Hopeless

The girl I really liked and seemingly liked me ,told someone (a close friend) it was because I was too clingy that she got scared off… I don’t feel like a good person in any way shape or form… even despite escorting a homeless woman throughout my night and getting her a charger for her phone… I feel like I can never be loved by any woman my age and above… I feel like a horrible person who deserves no relationship with a beautiful women my age and above…

cmac1339

Date posted: 2y

Most relationships fail in the real world, but most people who wait their turn find love. It’s when you stop caring about finding someone that they seem to just appear suddenly. My parents both had that same idea and they’ve been happily married all my life, and plan to always be.

Givenup

Date posted: 2y

@cmac1339 I don’t feel like I’m a good person because of this… I feel like scum of the earth because I was too clingy… she said that it was the most comfortable date she ever went on and wanted a second date but then said to my close friend that I was to clingy… I’m just done…

Erin P

Date posted: 2y

You sound like a good person. Be kind to yourself. If you work on your OCD with ERP you may feel more confident so this could be less of an issue when the right person comes along.

Givenup

Date posted: 2y

@Erin P I don’t feel like it… she thought I was too clingy… a red flag… I scared her off… everything was going well… she had said it was one of the most comfortable dates she’d been on… she wanted a second date… and then because of me screwing up and messing everything up I lost my chance with her… I’m a horrible person…

Erin P

Date posted: 2y

@Givenup If you were a horrible person there won’t have been a second date. Clingy is just that not evil, bad, mean or horrible but very much a part of being human and not perfect ( no one is). To me it sounds like OCD is really bullying you. If you have about 10 minutes you may find Reid Wilson’s first The Noise in Your Head video useful. It really illuminated for me how OCD makes us feel like we are failures.

Givenup

Date posted: 2y

@Erin P My HOCD was making me feel like I was in denial and making me think that I was homosexual and that I wanted a bf when I didn’t… the negative self talk is all me… she friendzoned me before the second date… and everyone agrees that being clingy is a red flag… I’m a horrible person… even if I do good things, it doesn’t atone me for my sins. And it isn’t going to get her to like me again… she will never like me again…

Erin P

Date posted: 2y

@Givenup I’m so sorry you are suffering so much. Rejection sucks. When I was in my teens and early twenties I thought I was unlovable. I did a lot of hard work and have now been married for over 20 years now. I pray that you will find self compassion and love.

Givenup

Date posted: 2y

@Erin P Do you think that I’m a horrible person based on what she told me…

Erin P

Date posted: 2y

@Givenup I know we aren’t supposed to give reassurance, but no I do not think this makes you a horrible person. I truly believe OCD is making you feel worse than you would if you didn’t have OCD. Sometimes I rewatch the video I mentioned to remind myself that my feeling like I’m a loser is because I’m forgetting to label those messages in my brain as OCD’s exaggeration of my flaws. I know it’s hard to have self compassion. I’ve had to work at it.

Givenup

Date posted: 2y

@Erin P She had said that she had never felt more comfortable on a date than our first… she had wanted a second date… but then she thought I was clingy and friend-zoned me two days later… I have no chance with her ever again… I will never find a woman who will ever like me…

Erin P

Date posted: 2y

I’m sorry you are stuck in a loop on this. I wish I could help. I hope you have a therapist who can help you through this. I have to go to bed now but I’m sending good thoughts and a 🙏

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