Just need to vent

@justgottaknow Thank you! I feel like a major bad guy right now because it’s stinkin botox you know. I’ve tried to just be like hey I like this, can I just have this one thing. I’m literally sleeping on the couch!! I have no idea how it got to this. Everything was fine and then boom.

@justgottaknow I agree too and I’m someone who doesn’t believe in Botox - but that’s your choice - NOT his. Marriage is about compromise and compassion from both parties - it’s not about always submitting.

@justgottaknow PS I absolutely just love your username. My sister and I have played around about me making a YouTube channel,”hi guys, welcome to my channel, I’m Kaycee and I NEED TO KNOW.” Had to be there 😂

@Erin P Hi Erin! Thank you. It gets messy when our faith values get involved because I start to feel really guilty.

@K-M Lol yes!! Thats definitely what my ocd feels like - a constant NEED to know. But seriously, I’m 28 and have been getting Botox since I was 23. My boyfriend at the time (now fiancé) was not happy with me the first time I got it, but we talked about it and how it made me feel. For me it was my forehead - I couldn’t look in the mirror without staring at the lines on my forehead and hating what I saw. The Botox took that away completely. It was like I didnt have to fixate on something I hated about myself anymore and could just take it off my plate. I explained this to him and gave him lots of examples of other girl we know who get it (it’s a LOT) and he came around. He knows that it’s for me and not an act of vanity or something. On the other hand, it really doesn’t sound like he is being kind to you. How long have you been together/married? Has he done anything like this before?

@K-M I hear you. But most faiths include compassion towards your spouse and your husband isn’t showing his faith in how it sounds like he is treating you. If a friend in your church were on your position would you think she was a bad wife? Probably not, but OCD makes us so hard on ourselves.

@justgottaknow I wish it was like that for me!! He’s usually great, takes good care of me, he’d do anything for me and I know it. So that gets brought up here, like how can I be so selfish and not sacrifice this one thing, knowing he doesn’t support it. So I feel pretty guilty right now.

@justgottaknow And yes, he’s done it before. Our fights are awful. Super bad. I’m not perfect and I’ve made mistakes. We’ve had many good times, but when it’s not good and really really bad.

@Erin P I would be a lot kinder to someone else who was in my position, and I’m not saying that to be self serving.

@K-M Try to be as kind to yourself as you would be to another person. If you would not think someone else in your position should feel guilty then consider that as a guide for yourself. ❤️

@Anonymous I really don’t mind doing any of those things. I’m happy to do it. He works full time and I work part time, so I don’t mind. He doesn’t expect it of me, but I’d feel insecure about myself if I didn’t since I work part time. A lot of people have told me it sounds abusive, and I agree to an extent. It’s only in times like this really, other times he really does try his best. So I’m not really sure here. He says he wants to split the finances completely down the middle now. Got a notepad and started writing numbers down. Saying okay now you’re paying this, I’ll pay this. Etc.

@K-M Not fair to split down the middle when you make less unless he pays you for the homemaker things you do. Just my thoughts.

@K-M I agree with Erin. I also agree that this sounds borderline abusive, or at the bare minimum it’s manipulative and cruel. A person shows you who they really are in tough situations and it sounds like he’s showing his true colors.

@justgottaknow I feel sick!! He said we shouldn’t have married so I asked what we’re gonna do and he just said we’re stuck. Thank you both girls for being here for me

@K-M - I don't agree with anything that he does. That's just my opinion. I just think you deserve better!

@Anonymous Thank you girlie. Idk what to do. I’m scared to pull the plug. It’ll just change everything

@K-M - Is there a therapist you can go to privately? Just to get their opinion and create an exit plan if you need one?

@Anonymous I have a NOCD therapist but I’m not sure if that would be her speciality 🤔

@Anonymous Well he’s talking about divorce now

@K-M You said you felt relief when separation is discussed. No that he is mentioning divorce, see if he will go to couples counseling with you (not NOCD as this should be talk therapy). It could help you both decide what you want and be a way to resolve issues if you both want to keep trying. Be kind to yourself - don’t take all the blame - marriage takes two partners. Sending you strength and compassion.

@Erin P Thank you Erin. He told me right now he wants a divorce and he seems serious. He is going to look into it.

@K-M Sorry to hear that. Even with problems in a relationship a break up is hard. I think most people would suggest a lawyer at this point so it can be a fair divorce. ❤️

@Erin P Thank you Erin. You’re so sweet. I just really appreciate you talking with me in my posts.

@K-M You’re welcome. 🍀

@K-M - You need to see a relationship therapist, especially someone who specializes in divorce since that seems it's what he wants. Even if he changes his mind, you shouldn't stay someone who would even consider that!

@K-M Sending you strength and clarity! Girl if he is pushed to his breaking point by botox (!!?!) then he won’t be able to handle the REAL hard stuff like kids, money trouble, death, and the things that come up in life. As awful as I’m sure this feels now, it sounds like you’ll be dodging a bullet by getting out sooner than later. You deserve sooooo much better!!

@Anonymous Thank you. We talked about it when we both got home from work. He seems to be pretty serious, told me he already set it up to have papers delivered, but then a little while after he said he can’t divorce because he can’t do it to God, and we should just forget it all ever happened and basically act like roommates ?

@justgottaknow Thank you girlie. He is actually kinda saying the same thing about me but in the sense if I go against him with the Botox, I will go against him with much worse things. The kids thing is also a huge issue for us and I’ve posted about it on here. He wants them, I don’t, it was agreed before marriage and understood, but after marriage he has said some pretty awful things about my choice. Questioning my decision is actually what my OCD subtype revolves around. Anyway, not barking up that tree!! Lol. But a lot of emotional damage has been done from that issue. My OCD has latched onto it for over a year.

@K-M I am just so sorry you’re going through this. I know my OCD would be a mess too. God doesn’t want you to be miserable. Don’t be roommates. It’s an easy out for him - he gets to be “right” in the eyes of others and gets to make you feel like the bad guy. He needs therapy, but I agree with the others that a lawyer and a couples therapist (with the goal of amicable separation) is a good idea. 🤍

@justgottaknow He said he was sorry this morning. He said it hurts because he gave up having kids cause he wanted to be with me, but when it comes to me giving up something like this I don’t want to do it. I feel really guilty? I literally do it once a year. And like some other comments said, in scripture it says a wife is to submit and respect her husband. So if I do it anyway I’m basically failing at that. I just feel really bad? I haven’t even done it since November and idk when I’ll do it again, I just know that I like getting it done when I do.

@K-M Is he going to hold that over you for the rest of your lives together? That sounds like a form of control. In my opinion, that decision was his and has no place in this conversation. He just is holding it over your head.

@justgottaknow I really don’t know, that’s one of my OCD fears honestly. I have a lot of insecurity about my decision. I feel guilty for still wanting to continue Botox and feeling like I can’t since he will be so angry.