Idk why but I feel like whenever I’m here at work , I seem to get even more anxious. I can’t stop worrying about being a different person . I have moments where I forget then it comes back . Or like I was eating earlier and I was worried it would start to taste like fieces Nd I will start hallucinating . I legit do not feel the same anymore . That’s the scary part about all of this . I keep trying to search for some kind of relief and I can not find it no matter what I do . I can’t even remember what it felt like to be myself again . This is just causing so much stress on me . I can’t even bare . I’m afraid that I don’t have ocd . Or I do have ocd along with another more serious mental issue . I can’t get to a doctor . I hate living like this . I been getting suicidal thoughts all week . I’m scared . Idk what’s happening or going to happen . I’m at work and I can’t leave early again . I can’t afford it . I’m not as responsible as I used to be . I’ve let myself go as well as everything around me . I need a grasp on life again. I swear I was on such a good path . I knew what I wanted and what I needed to do . Now I feel like I can barley function everyday . I push myself all the time and I feel myself withdrawing from everything I’m scared . I need help . I’m just begging for some kind of help from somewhere

Breath. Forget about the past or the future for a moment. Stay right in the exact moment you’re in and just focus on your breath. Work is probably more stressful precisely because you think of it as the worst place to have a break down. The more you fear anxiety, the harder it attacks. Can you afford online therapy? Have you been reading any OCD books? How about a CBT workbook? Have you looked up any local OCD support groups? How about a mindfulness app? What’s something you could do to aid your recovery? Also, have you tried creating a gratitude list? Gratitude has been shown to reduce anxiety and it’s a great way to remember all the good things you have. Write out everything you’re grateful for. Read it and add to it every day. I’ve noticed you reach out during work many times now. I hope you can come up with a way to reduce the pressure, stay present, and do small things to reduce stress at work.

Hi! Being at work used to make my OCD worse, too. I know how hard it can be. I’ve also been there where OCD was making me having suicidal thoughts. It does get better though! Do you mind me asking what type of OCD you have so I can help you better?

I’ve had all of those before. The exposures I’d recommend to start off with for each are Harm: listen to angry or violent music (I listened to Blood//Water by grandson. and some other songs I can’t remember). For DID OCD I’d recommend an iPhone game called Layton Brothers Mystery Room where a character has DID. And for Schizophrenia OCD try watching A Beautiful Mind. You’ll get through thisn

Work your way through it slowly. You can do it! If it ends up being too much for you to start off with, look for something a little tamer

Thank you so much for the support. I pray that I will be ok

I’ll pray for you tonight!

Thank you

@erin174 it keeps switching one minute I’m afraid of have DID , then I’m afraid or having schizophrenia, then I’m afraid killing someone, then I’m afraid that I’m not myself anymore . It’s making me so depressed and I just can’t snap out of it

@pureolife I’ve been looking for specialist there’s not lots of resources around my area . The resources that I have found are very far or way to expensive. Trying to just forget about all of this but it’s getting frustrating.

I wanna try I’m just a little afraid