- Date posted
- 2y
Not sure what to do (SA allegations mentioned)
Some advice would be amazing, been stressing for days! I have a male friend who has just been accused of sexual harassment, kicked out of uni for it yet he denies it ever happening. He’s explained the story to me several times, and even though he could be lying so could she. I’d hope nobody would ever lie about such a thing, but I also hope he’d never do such a thing. He’s having to take legal action due to the fact he’s been kicked out of his uni because of it. The story he tells me is that they all went on a night out, she started throwing herself on him which he was confused about and by the sounds of things went with because he found her attractive thought why not, on a night iht you kiss strangers if consent is given and by the sounds of things she kissed him, but she didn’t want anything sexual which he was like yeah that’s fine. She was the one making the advances to which he allowed. She wanted to stay in his bed he said sure, she showed up wearing basically nothing (which isn’t consent I’m not saying anything like that, it is it’s just a part of the story, she came into his room wearing nothing underneath a shirt. He made no advances, it’s just how the night goes in his story), due to the small uni beds they both cuddled each other to go to sleep, she held him and stuff like that. He says that they fell asleep his arm was over her front holding her waist and now she’s accusing him of groping her in her sleep. I feel fucking terrible for both parties, I don’t know who’s telling the truth, I don’t know what actually happened I wasn’t there. I don’t just want to say he did it just because she’s a female, I also don’t want to say he didn’t do it. There isn’t any evidence, but there are eye witnesses to the events before the overall event in his room. Them kissing and touching and stuff, both going for it. So I replied with this “Fucjing hell this entire situation is insane, legal action is a safe way to go. It’s hard to prove either of your statements, so going down this road for your future is a good option. I’m so sorry it’s happening. It’s a really serious situation no matter what’s happening on both ends, the fact it’s now having legal action, shows it. So you’ve been kicked out of uni all together? Not just your accom but uni? What was the investigation process like for them to kick you out?” I wanted to say something without actually saying anything, I don’t want to side with anyone. As a female I know how this feels if he did do it, I’ve had it happen only slightly many times, but am I a horrible person for saying that I’m not going to believe any side of this? Either one could lie right? It’s not just the man. Equality is a justice for both men and women, if he didn’t do it why should we believe him any less? I just can’t help but hear people in my head telling me I’m being sexist because she’s accused him of a pretty disgusting thing, that’s he’s adamant he didn’t do and I’m like idk what I’m meant to think! It’s like I have other peoples voices in my head screaming at me that I have to side with the one who made the allegation. But then I think about celebrities and the most recent Johnny Depp case, we all agreed then that he was being falsely accused, was it because he was famous that it was okay to side with the man? I’m not siding with anyone in this case, I’m letting him rant and get everything out but I’m not sitting there giving him validation. I’m apologising, saying it’s a shit situation and that’s it. Idk what’s right or wrong I’m really stressed out