Is it necessary to move away from home to escape verbal abuse?

This isnt about ocd but i want to ask this

Is it necessary to move away from your home if you still deal with verbal abuse? I hear this everywhere to move away, avoid your "abuser" but what if i dont want to move away? I like our house, i have friends here, this is where i grow up, i like my room, i dont want to leave here everything just because of one person. I like my mother, i like my brother, sometimes i like my father too but i feel anger towards him and i feel afraid when i have to talk back to him cause of the verbal abuses he did to us. But i dont want to move away, i want to be strong and not be dependent on him. I want to learn just to not care what he says, one day when i will have a family i will move but for now no. Did someone here learned to become stronger while they were still living with a negative person?

Username: RileyB17RileyB17

Date posted: 1y ago

Hi! I think if you don't want to move, you don't have to. There's a lot of conversations around what people should do in an abusive situation and while I think a lot of the things being said online are generally well-intended and do help victims of abuse, it's not one size fits all. Nothing in life really is. Sometimes just emotionally distancing yourself is more beneficial to literally moving away in a physical sense, especially if you don't want to do that at this time. Learning to not care about what he is saying is a great way to do that. At the end of the day, you likely know your situation and self better than anyone--especially people on the internet and you can adjust the "shoulds" to suggestions for your personal experience. Hope that's helpful...sorry it's a bit of an over explanation.

Username: PRIV8PRIV8

Date posted: 1y ago

I still can heal while im here? I heared that its harder to be better when youre at risk everyday of abuse. And also i know its very common that people say you need to realize you are a victim, thats not helping me, is that necesary too? It just puts more weight on the problem, like you cant do anything about it and thats not true

Username: RileyB17RileyB17

Date posted: 1y ago

@PRIV8 - I'll be honest, I probably don't have an answer to your questions. I'm not a mental health professional who works with victims of abuse and I likely share the same thoughts about acknowledging that you're a victim of abuse as you do. It can be helpful to some, but may feel like it intensifies things for others and makes it harder to heal. If you need more guidance on this, I'd recommend looking into the abuse network or other reputable sources of support. Hope you're ok.

Username: yun444gyun444g

Date posted: 1y ago

Yikes, this sounds really rough. :/ Sorry to hear this. I can relate on some level but not to the point of being abused. Basically since I’ve moved back in w my parents after college, I noticed that my dad has actually pretty severe anger issues that I sorta ignored for years and so after getting really fed up with it, I sat him down one night and told him how I didn’t like how he acted out his anger in hurtful ways. We’ve have several talks about it since then, so basically now we’re at a good level and I feel closer with him now than really ever before. So I think it just depends on the person. OCD and relationships can be extremely tricky, obviously… so I would say try to talk to him patiently and with an open mind about trying to change. You obviously can’t cure him by yourself though so I would give it time. Only you can ultimately be the judge of whether or not you need to move out.

Username: PRIV8PRIV8

Date posted: 1y ago

I just heared about the word "abused" and every therapy i went to i heared the word "trauma". I didnt liked it cause everything is trauma now, but i heared this is invalidating your feelings(which still feels stupid) but i suffered enough so i accepted that maybe they're right. Till this day my father talk shit about us, its anger issues for him too, whenever we cant do something right he talks shit about us. Not everytime cause there where situation when they were on our side. Im afraid to sit with him and talk about this cause he wouldnt listen and i would just get hurt more...

Username: yun444gyun444g

Date posted: 1y ago

@PRIV8 Yeah that is tough. Like I said, you’re the one at the end of the day who gets to decide where you go (or don’t go). It sounds like you’re coming at this from several angles, which can be good, but can also lead to severe overthinking which is typical of people with OCD. It also sounds like you’re fixated on what the “right” thing to do is which is another symptom of OCD. Remember whatever happens, it’s your decision and situations like these don’t necessarily warrant a 100% right or wrong answer.

Username: PRIV8PRIV8

Date posted: 1y ago

@yun444g Yeah i got that, and i would be happy if all of this would be ocd and it wasnt that bad abuse, i dont say it didnt happened, but i didnt made as much damage as i make it or feel it... i would be happy if all of this would be just ocd,.but it doesnt feel like that, and i feel bad cause people say what i do is "invalidating" my experience and trauma... the bad thing is that i can cry for reassurance, but those who could give will not give so i have to listen this "validate your trauma, feel how you feel, youre a victim"(if someone reading this is actually a victim of trauma, im not talking about you)

Username: heatherjayheatherjay

Date posted: 1y ago

@PRIV8 I'm not the same :) I'm 35 now and always trying to be better, thats why I'm here (perfectionism OCD). By leaving I gave myself the chance to learn a new way of existing.

Username: heatherjayheatherjay

Date posted: 1y ago

I will speak from my own experience.. I didn't know how bad it was until I was away from it. That verbal abuse then became my own voice. And I struggle with whether I'm a bad person so its easy to feel like I deserved it. I left as soon as I could. There is no definitive answer to the "what if"

Username: PRIV8PRIV8

Date posted: 1y ago

Are you better?

Username: Chellie

Date posted: 5y ago

How to deal with parents while having severe OCD? I love them a lot but they threaten to kick me out if I disturb their sleep with panic attacks and I can't really control those except for doing compulsions which makes my anxiety worse long term. Which they also aren't happy about. I'm really anxious about this all as my home is my most safe place so to speak, I really don't wanna get kicked out and if anyone has advice I'd love to hear it. (Also meds don't really work much for me unfortunately)

Username: jmr

Date posted: 4y ago

I live in NYC - I’m 29 and was diagnosed with ocd over ten years ago. I came home during quarantine to make sure my parents are okay and spend quality time since we don’t normally get this time. (Please know, I quarantined for over three weeks before seeing them to make sure I wasn’t infecting them) I told them that I am going to go back to my apt in nyc at some point in May and they FREAKED out. There are multiple reasons I would like to be back in my own apartment, but the main one is my ocd is getting worse out here. The routine is crucial and being in my own home is what I think will be mentally the healthiest choice for me. They don’t understand and I’ve tried to explain numerous times. I’m the youngest and will always be the “baby” - even though I’m almost 30. They worry it’s too dangerous, but it’s just as dangerous where we are now as well. I am so lucky I have my parents and that we were able to spend this time together and I love them so much, but I’m an adult and feel I need to set boundaries for what’s best for me. Does this make sense or am I crazy?? Help??!! My brain is out of control right now.

Relationship OCD

Username: c444tmommy

Date posted: 4y ago

tw // abuse i don’t exactly know if this is related to ocd, it might be but anyway if you’re a victim of emotional abuse, do u ever find ur self making up excuses like “it’s not even that bad, it was a long time ago it doesn’t matter, people have it worse than i do, am i even being emotionally abused”? im dealing with narcissist abuse from my mother and i have been for most of my life and my mind keeps telling me that i’m making all of it up and it’s not as bad as it seems. it even feels wrong calling it abuse. i told my therapist this and she reassured me that this IS abuse and that self doubt and confusion is common but idk why i cant allow my self to accept it. i plan on moving out bc of this reason, but again my mind will tell me “u don’t have a strong enough reason to move out, ur being so dramatic” ugh this is the worst feeling

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Is it necessary to move away from home to escape verbal abuse?

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