I literally want to start crying now. I've been a ball of different emotions today. It feels so real right now. A week ago I used to get nauseated and super anxious by the thoughts now it feels like it's what I want and that I could actually do it? I'm so distressed I can't set down. I literally feel a weird pressure going up my head whenever there's something gay in front of my eyes. If I try to play with it it feels so real I feel like my eyes could pop out of my head or I don't feel nothing at all? I was more calm before I started accepting these stupid thoughts but now I feel like there's no going back. I'm so desperate

I find that OCD is way more than intrusive thoughts. It’s also intrusive feelings, urges, and sensations. And those can be the hardest to deal with. Hang in there!

I’m so sorry you’re in crisis right now. Accepting these thoughts is a crazy scary journey. For all of us. Not feeling anxious about the thoughts is the first step to recovery. But OCD is layered. Once the primary anxiety stops, we get anxious about NOT feeling anxious. But you can treat this anxiety just the same as the first time: sit with it until it dissipates without doing compulsions. At the end of the day, it’s important to remember that there is no way to make anyone gay/bi/etc. There’s no way to lose “you,” no matter what you think or how scary and real it feels right now. You’re under there still. You just can access it right now. And that crazy pressure all over your brain? I get that too. Do you ever remember having “real” emotions — before OCD hit — feel like that? I’m guessing the answer is no. I don’t either. Try some deep breathing exercises. Remember that as hard as it is, you WANT to face the anxiety because you want to habituate to it. Healing is not as far away as it feels. Good luck!

Is okay to have lapses in the way. But you are doing it okay. Those are only bad moments, you are going to get out of this. Tomorrow will be different. You are working hard.

But it feels too real. Before I saw a group of girl and I felt a weird pressure in my head and it felt like I was about to explode and it felt like I could actually do all those things. And whenever I reassure myself my mind immediately tells me I want to be bi/gay or whatever. I'm crying so hard

It sounds like you’re having a backdoor spike. Whenever you start to get on the path to recovery, the thoughts start to feel more real. It’s normal and a good sign that you’re on the right track!

It's felt so real for almost six days now, it's so horrible it's like I really want this and I'm able to do all those things. I'm so freaked out right now, my mind keeps saying this is what I want and that my ocd has made this real. I want to go back to before my mind tells me I don't, I just want to cry I don't know how to make this stop

The anxiety about not having anxiety comes and goes. It's mostly weird uncomfortable sensations now and physical and emotional discomfort. But thank you for this it was really encouraging :)

Thank you so much :)

Remember that the thought is to like women an the compulsion is thinking you can date them, how you can do it, etc. You can't stop the thought. But you can stop the compulsion so that way you will stop thinking that much in your obsession.