i just feel like i can’t do it. i don’t know how to simply observe the thoughts. or engage with them through ERP. i feel relieved then anxious day in day out and i know this is something that i need to stop. but without affordable therapy it’s super hard. my compulsions are often covert too (rumination, unpacking the past, figuring out ‘why’, reassuring myself in my head) so it’s hard to cut them out.
Be kind to yourself. You may understand OCD, understand what you're 'supposed' to do/not do, but OCD doesn't respond to logic. It is hard. Really hard. I don't say this to demoralise you but to validate your experience. It's a long journey. We are all so strong for facing it.
"rumination, unpacking the past, figuring out ‘why’, reassuring myself in my head" that could be me describing myself too. I'm finally realising that when I spend time 'thinking about my theme one last time and this time I will figure it out' - it never works and drags me further down. One thing that started to help me and then got me to find this site was reading Michael Greenberg's articles about rumination
@JustShe that’s very true. no matter how much i think about my worries, i never gain more clarity. just more distress. i’ll look into the articles, thanks
@JustShe wow i just read one of his articles and it was so helpful. thanks for recommending
my god, yes! i have a lot of difficulty with just having doubts and not discovering the reasons. 👺 i keep letting my head think about a long story just because of an intrusive thought that i had, and it's not that i don't know what i should do to stop, i've read several tips and i heard professionals talking about ocd...but at the time of practice it just seems like i can't do it, i get very anxious!! 😿
See if either of these ERP methods work better for you - for me the acceptance of the I certainty / risk in the first link helps. The second link is helpful for me for things that are not as high on my hierarchy. https://www.shalanicely.com/aha-moments/erp-scripting-for-ocd/ https://www.shalanicely.com/aha-moments/shoulders-back-the-man-in-the-park/
@Erin P thanks!
@garden 😀
It’s odd to say, but you have to be willing to play the game! Try not to take the shifts so intensely observe and accept. It’s NOT easy but very doable!!
@Anonymous but how 😭
I am right here with you.
I missed out his initial J! Glad you found him. It just kind of makes sense. There are a few youtube videos too. That plus this site is really helping.
It's too much for me right now, and I'm really struggling. Like really bad. Right now, um going to just focus on letting thoughts go, like... IDK MINI ERP? I'm going to try not to analyze them. It's too much for me, trying to figure out what's a compulsion, what's ocd, what's not... I've gotten worse, I is thinking. I don't know if I'm doing it wrong or something, and I have a therapist on NOCD and stuff, but it's just not working. Not now, at least
So I’m starting therapy this week but I’ve been trying to use ERP myself, my main compulsion is rumination which I wasn’t even aware was a compulsion. I’m trying to do ERP but when I focus on observing the thought it goes, I dunno if I’m focusing too much on actually how to follow ERP or is this normal? I feel like I might be subconsciously blocking thoughts because I know how bad it is when I go down the rabbit hole, but then I also worry that the anxiety goes too quickly and that I’m finding it too easy to ignore the thought?
Have any of you been stuck in what feels like an OCD loop? It’s like being held hostage by OCD. It’s like everything becomes a trigger. Like there isn’t a part of the day where I’m not having intrusive thoughts because it’s the only thing my brain can think about. So every conversation I’m thinking of horrible things I could say, every time I pet my dog think of things I could do to hurt her, anytime I drive I think of hitting pedestrians, every time I’m alone I think of ways I could hurt myself. It honestly feels like my brains on fire I’m starting to think I might have some kind of destructive brain tumour because I can’t comprehend how this can all be mental illness. It’s the ‘urge’ I can’t deal with it feels so real. I’ve had mental illness and likely OCD my whole life but nothing has ever made me feel as scared and hopeless as this. I’ve been having horrible migraine attacks daily for months and I think the trigger is the stress and anxiety these thoughts cause. I feel like I can never rest. It’s like my head is caught in a vice and my eye sight is constant flashes and static. Blood tests normal and two eye tests back normal. I can barely work as my whole job is computer based. I don’t even know how I would begin to do ERP because it feels like I’d have to tackle EVERYTHING about being alive! I also don’t think I have any compulsions. If I do none of them provide any relief so it’s basically just me feeling like I’m going insane every single day since October. It’s impossible to relax when my brain thinks we’re either going to die of a brain tumour or going insane and hurting myself against my will or doing something to someone else that would mean I would have to kill myself. My brain honestly believes it’s inevitable I won’t be along for much longer and it’s petrifying. I don’t know how to get better until I can reset my body to get out of this cycle. How am I supposed to move forward when my brain and body is in constant fight and flight? Does anybody relate? My brain doesn’t even believe this is OCD anymore… I guess this is reassurance but I’m having such a terrible time.
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