This is going to be a little embarrassing but anyone else struggle with taking care of themselves when the ocd is hitting ? And the depression is just to much to bear ? Like I haven’t shaved as much as I used to . I honestly take showers like once a day . It’s really hard to get out of bed sometimes . Any tips on pushing myself to do things again ? I haven’t washed my hair in like 3 weeks ?

Do any of you avoid cleaning because it makes you more anxious? I haven’t worn any makeup on in awhile except for my eyelashes and lipgloss , but after keeping them in my makeup bag for too long I get scared. I dropped these Bobby pins on the floor the other day in my bathroom and mind u I haven’t done a full bathroom clean since I left for Florida on the 6th and I came back the 13th. The Bobby pins were still clipped on the paper package (if that makes sense) and I didn’t touch the floor fully but the side of my finger touched the floor. I don’t think I immediately washed my hands after but eventually I did. I ended up getting some lipliner from my makeup bag and I purposely didn’t overwash my hands bc I’m trying to be better about not excessively washing them. I feel like touching the floor and not washing my hands right away caused a flare up. I do wanna put on a full face of makeup but I’m scared that I’ll get a wart or an infection on my face. I know I’ve talked about this numerous amounts of times but I had a wart the first week of February and sometimes I feel like the virus is still on the floor. I haven’t soft scrubbed the floor but I’ve used a lot of Clorox wipes to wipe the floor. Like I said though, I haven’t washed my floors since Florida and I think it’s just anxiety. I’m trying to let my mind settle and doing the “maybe or maybe not methods.” I just feel like that wart on my foot traumatized me. I wanna empty all my makeup out … like all the brushes and even the bag. I know it’s such a waste of money but there are times I’ll go buy the same makeup brushes bc I’m scared to get it contaminated. Ugh and when I fo go out and buy them my ocd kinda flares bc then it’s saying “maybe someone returned this makeup brush and used it and your gonna get a wart that way too.” 😣 It’s like I can’t win. And then I think to myself, “am I gonna get punished or will something happen to me if I do get a new brush?” 😞 it’s very exhausting! Please any advice would help!

This is gonna be a long one: So a little over a month and a half ago, my OCD started to spiral again. I’ve had ups and downs with it in the past, my main themes often changing. When I was younger it as afraid I’d run away, in middle school it was germs. But as I got older I started having intrusive thoughts of the meaning of life, suicide, and dying, with those fears being my common themes now I’ve gotten a lot better since it started back up, but lately have been panicking because I’ve had intrusive thoughts that my methods of trying to heal are wrong. I’m 21, and for the last 3 years have lacked ambition and haven’t pursued my dreams or things I want to do. I just sleep, work, eat junk food, and play games or watch YouTube on my time off. Things I still love, but after years of living this way, I’ve hit a breaking point and want to start doing more with my life and the people in it Yet, almost EVERY new thing I’ve been trying to do or start, I’ve been having thoughts that they’re wrong or won’t help. Here’s some examples: I’ve started trying to eat a bit healthier, and my brain is telling me it’s not gonna fix me and I’m just avoiding food I like (junk I know makes me tired and sad). Then the moment I indulge in even one unhealthy food item, it tells me I’m failing at taking better care of myself and that junk food just numbs the feelings Same with video games. I tell myself it’s okay to play them as long as it’s not to avoid anything or they don’t take up my life like they have been. The second I do I feel guilty, say it’s cheap dopamine and hindering me from being productive and that I’m numbing my feelings again Same story for everything. Trying to walk and go outside more. Head tells me I’m avoiding being home because it makes me anxious. Then when I stay home it tells me I’m wasting time I could be spending outside or with people I love I’ll wanna spend time with my family or friends because I’ve been a hermit for years and miss spending time with them. When I try to, head tells me I can’t because then I’m avoiding the issues I have and seeking reassurance, and that I need to learn to tolerate this alone. But then when I stay home too long, I get anxious and sad because it does make me happy being around them even if I’m not seeking reassurance, and they genuinely do help me feel better (for example I saw my grandparents last night and talked about my feelings and desire to actually go out and live life, and they helped me understand uncertainty is part of life and I should do things I want anyways and even helped come up with things I may like to try doing. Now my brain tells me it’s bad to get help or open up about my pain) I’ll have racing thoughts in my head and I’ll be arguing with myself over rather it’s better to face them head on, ignore them, or let them run their course. It feels like no matter what I do, I’m feeling guilty and shame for it. As if any attempt at feeling pleasure or doing something that makes me happy is “avoiding the problem”, like I HAVE to focus on my intrusive thoughts, anxiety, and sadness 24/7 otherwise I’m “avoiding/burying it again” I know not to avoid these things and it’s best to confront them (if they’re real problems I have like relationship issues and insecurities and loneliness) and learn to tolerate the anxiety and uncertainty of life and OCD, but my attempts at “helping myself” are quite literally what I feel is currently keeping me so miserable. They’re sucking whatever joy I have in life out, telling me it’s bad, and that I have to feel this way all the time so I can “learn to tolerate it” I’m just so scared of doing all of this wrong, and I think my OCD I knows that and is currently using that to toy with me. I want to be healthier and happier, but then I feel guilt and fear for not being healthy 24/7 and indulging in not healthy things like video games and the occasional junk food. Anybody else ever felt this way?

I have no clue when the last time I washed my hair was. I write down when I did on my calendar so I can make sure I don't go too long without washing. I'm too scared to see when the last time was, I know it will make me feel more gross and uncomfortable. I have enough shampoo and conditioner. But the one little stupid thing stopping me is my bonnet. A while ago, I wore my bonnet outside. When I went back inside, my head was itchy. I realized that some pollen must have gotten stuck in my bonnet. I have allergies. So, I figured it was no big deal and washed it in the sink. Then, my OCD gave me a habit of washing my bonnet every time I went outside, even if it was only for one minute to refill the dogs water bowl. And the washing got even worse, my OCD making me dip it in the water a certain amount of times and a bunch of other stuff. What happened recently was I opened the screen on the balcony to get my dog to come into the house, and I leaned a little outside while I was wearing my bonnet. My OCD made me think my bonnet was dirty again. It's not very easy to just ignore this compulsion. This one makes me think if I don't wash it, there will be pollen on it or other allergens and when I wear my bonnet when I go to sleep I will suffocate from my allergies and die in my sleep. I have no clue how to combat this. Hand washing it is really hard because of my OCD. I would love to wash my hair right now so I can feel clean, and not feel so embarrassed every time I leave the house, but I can't use my bonnet without intense fear. I was thinking, maybe I should buy a new bonnet and put away the old one until I feel better about it? Although I would have to wash the new one too because I don't really want to wear one that hasn't been washed before because new clothes are usually sprayed in chemicals to prevent bugs. I guess I could go to the store and buy one. Or just use the bonnet I already have. The reason I feel like I have to use a bonnet after washing my hair is also OCD I think, I'm not sure if it's OCD or logical. My hair will be very wet after washing it, and if I sleep in bed with wet hair the pillows and stuff could get moldy. I'm having success getting better from all my other OCD problems except for this one. Please, I could really appreciate some advice on how to beat this. I have a therapist but she doesn't specialize in OCD so she often doesn't know what to do for my problems. I really just want to wash my hair today.