Can you answer this?

My boyfriend and I are together for 5 months now. He has a lot of girl friends. In his group of friends but outside of it as well. I do know some of them because I’ve been to his friend group before. Now does he chat with some girls, I looked them up and there girls from school a couple of years ago, he’s working now. When I ask him about it he tells me the story and stuff and says I can ask him anything. But I have this feeling when he’s on his phone around me and is texting he doesn’t show me. He isn’t on his phone much when he’s around me, from the beginning he’s not. He’s really sweet for me and a lot of girl friends like him and are good friends with him. He’s introvert and doesn’t speak as much. When we first got together he also texted with a lot of girls, he said those were friends. What can I think about it? It makes me worry sometimes, my ex boyfriend cheated that’s why. (He does know that).

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

If he has already reassured you that everything is fine then further reassurance seeking sounds like compulsions. I think at this point you have to make the decision to trust is answer (or not trust it). Men can of course have platonic female friends. You have to decide if you truly believe any innapropriate things are happening between them. Ruminating over it will only grow the fear and distrust.

Username: FactsOverFearFactsOverFear

Date posted: 1y ago

I know this is going to be difficult to hear, but you have to accept the uncertainty of not knowing whether he's cheating or not. ERP therapy tells you not to seek reassurance. Reassurance only makes the thoughts stronger. And there will come a time where your OCD won't let you believe him. Unless you have hardcore evidence, you have no reason to worry. To be honest, no matter how much you worry or ask him or get upset, you can't stop him from the choices he makes. Once I learned that in my relationship, I felt so much freer.

Username: Anonymously2 Anonymously2

Date posted: 1y ago

@Anonymous Thankyou, I know. I can’t do anything about it. And I know if it happens I will get through it but it feels like I just want to know it before it happens so if it does it doesn’t hurt that bad. Because my last ex cheated I feel like I have to know everything and stuff so I can ‘prevent’ it so my pain won’t be so worse again. My boyfriend now is sooo different and does a lot more for me and really makes me feel loved but I still want to check everything and overthink every single thing. Does it makes sense?

Username: iwillthriveiwillthrive

Date posted: 1y ago

This doesn’t necessarily sound like ocd to me, more of a normal worry as long as you’re not doing compulsions. I would talk to him about it

Username: Anonymously2 Anonymously2

Date posted: 1y ago

@rachelss Yes that’s true, I have anxiety. But I need constant confirmation that it’s good from him and that he loves me

Username: annaaa

Date posted: 5y ago

I dont know if this is considered ROCD, but Im always checking up on what my boyfriend is doing on social media and put thoughts into my head that he’s cheating on me... I’ve caught him sending messages to another girl, and it broke my heart. I was so close to breaking up with him but decided to give it another try and my trust in him is growing back. We have been really really good lately but I always am engaging in compulsions to check Instagram and every platform of social media. It is especially worse when I text him, and he doesn’t answer and I see him active on another platform... it triggers me to think he’s messaging another girl and my thoughts start spiralling. I do not try to engage in the compulsion to always check my phone but somehow I always do. It’s consuming my professional life and distracting me from work!! Any advice?

Username: dandelion2002

Date posted: 2y ago

As someone with rocd is it normal to feel uncomfortable with your boyfriend talking to his ex/someone he had sex with? My boyfriend is extremely understanding and loyal but it still makes me uncomfortable that some of his best friends are people he had sex with. I'm not trying to seek reassurance I just genuinely don't know if this is my rocd talking or not you know??

Relationship OCD

Username: lenxiety

Date posted: 2y ago

Hey everyone :( it’s been while since I posted but I’m having hard time with my relationship cause of my ROCD. I keep worry about small details like the fact my bf recently changed his voice note messaging to expiring after two mins. I know his best friend talks to him 24/7 and he is always sending my bf voice notes (sometime his friend talks about illegal things) but is this something I should worry about? I feel like over analyzing his behaviours to see if he is hiding something from me or being disloyal. My heart knows it’s not in his character but I’m still worried :( any advice would be great. (Also have PTSD from being cheated on in past relationship)

Relationship OCD

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