Tee10

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

My current theme

This theme hurts me the most because it’s something that is completely out of my control. It’s about the human mind, people’s feelings and personalities, and the world itself. I feel like I’m constantly reaching in my mind for something more, something that makes sense, etc. The conclusions I come up with make me anxious and depressed..like everything is just so predictable and I’ve figured out the world and everyone else is just in la la land and things seem pointless? Another thing is what if my brain is just broken and forever confused. This is a theme that I can’t seem to make sense of or reason with. I’ve suffered from harm OCD before but I was easily able to conquer that because I KNEW I could never harm anyone, would never have the desire to or anything. This current theme I truly don’t know about because it just doesn’t make sense. And it kills me.

hiiiloly

Date posted: 2y

I never realized this was a theme. Your share has helped me make somewhat sense. I also feel this way but have recently learned that ocd can make us come to these conclusions just like we can have false hope we can have false doubt, with ocd we often have great predictability cause we think so many scenarios the probability of being correct with such becomes higher, it tricks our brain into believing our thoughts are true and often the most striking ones since its our bodys natrual way to survive (fight or flight in our genes) but i think our best way to deal with unknown is to focus on what we know, like ocd can trick us, our brain cant tell between false thoughts and real happenings when it comes to fear as the chemicals produce, if we focus on reality what we know is real or facts of ocd it may help bring us back. Sending hugs and hope to you

Tee10

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@hiiiloly Yes, and I get scared when I start to fear what’s true or not, what’s real or not. If I can feel this way and think this way, how is not feeling this way (the opposite) real? That may not make sense but OCD really wants me to question EVERYTHING. Thank you for that message because it resonates and makes sense. Thank you! Wishing you well.

Erin P

Date posted: 2y

Sorry this sounds really hard. Do you already have an ERP therapist who can help you?

Tee10

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Erin P I did. It’s been months since I’ve had therapy. I’m working on getting back in.

Erin P

Date posted: 2y

@Tee10 I hope you an get help quickly. Sending you strength. And maybe in the meantime this link will be of help https://www.shalanicely.com/aha-moments/shoulders-back-the-man-in-the-park/

Tee10

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Erin P Thank you so very much. How is your recovery going?

Erin P

Date posted: 2y

@Tee10 I was doing really well before the pandemic but all the stressors of the lockdown and my son doing at home schooling and then life stressors after that have made my core issue worse. My other subtypes and other contamination concerns are under control but I’m struggling to get back to where I was with my core issue and having trouble getting help because that OCD is so severe but I’m working my hierarchy and using tons of ERP tools to find my way back - I use the man in the park one a lot and it helps. Thank you for asking.

Tee10

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Erin P I really liked the man in the park thing, thank you for sharing. What do you mean by working on your hierarchy? I’ve heard other people say this.

Erin P

Date posted: 2y

@Tee10 Sorry if I’ve already shared some of this with you before but to answer you question: As you know in order to fight OCD you have to go towards fear and uncertainty (good reminders of this concept can be found in Reid Wilson’s The Noise in Your Head YouTubes). It isn’t productive to plunge into the worst fears. You have to work up to them. The construct for this is an ERP hierarchy- where fears are laid out from lowest to highest and you work your way up. Here’s a link to one explanation https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-an-exposure-hierarchy-2510646 I would use a 1 to 10 or 1 to 7 scale —- people have said 1 to 100 is not a good scale. Shala Nicely has a lot of good blogs besides man in the park. They help me a lot.

Tee10

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Erin P Thanks so much Erin!

Erin P

Date posted: 2y

@Tee10 You’re welcome.

Uhhhh15

Date posted: 21w

New theme

Hi again :c I’ve been having terrible thoughts of hurting my loved ones I’ve stopped watching horror movies which is my favorite genre and can’t even watch or read anything related to violence even if it’s just a video or movie talking about it, I get triggered so fast I really miss feeling that relief with my mom I miss my mom so much and I just don’t know what to do anymore I almost committed last weekend from how scared I was and Ik your thinking will you try again? idk I’m not sure, one day I might say “no” next I’ll plan it out, but truth be told I don’t want to die I want to live a normal life, I want to stay with my mom and my family, I love my family and my grandma and my older brother..I’m so sick of feeling this feeling, I’m tired of arguing with my brain, I want to be with my mom and spend time with her like I used to, but I can’t stand that thought of hurting them it makes me shake and I feel this pain in my chest, my OCD has been trying to convince me all those crime docs and stuff I’m into turned me this way but that’s impossible since I’ve never thought like this before I’m just tired that’s all Idek know what I’m looking for saying this..prolly just to vent or to know if this will ever go away..

Dude01

Date posted: 20w

It's about the Themes, you can't convince me otherwise

"The themes don't matter, it's the OCD that's the real culprit!" I don't buy that. How's that? I didn't have this crap until the real event themes came along. I wasn't born with OCD, I didn't have it from a young age, etc. This was learned, this was real event theme triggered, this was a bad habit that kept on on going and never died, the frequency just picked up and now it's a daily hell. This wasn't happening before the actual themes. Which makes sense. It's a result of being "stuck" in a cycle of guilt, shame, and constant cognitive challenges to "deal" with past deeds. I've very skeptical of any future solution. The fact that there doesn't seem to be any permanent solution for real event OCD is defeating and depressing. I don't know how people "beat OCD" without some level of delusion mindset or baked out of their mind in medication. Doesn't seem to be a holistic or real solution to this. Just more of the same hellish routines. I'm just very pessimistic, it's been years. Where is the hope. Sick of being stuck like this.

Real Events OCD

f7nn

Date posted: 18w

My current predicament

Struggling with TOCD has probably been the hardest theme I’ve had to deal with so far For reference. I’m a gay male 20yr old Before this theme I was so open with my gender expression, love drag and used to do it for a time. A lot of my friends are trans women and my whole life is queer When this theme hit. It’s like I completely lost who I was. Questioning everything I enjoyed, not participating in anything because it triggered me so heavily. I went through a whole gender journey awhile back and the trans path never spoke to me when I looked into it. I love my physique and my face but now when I look into the mirror i feel like a shell of who I was. I can’t find any sort of pure enjoyment without the accompanying “what if” or “you’re this” intrusive thought I still enjoy how I look. I’ve not looked in the mirror and felt like anything is missing from me or needs to be taken away I just feel like a spectator in my life while this disease tells me I’m not who I know myself to be I affirm myself every day I know who I am and it may change in the future but that’s not important. It’s highly unlikely it will but it may! Giving into the uncertainty has been so hard but it’s worth it! My ocd has really picked up since getting into my first serious relationship I care about my boyfriend with my whole heart but over the course of our relationship my themes have included Health Relationship Irreality Harm I just want to be who I was again before this current theme it feels unbearable to live like this BUT! I’m seeking appropriate treatment and not giving into a majority of compulsions I just wanted to write this to see if anyone can relate and if they do. Know that you will overcome this! I know I will and you will too

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