repeated checking it was crazy but the anxiety level was so high that I would check again. Having ocd is hard to explain unless you have it. Maybe when he is calm ask him how he feels when he needs to repeat washing his hands. Is it necessary or is he “stuck” thinking he wasn’t doing it right because ocd was telling him they were not clean. I think the thing that would help him the most is by him seeing that he needs help as you said. As a mom who’s son struggled with addiction for years my heart goes out to you. Don’t give up and be kind and compassionate to yourself.
@Gottagetbetter Hi there - I’m not a parent, but I once was a teen experiencing what I now decades later know was largely OCD. Your sons response to your attempts to help is taking me back…It is really hard to know something is wrong with you. And scary to feel you have no control over it. B/c that’s how strong it is. Your son my be experiencing shame. My advice to you: 1.) If a child has felt judged or has had high expectations put on them by a parent(s) it’s going to be hard for them to bring this to parents for help. Make sure your son understands and experiences you in a nonjudgmental manner. 2.) I would not ask him to do ERP. It’s more nuanced and requires one to first get past the initial trauma of experiencing ocd, then understanding how the mind works and why ERP works. It also requires the support of a therapist to first get started so that it’s accessible - I.e. one doesn’t just confront the biggest fear head on you build up to it. 3.) I would be careful not to circumvent understanding your son by reading up on OCD. Ask him what he’s experiencing. No one is a textbook definition. Remember being vulnerable is hard unless it feels safe. He is experiencing some fear. The fear is real, we all have fears. The fear itself isn’t the problem, it’s that his mind has ocd and so it creates bigger problems in its attempt to protect him. Especially true with contamination ocd. 4.) Help is possible at any point no matter how bad it’s gotten. The biggest concern is depression/the level of distress and inner turmoil he may be feeling - if it becomes unbearable that can be deadly. So that’s a top priority - at some point he may be open to anti-depressants if he is feeling depressed by this problem. And anti-depressants which often can help with anxiety/ocd, enough to make treatment accessible. I’m sorry you as a parent are going through this. I send lots of love and well wishes you and your sons way.
@Mama 🐻 - Ross Greene's book The Explosive Child is terrific and very user-friendly!
@Mama 🐻 My son doesn’t have OCD but his ODD
@Erin P My having to deal with his ODD and a bout of depression that he expressed as an anger (he’s a teen) made it harder for me to fight my core OCD. This book has been incredibly helpful.
@Gottagetbetter I have Contamination OCD and also use that hand cream, it really is quite good. Regarding your son and his fear of using a dirty hand towel to dry his hands, what about purchasing some paper towels? That is what I use to dry my hands, one and done. Through ERP I don't wash my hands as much, so we're not going through as many rolls of paper towels as we have been.
Hi There! This is such a tough position to be in and there are so many other parents out there that are going through what you are. You are such a brave and incredible mom for looking into resources to find him the help he needs. One thing that we recommend when you have a loved one who is not willing to participate in therapy is what we call here at NOCD an Education Session. You can have a session yourself with an OCD Specialist to learn tools and tactics to help your son and not enable him. Lastly - try to remind yourself that you cannot force help on people, but just do your best and that you certainly are. ERP is so very effective, but the person needs to be willing to do it indeed.
@Gottagetbetter It sounds like he would benefit from talking with a NOCD therapist
@Gottagetbetter For some, medication helps relieve the anxiety enough to consider therapy. It is very hard.
Yes, I feel as though I've been through multiple lifetimes. It's all so intense. The hold up for me is that I have psychosis thrown in, so it's like I have a chorus of people following me and insulting me everywhere I go in addition to the OCD. It's like ERP with thermobaric missiles.
I always say I've lived 10 lives!
I hope that one day I will be able to view my many ocd years in this way. Right now it's more like taming a wild animal...always on the verge of breaking out of its cage. I am definitely improving though.
Ha I love this. Taming a wild animal is exactly how it feels when you are going through it. I feel this!
Since I was over 30 when my OCD stopped being subclinical, I have a few me’s - who I was before OCD, who I was during extremely bad OCD and I would scream at my young son for all sorts of things I was afraid of that we in retrospect not an issue, etc. and the me after residential and step down treatment.
I have many "me's!"
Hello Kerry: My name is Christine Sweeney and I have completed my treatment through NOCD in 2022. I apologize for jumping in on your thread but I can't find a place to ask where to apply to become a Member advocate and what advocates can do. Could you please let me know who I can contact at your convenience. Thank you very much for your assistance!- Christine S
@Anonymous When you see a posting from an advocate you could ask them this as a comment.
Hi Christine! Thank you so much for your interest. You are welcome to email me with your resume and OCD Story to kerry.osborn@nocdhelp.com. We are not currently hiring, but I would love to keep your information on file. Are you already part of NOCD Alumni - volunteers here on the app?
you’re not alone 🫶
I really wish I could help you all threw this OCD and intrusive thoughts. We have to deal with this monkey on our backs. I'm going through a lot of things that I just don't want everyone to know about it but I hear voices in my head that I will be dead in a few weeks. Try telling someone you can trust they can't believe it because they have never experienced things like that so they think you're crazy. In most cases you just lose that friend ship after a little while but you're still stuck with the problem and the loss of your friends and then your family. Please pray for the good Lord to help you with all your heart. I promise you it might seem like it is happening so just don't give up. If you do you have wasted your time and his time he will always be there for you even if you give up but he can't help you if you kill your self it's in the Bible I will pray for you all doing that will take your mind off of the problem until it comes back. Sure wish I could help y'all more God bless you all
I feel like no one knows the real me, I dont even know the real me anymore. OCD has been my identity for so long I always wonder who the f would I be without it. My thoughts and opinions change so rapidly I dont know if their my own anymore. My moods and emotions are so up and down I'm wondering what's the real way that I feel. Have I just been lying all my life.
Has anybody else became someone totally different after your ocd experience? I miss the old me but some parts of me have changed for the better
Does anyone feel like their mental health challenges have become their identity? And if you have and overcame it, what was it that really helped you? Lately I’ve felt that that’s what I’ve been feeling since I was diagnosed with OCD and depression 2 and 1/2 years ago. And I think that was part of my processing phase, so I won’t say I was wrong for that. And that phase for sure can vary between people. But I’m just wondering if it’s time for me to step out of that thinking now 🤷🏻♀️
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond
