What if its not ocd?

I used to.ask myself this question alot. I learned this is a very trick question and it shows that you have ocd. Now i dont try to take this to another level but what to do when you got told by normal people that its ocd,but a therapist said something else? I really feel like sometimes i blame my therapist cause i suffer alot dont knowing whats the answer. I been told by people this is ocd, im overthinking, the thoughts arent me, and i like this, but i went to a therapist and i wanted an answers to the why's, why do i react like this. And i got difference answers, that i have victim mentality, my harm thoughts are from supressed anger, when i have suicidal ocd, its starts real cause im victimizing myself when i have a problem and i learned this by a trauma, and the ocd is what actually saves me to not do these things, me getting scared and denying its true its ocd. So when i have a harm thought or suicidal thought, i used to treat it like ocd, not gonna lie it helped a little to know why do i react to things like this but then it got worse when she told me about victimhood,traumas and all of that sh*t, and now i cant decide what is it. Im sad for days now cause i had a bad reaction to a situation and i cant decide what is the problem. You treat the 2 differently, if you have ocd, you dont give attention to it, but if you have a bad learned reaction, or you trying to be a victim and thats why you have harm thought or suicidal thoughts, you just ignoring it, it wont do much... and im trying to get answer about what my emotions are trying to say to me,what are the messages, i keep feeling angry and frustrated and sad for 3 days now and i dont know the reason, sometimes i get the basic "trauma" reasons, which i think i just adapted from reading many stories and feeling like i have the same problem too,then i made it a problem... So i cant decide if its ocd or "trauma, and victimization" and i get lost trying to see it cause as i said you dont treat the 2 the same... So because i overthink it, i decide its ocd,but i say it tk everything, to every reaction,to the memories, to the "solutions" my mind comes up with and not trying to see as being a victim, but i feel like im denying cause all of this cant be ocd, i read others ocd and i feel like i denying my problems and blame it on ocd, and the therapist streghtened this thought by saying denial is part of my ocd cause i want to be safe and dont think these thoughts are true... Sorry its so long, but i feel tired now, i dont know how to react to these things, and i think therapy helped for a short term relief but longer i just overthinked more. The worst part is that i been told by people when i felt soo bad that i do victimize myself so then it made me obsess more "what if the harm thoughts are real"

Sydnxyr

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

i have this same thought process too!!!😭 i always doubt my OCD everyday and feel like a bad person because i felt like i was victimizing myself. Thank you so much for sharing. I’m sorry your going through this.

bluemuck

Date posted: 2y

I worry that I might be a phycopath bc I have scary intrusive thoughts and then when I get intrusive thoughts doubting my OCD I start getting all worried and agitated and Its so scary

[Deleted]

Date posted: 2y

Comment deleted by user

PRIV8

Date posted: 2y

I dont know, the doctor i went to at first who diagnosed me with ocd sended me to this therapist so i just guess she knows about ocd... but how do you know if someone is a specialist?

PRIV8

Date posted: 2y

And also she still thinks i have ocd, is just how she view it, she says my harm ocd is supressed anger(and i started to see it like that and now i believe it thats the problem) and my suicidal ocd is me being a victim to problems(and i kinda see this too) and ocd is me denying this and being afraid im actually want to do it... So she know i have ocd is just how she views it, she tells it like these thoughts are learned reaction and its part of my personality

PRIV8

Date posted: 2y

@ocd.is.a.bitch111 I got into this cause i felt better, but then i got a feeling that i couldnt decide what it was and it made me fall down again. I dont know what was the reaction but it just made me feeling like i dont want to do the things i used to, and i started to analyze what is it,and then i was scared its anhedonia, im depressed, got some other answers that made me overthink and lost more, but this feeling is so annoying and always comes back when i feel good. It just makes me not enjoy things then rumminate why i dont enjoy it, then i come up things like "maybe i did it so people will like me cause i need affirmations" and then i feel bad about myself and i cant do that thing again cause then i just told myself that i do that so others will like me,or something else i come up with... i dont know what is the base emortion and why i get it

PRIV8

Date posted: 2y

@ocd.is.a.bitch111 I tried that with hocd and she told me that i need to accept that those feelings are there, and now i remember she told me ocd develops as you supress emotions. So she tried to convince me im actually like men... i was depressed for days

PRIV8

Date posted: 2y

@PRIV8 So yeah now we got the answer about if she really a specialist😅

summerloveru...

Date posted: 18w

So...

I few years ago, I did self-harm a few times, and then I got super into spirituality, and about a year ago, I remembered I did self-harm and ever since haven't been able to shake the guilt off... Constantly, every day, my mind would make me feel guilty about it and think about it all day. It's like my brain knew the thought that I could/ have cut myself scared me, so it kept bringing it up. My family had no idea I had ever done this, so my OCD told me I was a liar for not telling them about every day. I was afraid that they wouldn't love me anymore and send me to a mental hospital if I told them. About 2-3 months ago, I had gotten so fed up with having these thoughts every day and confessed to my mom what I had done, and her reaction was great. And I thought I'd never have thoughts about when I did self-harm again because I finally confessed. I was wrong. Even with people telling me that it's okay, I did that, I can't shake the guilt I had around this event, and even more so the fear/guilt around my own thoughts... My therapist and I talk about how the problem isn't the thoughts but what the OCD does to them. I try to create positive neural pathways, but that just makes me more stressed about it. There are things I'm supposed to tell myself when I feel negative, but I think I get that confused and tell myself those things every time I have thoughts about what I did. Which is feeding into a mental compulsion (replacing every "bad" thought with a "good" one. What works for me is (if I can) do nothing and have the thoughts... It's been hard to get better because I have had no idea what's been happening to me and felt like for the last year I was going crazy... I always thought OCD was cleaning stuff and physical compulsions . Everything that happened to me happened in my head. On the worst days when my OCD is really bad, every single time I was conscious and aware, I was thinking about the fact that I did self-harm. I would lie in bed all day trying to figure out my thoughts because I thought if I watched TV, I would be avoiding important things. I thought I had to figure out all my thoughts. I would ruminate, replay, and second-guess all. day. long. It was hard to recognize it was OCD because I thought I had done something seriously bad and wrong, and that I must deserve these thoughts. I think the trick is that you feel like you must have positive thoughts, and the most distressing thing wasn't necessarily the fact that I did self-harm, but the fact that I couldn't stop thinking about it. I find the best thing you can do is just have all your thoughts in your head and try not to separate them from good and bad, if you can. It's nice to have people who understand!!!! More to come, about the journey. My favorite thing to say when I'm stuck is "that sly devil... OCD. Silly OCD is getting to me right now, but it won't last forever. That sneaky guy tricked me again" Love you!!!

summerloveru...

Date posted: 18w

my story

So... I few years ago, I did self-harm a few times, and then I got super into spirituality, and about a year ago, I remembered I did self-harm and ever since haven't been able to shake the guilt off... Constantly, every day, my mind would make me feel guilty about it and think about it all day. It's like my brain knew the thought that I could/ have cut myself scared me, so it kept bringing it up. My family had no idea I had ever done this, so my OCD told me I was a liar for not telling them about every day. I was afraid that they wouldn't love me anymore and send me to a mental hospital if I told them. About 2-3 months ago, I had gotten so fed up with having these thoughts every day and confessed to my mom what I had done, and her reaction was great. And I thought I'd never have thoughts about when I did self-harm again because I finally confessed. I was wrong. Even with people telling me that it's okay, I did that, I can't shake the guilt I had around this event, and even more so the fear/guilt around my own thoughts... My therapist and I talk about how the problem isn't the thoughts but what the OCD does to them. I try to create positive neural pathways, but that just makes me more stressed about it. There are things I'm supposed to tell myself when I feel negative, but I think I get that confused and tell myself those things every time I have thoughts about what I did. Which is feeding into a mental compulsion (replacing every "bad" thought with a "good" one. What works for me is (if I can) do nothing and have the thoughts... It's been hard to get better because I have had no idea what's been happening to me and felt like for the last year I was going crazy... I always thought OCD was cleaning stuff and physical compulsions . Everything that happened to me happened in my head. On the worst days when my OCD is really bad, every single time I was conscious and aware, I was thinking about the fact that I did self-harm. I would lie in bed all day trying to figure out my thoughts because I thought if I watched TV, I would be avoiding important things. I thought I had to figure out all my thoughts. I would ruminate, replay, and second-guess all. day. long. It was hard to do any of the things I loved; OCD took the joy out of it. It was hard to recognize it was OCD because I thought I had done something seriously bad and wrong, and that I must deserve these thoughts. I think the trick is that you feel like you must have positive thoughts, and the most distressing thing wasn't necessarily the fact that I did self-harm, but the fact that I couldn't stop thinking about it. I find the best thing you can do is just have all your thoughts in your head and try not to separate them from good and bad, if you can. It's nice to have people who understand!!!! More to come, about the journey. My favorite thing to say when I'm stuck is "that sly devil... OCD. Silly OCD is getting to me right now, but it won't last forever. That sneaky guy tricked me again." Love you!!!

reallyReally...

Date posted: 10w

i cannot stop trying to heal actual trauma

i am new to thinking about OCD - keep that in mind when reading. for a very long time without realizing it i obsessed over what mental health issues i had even though i wanted to stop and i never came across OCD. i think i eventually came to a subconscious decision to stop thinking about mental health issues after a very long time but it came back in an abusive relationship where i am pretty sure they have OCD even more severe than me. i think they misdiagnosed themselves with BPD and they are just very traumatized and have OCD about rejection and many other things but it could be both. they convinced me that i had BPD and i still do not know about that and i want to stop caring about that because my obvious OCD and PTSD are bigger problems. they intentionally hurt me a few times - this was because they convinced themselves that they had DID and everything they did was just another person doing that and i tried to help them resolve their mental health issues. this eventually worked as they now recognize that they did not have did and they are genuinely sorry and genuinely understand how damaging it was for them to hurt me and them have them be the only person that comforts me. it is extremely difficult to get comfort from other people except them and i am obsessed with trying to process emotions from repeated damage they have caused me over a 8 month lifespan. i was trying to say "its okay" to myself or tell myself that they truly didnt mean it afterwards and im attempting to stop that. the thoughts keep popping up. i was taking a long break where i only communicated to them through a mediator (my partner is now being very respectful) and i felt like i was truly healing but a few days ago i thought about if i have ocd or not and it made me realize that i was entirely dependent on them for comfort and i miss that love feeling i want nothing except that love feeling back without the abuse. this made me spiral horribly and i begged the mediator to let me talk to them and then i started talking to them for a few days, regardless of how understanding and kind they were they still made me feel like i need to puke because of how bad i felt for them and how much pain is associated with them. i started actually dissociating a few days ago which they did a lot. things feel blurry just like how they described. i think i needed to do it in order to talk to them for an extended period. i ended up helping them by telling them about ocd even though im tired of helping them through everything and having them rely on me i just wanted to give them the tools to feel good but it made me feel terrible because i always used to help them and then feel bad and it made me throw up after i wanted to take a break. i was healing and talking to them set me back really far - i learned a lot about how they feel about this and i learned a lot about why i do this in the first place but it hurts so much and i cant let myself talk to them again. i keep trying to process my ptsd when the memories come back and constant dissociation is making it harder i hope that ends soon. im worrying that im suppressing my emotions all of the time because they thought that was why they originally thought i was feeling bad and not the trauma. i am trying to seek a psychiatrist and therapy soon but i am reliant on my mom for that and i dont know what to do or if shes going to do something thats good for me. im excited to see the psychiatrist though. im 17. i am at the point now where i just want to stop having the highs and the lows and just be neutral all the time but its so hard to break out of these patterns. its really hard to sleep enough. genuinely any advice for any information i have provided would be appreciated no matter how small

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

What if its not ocd?

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community