This isnt about ocd but i want to ask this

Is it necessary to move away from your home if you still deal with verbal abuse? I hear this everywhere to move away, avoid your "abuser" but what if i dont want to move away? I like our house, i have friends here, this is where i grow up, i like my room, i dont want to leave here everything just because of one person. I like my mother, i like my brother, sometimes i like my father too but i feel anger towards him and i feel afraid when i have to talk back to him cause of the verbal abuses he did to us. But i dont want to move away, i want to be strong and not be dependent on him. I want to learn just to not care what he says, one day when i will have a family i will move but for now no. Did someone here learned to become stronger while they were still living with a negative person?

Username: RileyB17RileyB17

Date posted: 1y ago

Hi! I think if you don't want to move, you don't have to. There's a lot of conversations around what people should do in an abusive situation and while I think a lot of the things being said online are generally well-intended and do help victims of abuse, it's not one size fits all. Nothing in life really is. Sometimes just emotionally distancing yourself is more beneficial to literally moving away in a physical sense, especially if you don't want to do that at this time. Learning to not care about what he is saying is a great way to do that. At the end of the day, you likely know your situation and self better than anyone--especially people on the internet and you can adjust the "shoulds" to suggestions for your personal experience. Hope that's helpful...sorry it's a bit of an over explanation.

Username: PRIV8PRIV8

Date posted: 1y ago

I still can heal while im here? I heared that its harder to be better when youre at risk everyday of abuse. And also i know its very common that people say you need to realize you are a victim, thats not helping me, is that necesary too? It just puts more weight on the problem, like you cant do anything about it and thats not true

Username: RileyB17RileyB17

Date posted: 1y ago

@PRIV8 - I'll be honest, I probably don't have an answer to your questions. I'm not a mental health professional who works with victims of abuse and I likely share the same thoughts about acknowledging that you're a victim of abuse as you do. It can be helpful to some, but may feel like it intensifies things for others and makes it harder to heal. If you need more guidance on this, I'd recommend looking into the abuse network or other reputable sources of support. Hope you're ok.

Username: yun444gyun444g

Date posted: 1y ago

Yikes, this sounds really rough. :/ Sorry to hear this. I can relate on some level but not to the point of being abused. Basically since I’ve moved back in w my parents after college, I noticed that my dad has actually pretty severe anger issues that I sorta ignored for years and so after getting really fed up with it, I sat him down one night and told him how I didn’t like how he acted out his anger in hurtful ways. We’ve have several talks about it since then, so basically now we’re at a good level and I feel closer with him now than really ever before. So I think it just depends on the person. OCD and relationships can be extremely tricky, obviously… so I would say try to talk to him patiently and with an open mind about trying to change. You obviously can’t cure him by yourself though so I would give it time. Only you can ultimately be the judge of whether or not you need to move out.

Username: PRIV8PRIV8

Date posted: 1y ago

I just heared about the word "abused" and every therapy i went to i heared the word "trauma". I didnt liked it cause everything is trauma now, but i heared this is invalidating your feelings(which still feels stupid) but i suffered enough so i accepted that maybe they're right. Till this day my father talk shit about us, its anger issues for him too, whenever we cant do something right he talks shit about us. Not everytime cause there where situation when they were on our side. Im afraid to sit with him and talk about this cause he wouldnt listen and i would just get hurt more...

Username: yun444gyun444g

Date posted: 1y ago

@PRIV8 Yeah that is tough. Like I said, you’re the one at the end of the day who gets to decide where you go (or don’t go). It sounds like you’re coming at this from several angles, which can be good, but can also lead to severe overthinking which is typical of people with OCD. It also sounds like you’re fixated on what the “right” thing to do is which is another symptom of OCD. Remember whatever happens, it’s your decision and situations like these don’t necessarily warrant a 100% right or wrong answer.

Username: PRIV8PRIV8

Date posted: 1y ago

@yun444g Yeah i got that, and i would be happy if all of this would be ocd and it wasnt that bad abuse, i dont say it didnt happened, but i didnt made as much damage as i make it or feel it... i would be happy if all of this would be just ocd,.but it doesnt feel like that, and i feel bad cause people say what i do is "invalidating" my experience and trauma... the bad thing is that i can cry for reassurance, but those who could give will not give so i have to listen this "validate your trauma, feel how you feel, youre a victim"(if someone reading this is actually a victim of trauma, im not talking about you)

Username: heatherjayheatherjay

Date posted: 1y ago

@PRIV8 I'm not the same :) I'm 35 now and always trying to be better, thats why I'm here (perfectionism OCD). By leaving I gave myself the chance to learn a new way of existing.

Username: heatherjayheatherjay

Date posted: 1y ago

I will speak from my own experience.. I didn't know how bad it was until I was away from it. That verbal abuse then became my own voice. And I struggle with whether I'm a bad person so its easy to feel like I deserved it. I left as soon as I could. There is no definitive answer to the "what if"

Username: PRIV8PRIV8

Date posted: 1y ago

Are you better?

Username: c444tmommy

Date posted: 4y ago

tw // abuse i don’t exactly know if this is related to ocd, it might be but anyway if you’re a victim of emotional abuse, do u ever find ur self making up excuses like “it’s not even that bad, it was a long time ago it doesn’t matter, people have it worse than i do, am i even being emotionally abused”? im dealing with narcissist abuse from my mother and i have been for most of my life and my mind keeps telling me that i’m making all of it up and it’s not as bad as it seems. it even feels wrong calling it abuse. i told my therapist this and she reassured me that this IS abuse and that self doubt and confusion is common but idk why i cant allow my self to accept it. i plan on moving out bc of this reason, but again my mind will tell me “u don’t have a strong enough reason to move out, ur being so dramatic” ugh this is the worst feeling

Username: Magzzz

Date posted: 2y ago

I don’t know what to do

I really need help. This isn’t ocd related but I don’t know what to do and I have no one to go to. I think my mom is verbally abusive and I don’t know if I’m overthinking because I’m told all the time I overthink things but I can’t calm down. My mom has treated me horrible my whole life she doesn’t pay attention when I tell her things I’m excited about, she dismisses my feelings or when I’m upset and makes me feel like I’m a problem or that I don’t matter and that her problems are always worse than mine. She has threatened to hit me many times throughout my life but never has except for once when I was little I had a horrible headache and was crying from the pain in my room and we had company and she came in and hit me and told me to shut up that I’m worrying the company. She’s called me so many horrible names and just did today. We were playing cards and listening to music with my grandma and when I made a music suggestion she had a strong opinion about a singer that she has also listened to and when I got irritated about it she stopped playing and said I was a “little bitc*” said “another holiday ruined” and made a comment about my friends at work and that I treat them some way is why I lost them or whatever and she’s always called me much worse. I don’t know what to do. I’m scared and I want to escape so badly but I can’t I have no where to go. I’m 23 and live with my mom and grandma. I can’t afford to move out and if I did I would have to live in my car. I’m so scared and upset. I hate myself. I wish I could just give up and I’m scared if I do that than it’s going to get much worse for me but at this point I don’t care. I have no one who loves me or cares about me and I definitely don’t have my mom because if it were any one else she would be so kind to them and treat them so nice if they were going through a hard time because I’ve heard her do that for many people but in real life when no one is listening and I tell her what is going on and why I’m upset she yells and screams at me saying I’m a ungrateful bitc* and that there’s nothing I could possibly be stressed about and many other things. I can’t do this anymore. I wish I could be free

Username: Anymous

Date posted: 1y ago

How to deal with my thoughts?

Okay so everything is literally a trigger for me due to my family members due to my covers and due to my own clothes and also animals Espically my dogs.Okay so I’m in high school still young these thoughts started happening around this year and has became worst to the point I had to go to a mental institution this summer around June I struggle from sexual ocd where my mind literally sexual everything and I do mean everything I can’t look at my animals because I’m afraid I would want to look at their butts or other areas so I just don’t look at them or my sister we sleep in the same room together I have a bed and she has one I use to like to toss and turn to get comfortable so I would flip sides over again until I fall asleep but now I can’t do that because I use to have a thought of looking at her butt so now I just lay on my side facing the wall I’ve been doing this for the whole summer because she goes back to college in August I also hide my family faces from my preview when we’re all in the living room watching something so I don’t see their private parts what made me go to the mental institution this summer was me having the thought of looking at my sisters underwear drawer I tried to bear the thought by again covering the drawer with my cover from my preview or just looking at my phone all day or making myself go to sleep but o end up just telling her to remove it from our room after a couple days later I couldn’t look at my family faces which made me go to the mental institution because I was afraid I was never gonna be able to look at their faces again the mental institution did not help because I was surrounded by kids I also suffer from pocd so I was triggered a lot I would also not look at their faces or even speak to them only if they spoke to me I was there for five days so when I came back home I got a little better but now I’m back to spiraling and I feel like I’m finna go insane again also when I came back home I literally learned all my siblings who were girls was molested expect my oldest one including me and the sister who I’m scared to look at butt who I sleep with was molested by my father and my other sister was molested by my cousin I as well was molested by my cousin not the same one as my sister my mother isn’t very mentally healthy so she of course felt guilty because she believed it was her fault so she started I guess I would say taking it out on us a little so that made me go insane I even started hitting myself repeatedly we went on vacation after the same day and this asshole of a man keeps showing up at our house I just need a little advice how to cope since I know people up here are a little older than me so any advice I’ll take it please .

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