You yourself can be your biggest critic - remember that you're going through something immensely difficult, and try not to be not too hard on yourself throughout it. I had to be more intentional, and had to practice being kinder to myself - giving myself credit when I tried, and giving myself a break if I felt defeated, or took any steps backwards. Be kind to yourself!
can you give any tips on being kinder to yourself? i know a lot of us with OCD find that tricky. i find it hard to do that sometimes and find it easier to just criticise myself
Of course, I also found it much easier to divert to criticism. I had to be more purposeful about it, and if I was having a bad day - I would kinda just tell myself "It's okay to have bad days, you're doing your best, this doesn't mean you can't go forward again, allow yourself to be exhausted - because OCD can be exhausting" - phrases of encouragement to myself, somewhat affirmations. I remind myself that OCD is a terrible condition, and managing it, and getting through it is an incredible feet. And I realize I deserve more credit than I give myself when I really think about it. Also remember to congratulate yourself, and essentially give yourself a pat on the back when you face OCD head on, and you stay true to your values, versus what OCD is telling you. They're all acts of courage!
Something that helps me, as well, to add to the OG poster, is I will remind myself of my friends who take care of themselves first, like "what would they do"? It seems odd, but I often over extend myself and critisize myself, and feel like I have to be perfect and there for everyone... when I step back and think how many of my friends take care of themselves first and don't run to help me or others at the detriment of themselves, it helps me do that for myself and have compassion. Like, "oh, other people do this and I still care for them and don't think they are terrible, I still want to be friends with them" etc. it helps me put the compassion outside of myself and see that it's really totally okay for me to take a break, or be kind to myself, because it's what I do for everyone else in my life. Then I can get a "back door" to it, and the critical mind can't attack me for it. Hope that makes sense.
@ Like I tell myself, I know the real me, and God surely knows, my brain may misfire, but my heart is true
Thanks Kyle, I'd add that one way to be kind to yourself is to counterintuitively help someone else. People make other people better. Especially if you're not used to being kind to yourself.
Other people can bring the best or the worst in us. That's part of working on being kind to ourselves, to not let other people bring the bad side of us out.
@Ray BB - Yes I love this, thank you Ray!😃
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You're so welcome! It's normal to beat yourself up over mistakes, and I fall into that as well. When you're feeling really down, try to pause and remind yourself everything you've gotten through, and how strong you truly are 🙂
I needed this 🙏🏽
💛
Thank you for this reminder :) It's often the missing piece and I forget to do it.
I do too! It takes practice 🙂
I have pure O and I feel guilty all the time that even my compulsions doesn’t seem to be enough. ERP is not an easy thing, but I’m trying. But I quit ERP most of the time. I feel it’s my fault I can’t settle this down. I always feel extreme guilt.
I'm sorry to hear you're feeling extreme guilt Aya. I know it's hard to get past. ERP is hard work - I had many ups and downs myself. Are you working with an ERP specialist at NOCD?
@ No I’m not. I am going to therapist outside NOCD. I think it’s too expensive unfortunately.
@Aya El Saeed - I understand! Are you seeing a therapist in person or virtually? We do accept many insurances, and I'd be happy to look further into that for you!
@Aya El Saeed Aya, I understand exactly that terrible guilt feeling!! I have really awful thoughts, such as, this is hard to say, but I feel like this app is a safe space for me. I will never think sexual thoughts anymore because I am afraid if I think of sex I will think of an animal, or I get afraid I will think of women, or another man besides my husband, or I’ll think of a child. These thoughts made me feel so I’ll and like I would throw up. The guilt is intense! I feel like I have done something really terribly wrong. I, also, feel like if I see an attractive man, other than my husband, I have done the mortal sin, and I have to tell my husband that I saw a man and I thought he was better looking than he is. I feel such incredible shame and guilt that I won’t even look up and accidentally lock eyes with a man, or woman!!! I want you to know that the guilt is something I am learning to deal with. I know both of us can make it through these difficult OCD situations. WE WILL MAKE IT. THIS IS WHAT I TRY TO GET My BRAIN TO THINK! If I am feeling particularly guilty I try to make the thought go away, by trying to make myself think of something, immediately. An example of this would be, if I thought I saw a handsomer man then my husband, and the guilt is engulfing me like a tidal wave, I will “TRY” to think of something else, like getting a tall glass of iced tea and a hamburger. Try to think of how juicy the hamburger would taste and how much the tall glass of iced tea would quench your thirst. Would you put any Sweetener in your tea? Would you put mustard or ketchup on your hamburger? Would you cut your burger in half or eat it whole? When you think these thoughts, I shift my focus from being so guilty about my seeing a man as handsome as my husband! If I try to shift my thoughts like this, I hope one day I can not feel so guilty and like I have done wrong. AYA, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! DO’NT GIVE UP!
Being kind to myself while having pocd is so hard, I’m just a kid myself and even though I know it’s ocd I still can’t get over the guilt of it and I feel like I’m horrible if I forgive myself for the thoughts and compulsions
I understand. I've struggled with these thoughts as well and it was harder than anything else for me! The more I practiced ERP, I was able to overcome the thoughts and release myself of the guilt and shame.
Thank you for this. I've been struggling and suffering the most I ever have with contamination OCD this past week. I truly needed to hear this.
I'm so sorry! Stay strong, you can get through this! It will pass💛
Thank you❣️I was feeling discouraged and opened the app; this was the first thing I saw and it was what I needed to hear 🥰.
Oh I'm so glad! It was meant to be! Stay strong🤍
My therapist recommended a workbook that is helping me with this: The Self-Compassion Workbook for OCD
Thank you for sharing!😃
That's a good one 👍
Hi there, I’m very new here and I feel so alone in my own life I’m extremely embarrassed by the thoughts that run in my head it starts from the time I wake up and they aren’t good about my faith and religion
I'm very sorry you're feeling alone. Thank you so much for sharing this. I'm glad you're here - we all understand! Are you familiar with Religious Scrupulosity OCD by chance? This article is helpful: https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/scrupulosity-ocd. Please join into our live youtube webinars as well, it's a great place for community and understanding! I was extremely embarrassed by my intrusive thoughts as well, and it took time, but I was able to challenge and overcome them. Things can get better! Please let me know if you have any questions about OCD or therapy.
I opened the app bc of course, I'm starting the criticizing my self cycle this morning and thank you. I just needed to see it and it helps too bc I know Im not the only one out here beating myself up over and over again
Of course Samantha! I used to beat myself up all the time when OCD was loud. It's hard not to, because you naturally take the blame for it all. But you are bigger than OCD, and even if it shows up - you can decide to act against it. It's hard work, and sometimes you aren't able to - and that's okay I've realized. It comes down to trying. Keep trying, and think about all the hard things you've been through, and how strong you truly are!
I can't give my self false credit it's like lieing to myself. That's one reason I try to dress sharp it makes me feel better guess we all have to do to make your self feel better.
Thank you so much...I'm working on all the mean toxic things i say to myself.
Nice job!!🙂 it takes practice!
It's good to encourage one's self
Yes! I think we can be our biggest champions🙌🏼
Can you control your dreams and I see that I am not the only one I get to the point that just drives me crazy. Things that are real and things that are not it seems to get worse as you start cleaning yourself up I guess trying to fix this one for awhile.
OCD used to enter my dreams and it was very overwhelming! I felt I could never escape it.
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Of course! I had times in therapy when I was progressing, but then fell backwards again into OCD - and I used to be hard on myself during those times. I eventually realized those were the times it was most important to be gentle with myself, as I was really struggling. I would allow myself to be frustrated, but not at myself. I tried to stop interpreting things as "failures", and more so as opportunities to improve. It came down to perspective for me.
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