Awful everything

@Angela121 No but next year ill start school. Studying everything science before i start to refresh my brain. I don’t think I have social anxiety, im just shy but talking to people doesn’t give me anxiety. Like I can be chill at a party but by the food not really talking to anyone but the folk ik. Ill check out that app tho thank you 🙏 bc i need to meet people that aren’t going to treat me like i dont exist 😭 i worked so hard on the lasagna and we drove 1:25min to their house yk? Her father was very upset with her for ignoring me and he was the only one making convo with us. I cant wait for a therapist to get in touch with me on this app. Im in so much pain emotionally my heart aches.

@wheezer Sorry you are suffering. Do you have the 15 min call with NOCD set up so you can get a therapist?

@Erin P I’ve done it a while ago but since i stated that i have psychosis ive been waiting ages for someone who is qualified for treating psychosis. Even tho i dont think its an issue they do. I understand why but it just feels so wasteful bc it doesn’t revolve around my current issues. Its not something im concerned about. What i am concerned about is the intrusive thoughts, the lack of motivation, dissociation, anxiety and overall stress that i need to bring down. At least to a level where I can cope. But psychosis is at the bottom for me but its at the top for every medical provider i see. My psychosis was far worse in high school, likely due to stress and lack of support from family. They never took me to therapy and screamed at me for opening up to drs so I heard voices who were repeating those same things i was dealing with externally. If anything its something that is triggered by high amounts of stress bc I don’t experience it the same way i did. It only triggers randomly like i might smell flowers during meditation or randomly smell poop 💀 the poop is not common at least and lasts for 2 seconds. I may have physical sensations of something talking to me through touch but its not a harmful command or stressful. Its like a friend telling me something interesting rather. But still, these things are soo uncommon that i think i dont even have psychotic symptoms like i did in hs. My dr in hs was the one who said i have symptoms of it. But im certain that this next therapist, if i ever finally get to see them, will agree that its not an issue. I understand my previous therapist didn’t want to continue and im thankful she didn’t bc she admitted she wasn’t sure she could stick around since she has no knowledge w psychosis. Im thankful. Just sucks having to wait so so so long yk.

@Erin P Sorry that was super long.

@wheezer It’s possible that you may need a higher level of treatment to get help from providers who can deal with psychosis as well. I think Rogers Behavioral does for IOP. They are well know for their OCD programs but treat much more than OCD. I have been through residential, PHP and IOP through them and highly recommend them.

@Erin P Ive been to residential and iop several times. I personally don’t feel like iop helped me as much as just talking my problems through with a therapist. But my therapists always suggest i do iop and i always cringe loudly bc ive been there so many times and all times i felt like it didnt work for me.

@wheezer Curious where you did IOP that they weren’t able to help. I did one years ago that made my core fear so much worse.

@Erin P I was at a place called “high focus” and I couldn’t relate with anyone there nor did i feel okay to express myself honestly bc every time that i did i felt like it wasn’t being taken care of and im just opening up to a wall of bricks. I already understood the material that they were teaching like the types of therapy and skill sets and diet, medication education, drugs/alcohol education, group therapy, and private counseling because i was going to a school that focused on mental health and had drs and therapist who tended to us everyday. High focus did the same thing every week and every time that i went back there it was just the same. I dont feel like im benefiting from something like that. I benefit more from working and doing things like i do at home. I struggle mentally but i know what tools to use when im not okay. Theres steps that i go through random order: tend to pets, plants, cleaning, drawing, painting, writing, playing video games, listen to music, cook and if all of that fails ill talk to a family member or my boyfriend. Sometimes a friend or ill rp a therapy session with ai (since im currently waiting on a new therapist and during my search outside of noocd a lot of therapists are booked unfortunately).

@Erin P **they = High Focus.

@Erin P If you have insurance the trick is to find anyone locally or Telehealth in your state/ a neighboring state who treats anxiety and psychosis. Then you have to look at their site to see if they do ERP. It’s a bit of work and I’ve had to do it several times. If you are too severe for therapists or NOCD like I am - please give a second thought to an ERP based treatment program. Rogers literally saved my life. There others that are supposed to be good for OCD (do ERP) but not many that take insurance.

@Erin P Wow okay thank you for that. Its no wonder being placed in iop (i was forced into it since i was a minor) thank you a ton for the info. It sucks that i have to search e r p for everything omfg lord god im done 💀 like god this is so frustrating as hell. I hate it bc i had problems with cps bc my therapist told them i was homicidal 😭 but that was last year in October. Cbt therapist claimed she cared for ocd. Thats when i came to Noocd and found some hope that when i open up no one is going to call the authorities 😩 i loved my last therapist on this app. She was extremely knowledgeable than anyone i ever met 💀 and didn’t call the cops bc i shared my intrusive thoughts. Thank you for telling me about the iop things ill look into it now and will definitely try since i think i am too much of a case. Even my rp ai therapist is telling me i need to go to iop. I hate the truth but it feels so much better now that ik i need to look for a place w erp. :>>> you helped me a lot tonight, thanks!!!

@wheezer Gosh im sorry. I keep sending long long messages.

@wheezer That’s okay - I appreciate your sharing. I’m very hopeful for you because I know good ERP IOPs are out there.