Is this age gap weird

I’m 19 my brother who is 16 showed me a video of one of his friends girlfriend and told me “isn’t she hot?” I feel like I did find her attractive and then I asked what her age was and he said 14. Why did I find her attractive if she’s that much younger than me? I’m also having trouble seeing girls in public I think are attractive but don’t know their age. They could be young and I still might find them attractive. Sometimes I force myself to look at these girls more than usual to really determine what their age is and if I find them attractive. I don’t stare intensely but it definitely feels strange doing it. Is this a problem that I can’t figure out if girls I find attractive are around my age? Or even if I know they are younger than me sometimes I might find them attractive? Why would I find them attractive if they’re too young for me?

I made posts worrying about age gaps, and I continue to worry. But I'm thinking about just looking at what I believe and what I currently think is moral, and saying whatever to what anyone else says and thinks. About me or others. I think at 18 someone is an adult, and I don't care about age gaps past that. If you're 18+, it's whatever who you date and it's not wrong to be attracted/have sex with someone much younger as long as they are 18+. I worry my thinking is wrong especially because of how many people are against this mindset, but I can't find myself agreeing with them and when I look this up online many opinions vary on what age gaps are okay and what age you become an adult. So, I'm thinking about just saying screw it and not caring about it for myself and other people. If I'm 30 and am sexually/romantically attracted to an 18-year-old, whatever. If someone is 20 and dating a 50-year-old, whatever. Not wrong and not bad.

I was watching a show with my girlfriend last night and I feel like I felt like the daughter character in the show was attractive. She's supposed to be like 16-17 in the show and I think she was around at age IRL. I'm 26F. I've felt nauseated for the past few hours, obsessively googling about ephebophilia. I'm upset and scared and grossed out now, but I feel like in the moment I didn't necessarily enjoy the feeling/thought, but I didn't feel horrified either. It felt like it was genuine but made me uncomfortable. My biggest compulsion is confessing and I'm so scared I'm going to confess to my girlfriend when she gets home. I don't want to gross her out and make her wary of me. I've confessed other things related to this theme in the past, but the older I get the more distressing it becomes because a 26 year old should not find a 17 year old attractive. I'm freaking out more as I type this. I just pray this is my OCD, but something tells me it's part OCD and part real. Idk what to do. I feel like a creep and a monster. I really want to stop googling but this is all I can think about now. Just reading comments of people saying how vile this situation is if it's real attraction. And I agree. I would do anything to make these thoughts and feelings disappear. Does anyone have any advice or thoughts?