Quick vent about math

I’m doing this here because I find that it’s easier talking here than to anyone close to me. I take online classes right? I started taking them after I came out of psych last year. It’s not super hard. I get to do most things on my own thing. One thing I’ve struggled lately, and have struggled with most of my life, is math. I HATE math. It’s hard. It makes me feel bad and has made me have awful thoughts. Not only that, but failing math is like… certainty that you have to retake the class and I’m already retaking 11th grade because towards the end of that year I tried something awful, ended up, at the hospital, then psych and not going back to public school after that. I’m not entirely sure if anyone has been through what I’ve been through. I know lots of people hate math like I do, but for me, it’s to the point where I’m scared of it. I don’t want to disappoint my parents. They really want me to go to college and have been even more adamant about it after I came out of the ward. It’s stressful and I’m very stressed right now. If anyone has read this far, thanks. I really appreciate being heard.

Anoymous

Date posted: 2y

Friend you’re doing awesome persisting through your studies. You know math is one of the only subjects that’s truly cumulative - meaning that the concepts we learn in grade school are necessary for understanding it later in high school. This makes it challenging. It’s also a subject where at some point prior to high school you were probably taught math by a teacher who also hated it and may not have understood it enough to pass on an appreciation for it (At least that’s likely true here in the US). It’s also a subject that is taught in a weird way at times which may not foster a conceptual understand (instead more tricks than anything else). Years ago I tutored some grade school and high school students in math. Some students had learning disabilities. Trust me they were and you are absolutely capable of learning it. I would recommend seeing if there are any resources for you to have a tutor. It’s possible you’re missing some understanding that’s making additional concepts hard to grasp. Also I think when we start to fear something our minds close off so I’d try to start challenging my thoughts around it. You can start by turning the “I hate it” into “I hate it but I can still learn it. It may take more effort or trying differently but I’ll be able to pass this class. And if I don’t I’ll find a way to continue my education for the work I want to do in life”

mementomori1

Date posted: 2y

i am so sorry about what u have been through. math really does suck but even if u are bad at it, u should still try. even if u fail some of ur tests, trust me, there is always a possibility that u will nail the future ones. i know how stress can get into the way and it makes everything difficult, i recommend u to put ur hands into cold water whenever u are feeling anxious because it decreases the stress-inducing hormone. remember to never stop fighting, u got this.

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

Funnily enough, I am an engineering student (math heavy) and I am not great at it either. Here is what I have learned up to where I am at now which is Differential Equations (calculus 4 some people call it)... repetition. Cramming is not going to work. You need to solve problems, get them wrong, over and over and over. Importantly, you need to be solving the problems that give you trouble at a very consistent basis until they become so easy, that they turn boring! Sounds almost too simple of an explanation but it is true. Listening to your professor walk through a problem will not cut it. You need to be able to go through the problems all by yourself (and I know that can be daunting, but take this slow and one step at a time). Also, get a tutor if you need it. They are a life saver and there is nothing to be ashamed of. I am using a tutor right now for my Differential Equations class

SugarCookiessᰔ

Date posted: 15w

To anyone who cares

I’m really depressed and lately life has been really really bad. Everyday, it’s like something horrible happens and my mind tries to make me forget it. My family life isn’t that great and everything is super tough for me. It’s like when I get better I go like a million steps back. I ended up doing something bad today:ended up becoming aggressive to myself and caused some ouchies) it hurt a lot and right now I’m really stressed and have been for a while. My mental well being has been extremely bad these days. I have obsessive compulsive disorder but for me it’s decently strong so it’s hard to contain, Complex-trauma, depression, and possibly ADHD. It’s an awful mix. My life is a living hell everyday. I’m not sure how much longer I can keep lying to myself to Myself that I’m getting better when in reality I’m in so much pain, it’s like I’m barely doing anything at all. Please, help, I’ve been acting not like myself. I want to live, even though it’s extremely difficult too and I rather much not be here, but people are counting on me and I don’t want to fail them. How can I convince myself to stay a little longer when I am fully burnt out from trying to get better? I’m in so much pain. I don’t know how to even deal with it. I’m so lost, I might lose it more, and I’m scared for myself. I feel like I don’t even deserve help. I’m so mentally unwell I can’t even think correctly. I hate everything and just want to sleep forever and ever. I’m so numb to it all. I don’t feel anything anymore.

izzy murray

Date posted: 13w

Feeling stuck in my room

Hi everyone. I need someone to talk to right now. My parents won’t like to what I have to say and it is making me feel hopeless. I really want to have a life this year if examples in person school, doing a job, or doing something that will make friends. I don’t have anything. For the past 15 months I have been all alone in my room. My parents forced me to do online because I had ocd. And I have gotten a lot better over this past year. And I feel 100% confident to go to in person school. My parents said that I can’t. And that you can do a program and online school again. I said to myself that I will have a life this year. And I am trying to make that happen. I am begging my parents to let me have a life, but I just feel trapped in my room and in my head. I want to go out and live. I don’t know if I should leave or stay. But at the same token I want to be able to have a life and not be in my room, but then I don’t know if my parents are right or not. Someone please say something cause I think I am about to give up

KatieRose0411

Date posted: 8w

Bad few days

Hi wonderful people. I hope you’re all doing well and if not, I really hope you find a moment of peace soon. Im really glad this app exists as a safe space for people. Im just coming on here to vent, I hope thats okay. The last few days have been rough for me OCD wise. Im getting ready to drive back to university which is a really long drive, and I have to do it alone. Driving is one of my worst OCD triggers- every time I’m on the wheel of a car I have these horrid intrusive thoughts about crashing, or what would have happened if I crashed and died/killed someone, or breaking a traffic law and being arrested. I feel like I need to turn around and double check I didn’t run a stop sign and ruminate over it and it’s terrible. And I have to drive exactly the speed limit or I’ll be arrested. Idk- I try my best to manage and just take breaks when I need to but my palms sweat and my hands shake and staring at nothing for hours at a time makes for great intrusive thought breeding grounds. And because I’m stressed my other ocd issues are popping up like rocd- I’m so grateful my poor boyfriend has the patience of a stone. We’ve both grown a lot over the past few months and a lot has changed since my diagnosis- especially now that we both know my “trust issues” are a symptom of something bigger. But I go through these cycles where the goblin convinces me he’ll someday become abusive. The whole “oh she/they/he was so sweet until xyz and then I was trapped and I thought they were going to murder me.” Back before I had my diagnosis and I was having “moments” as we call them, where I ruminate and ruminate and compulse for hours while having panic attacks, he would sometimes get frustrated and stressed and yell. It was always with love, something like “I dont understand why you cant just listen to me and take care of yourself” or “you know the coping mechanisms to feel better so why dont you do them” or “what do you want me to say? That everythings going to turn out horribly?” (Reassurance seeking). I know in my heart that these were vulnerable moments coming from not know what to do or how to help, but the goblin wont shut up and stop telling me these are somehow “red flags” that someday hes going to turn and become abusive towards me. And then sometimes i compulse that if I just do xyz it wont happen, like not talk or something. Idk, Im just scared and frustrated. We’ve had conversations about the yelling and how it’s a trigger and hes been really good about stepping away when he needs a minute- especially now that we both know what “moments” really are, instead of a seemingly random psychotic break multiple times a week. Im also getting better now that I’m on meds. But gosh when the goblin pops up it just makes me crazy. Im just grateful he knows about ocd and has been so supportive throughout everything. (I feel like in post I should note that we’re partially long distance, we live 5hrs apart during the school year and see eachother on breaks. He gets frustrated and stressed when I’m having an attack and he physically cannot be there to help me.) Idk, Idk what Im really saying. I’m just quite stressed and theres a lot of goblin thoughts pingponging around my head and making quite the racket. I spun out last night in a compulsion attack and panic attack and it really stank, I don’t really remember a lot of it now. My partner was with me and it was related to both of the above and all he could do was keep me from pulling at my hair and hold me until I came out of it. I feel horrible for putting him through all of this but I’m also so grateful. Idk, everything’s just so stressful right now. If any of you read to this point thank you, I’m sorry this was so long, I just really needed to explode out into the anonymous void. Thanks again

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