I was playing a game and it really made me furious but i took it out on myself and I decided to just stop playing for the day. I always get intrusive thoughts of this happening but it happened. Sometimes when im really pissed off i just take act out the anger. This doesn't happen often, in fact it's really rare but I instantly regret it when it does. I hate being extremely pissed off like this
This DOES NOT happen often. Often times I'm a calm collected patient individual but when I feel this certain kind of anger it's different. I have to do better with coping with it. When this does happen, I'm usually sad at the event, thinking about it all day. It might even make me cry. I guess during these times I acted like everything was fine and it really wasn't at all, but I knew to just walk up and down and take deep breaths, which is what I did eventually. I don't want anyone to think I'm crazy. I instantly regretted this before and I've had intrusive thoughts about the first time this has happened. I also got angry like this when I was much younger so I guess I've always had this different kind of anger. I'm calm now. I'm trying not to ruminate about this but when it happens again I don't want to repeat this same action and I want to handle it better.
Accept that it may or may not happen again - that will help.
Hi, Erin. I hope it doesn't happen again because I know I will regret it and it will be painful after. I hate to get upset, especially when I come off vicious like that.
@BigGip09 But doing the maybe maybe not will help you not obsess.
@Erin P That's true. I'm doing my best to not ruminate about this. All I can say is that I'm really disappointed that it happened and it's very scary when it does. I'm just glad it doesn't happen often. Have you been doing okay?
@BigGip09 It’s been mixed. Making tiny progress on my core issue but having to catch the ways that OCD is trying to come at me with other subtypes. I haven’t found someone to help me ( too severe for NOCD and the IOP I was at). But being on this chat is helping me stay afloat and keep up my momentum. I’m hoping you are feeling a little better now.
@Erin P I'm glad you've been making progress. That's good! I hope it continues to get better for you. I'm kind of scared at the moment. I have intrusive thoughts about what happened earlier. It's the second time it's happened and I'm ruminating about it. I'm hoping that it goes away and next time when I get really mad I don't do it again. After I did what I regretted, I took deep breaths and that helped more at least.
@BigGip09 Breathing can help you get to a point where you can do what you need to. Sending you strength.
@Erin P Yeah. I think that's what I'll do now. Now I feel afraid of my anger
@BigGip09 Breathe. Try mindfulness. Don’t let OCD suck you into ruminating if you can resist it.
@Erin P I guess breathing is my answer for any emotional needs. Have you ever seen my situation before? I know I'm not alone on this but I would like for it to not continue. Ever. I'll just take your advice. You're always a big help.
@BigGip09 I have had to resort to just breathing when in a complete panic for my contamination fears. When that’s gotten me to a level where I am not complete paralyzed by fear I have done ERP - it the only way to fight OCD. If I haven’t already provided you with the link below I think Shala’s advice on ERP scripting would be really helpful for you. It feels terrible when you first do it but then your anxiety goes down as you accept the uncertainty. I use this for rumination and anticipatory anxiety for upcoming activities. I hope this helps. https://www.shalanicely.com/aha-moments/erp-scripting-for-ocd/
@Erin P Breathing is helping, but I've also realized that while I'm someone that usually doesn't get angry a whole lot, it's been hard for me to deal with anger in the past. I would lash out heavily with would eventually make me guilty and very sad. Now it's sometimes turn into this, but I have no idea how. Granted, it hasn't happened enough times but I'm still scared of it happening again. I just don't want it to, you know? I hope this isn't getting annoying
@BigGip09 I hear you.
I have this issue where I can vividly imagine hurting others or animals or say things OUTLOUD that may be disruptive or disrespectful becauss I am overstimulated by soemthing someone is doing or saying. So, Over stimulation with people and animals and things they do can be a big part of it, Sometimes I will see soemthing that bothers me about someone and I just want to either fix it or hit them because they make me so overstimulated I just want to hit the problem. I never act on these things obviously but SOMETIMES it leaks out and I hit my hands together to calm the urges. I really don’t like imagining hurting others but when I get mad I obsess over what I would or could do to them or might or would’ve in a situation in the past, had it planned out differently. I keep thinking about it and thinking about it and then get upset with myself because I know it’s wrong to be thinking about hurting others and it worries me I may someday act on something impulsive and harm someone. Sometimes I cry about it because I never want to hurt people. Really I don’t. Most of these thoughts happen in milliseconds and I have a second part in my brain like a THOUGHT processor/auto corrective thinking reminding me I can’t do that because it’s morally wrong and I am too good of a person to do that and there is nothing to stress over.
Just now, I was driving and I made it to a four-way stop and I made it to the stop and I thought it was my turn to go. I started to turn and this other car from my right started driving too and so I just kind of made a confused face because I was confused. He on the other hand, made a confuse face back at me like I was stupid and kept driving. After that without much thinking, I just turned to follow him and while I was driving behind him, I felt bad because I did not want him to think that I was actually after him. And then I kept on driving so he wouldn’t think I was trying to follow him, but it was in that moment where I just didn’t think and turned behind him. I was a little upset, but only because he made a face like I was dumb. Now I’m having thoughts of just thinking that I’m a stalker and I’m gonna follow him and hurt him when I know I was just a little upset, but didn’t wanna do anything. I promise you I legit just turned after him without much thinking and while following him felt the intrusive thoughts and stuff. Was made to fight even worse is that while waiting for food I had ordered over an app, I couldn’t fight the thought of just going back to where he turned off the street after I kept going to stop “following” him, so I went back down there on the spur of moment and making me feel bad again. I don’t wanna hurt anybody and I don’t want to stalk anybody. It was literally just an impulsive thing but now I feel scared about myself.
I'm currently crying rn as I write this post. I feel horrible and scared. I recently had an argument with my dad. I hate being angry because my intrusive thoughts get so much worse. We were arguing in a heated way and he came up to my face and I noticed my own reaction which was that my fists clenched up (I become very hyper aware of myself) Anyway I realized they were clenched and that they twitched in anger. I remember telling myself "please no please this doesn't mean I'll act out. Please no don't think. I really do not want to hurt anyone. Please I'm not losing control. Please dont act out." And I started to cry I stopped arguing but began to cry in anger and fear. I'm scared this means I was going to act out. I didn't want to talk to him anymore I just shut down and he asked me what's wrong with me and I just responded with "you're making me very angry. I need some space now okay?" And he said he wasn't very angry with me and I shouldn't be angry with him and he left me alone but I feel so guilty. Did I want to hurt him? This is causing me way too much distress.
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond
