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So sorry you are both having so much pain from your past and OCD. I was in a residential program for OCD. In addition to ERP for the OCD they also provided CBT/DBT/talk therapy for dealing with challenging life stuff. So there are programs out there to help. Mine was Rogers Behavioral but there are others too.

I was crying this morning and I said the same thing I don't want to be here I'm sorry I'm sharing this but I understand and your not alone I've let my mind think of what I am to the world and what I've given to those who need me and the PTSD that I've caused and others in my past have caused will I be okay have I gone into the hospital to get help yes and if your in need of help it's okay to ask for it I want you to know your not alone I'm not going to go to that place I don't want to I know I'm mad at myself for letting this fucking OCD consume me and everytime I say never again and then it sucks me in like quicksand well my plan is to get help I'm looking for a therapist and I'm not sure on drugs I know Zoloft and Prozac are good ones to try I can't do Prozac and I just tried Cymbalta and I can't take it I have autoimmune diseases and it didn't help all it did was make things worse so I'm going to try something else I guess I'm just not doing well.. I think finding someone to help you even going to a Church they have therapist at some of them as well this might be a start if you have no where to turn or try Catholic Charities they too can find you help as well as the Village you live in please don't give up and if you need to go into the hospital that's okay they will help you they find you all the things you need a therapist a psychiatrist and group therapy and medications as well.. Your in my thoughts and I believe in you I hope you believe in me too..🌈