Very tired

Generally manage my recovery extremely well when I focus completely on my health but can't seem to balance my recovery with pursuing new hobbies or skills that I want to learn. Once I find something that I want to become good at, it consumes me and I devote most of my attention to the pursuit. Invaraibly, compulsions arise, despite my very best efforts, and I find myself having to abandon my ambitions and commit to my recovery again. I don't want to have to spend the rest of my life managing my OCD and never achieving my potential. I'm exhausted.

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

for clarification, is the new hobby or skill a compulsion itself? or a distraction or way to abandon? just a thought. if not, then I would just like to validate that it is absolutely exhausting, 100%. I find that true exposure for me is when I have to apply the recovery tools to everyday life as I live it rather than carve out dedicated recovery time, except for my therapy sessions of course.

Anon2294

Date posted: 2y

I've given this a lot of thought over the last few days and definitely believe that there's a compulsive element to it all. I think in some ways I'm ruminating over my hobbies due to underlying emotional issues that absolutely need to be addressed. Perhaps I'm seeking some form of reassurance by demanding certainty in which hobby to pursue, convinced that, if I excel at my chosen hobby, it will serve as some form of validation against the crippling effects that OCD has on my self-esteem. Ultimately, this rumination is paralysing me, preventing me from trying anything and only exacerbating my anxiety in a vicious loop. I appreciate now that my ERP work will have to be applied in tandem with my hobbies, that recovery is an ongoing process but can be undertaken while still taking time to enjoy my pastimes. Thanks so much for your thoughtful response and sorry for the delay in replying 😊

Anon.

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

I’ve felt similar to this before. Lately, I’ve just been being actively aware of my OCD while pursuing various other aspects in my life, and actively choosing not to give into compulsions. I don’t want to make it my primary goal, but if I’m not actively choosing not to give into compulsions my OCD will just consume my life. Sure, it’s takes my focus from being all in on a project sometimes, but that total consumption and gripping fear of OCD running my day leaves little time for anything else. I also have alcoholism, and have had to learn to just live with it daily. The obsession of alcohol has been lifted, and for the most part I rarely think of it. I’m aiming for something similar with OCD, living with it, but for the most part it just being fleeting. That took time in therapy, and practice doing ERP. I highly suggest getting a therapist and trying ERP if you have the opportunity and haven’t already. I hope this helps in some small way!

Anon2294

Date posted: 2y

Thanks so much for your thoughtful response! I'm going to try and find a therapist to resume my therapy while I'm living abroad 😊

Anon.

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Anon2294 Of course, feel free to comment with questions if you have any.

Steve2022

Date posted: 22w

OCD back worse than ever

Just been discharged from hospital outpatients after operation and 3 month recovery. There was an ultrasound on eyes and possibility of radiotherapy treatment for a spot there, but turned out it was benign. OCD was quiet during this time. However, now OCD has come back big time, and I'm wishing I hadn't been so fortunate with diagnosis. Tired of going through this like groundhog day, and worried that there will come a time where I won't cope. Can't tell anymore if this is OCD or I'm just losing my mind. All plans and dreams gone now.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 20w

Life kinda just sucks right now 18+ only

Never feels like I can fully put my mind to rest. The problem with OCD for me is once I'm over one worry there's another buried deep into my mind that I'm not fully over. The two events I'm not completely over is when I tried to help a 17 year old with POCD when I was 19 and the topics unfortunately were detailed and even then I explained to them I wasn't comfortable with talking to them. I guess I just had a hard time saying no to someone needing help but it eventually made me so uncomfortable that I stopped talking with them altogether at some point. Then the other thing is being so worried that I committed a crime because my elbow touched someone's behind when I didn't want that to happen at all. I didn't want to listen to my OCD by saying move my arm or something horrible is going to happen so I didn't and then something bad actually did happen. I thought it would just be a light touch while zipping a bag up but then it was worse than I ever wanted it to be and it was so awkward and I hated it. I feel like I just won't be able to get back to the way I was before OCD started all of this. Aside from that I've just had extreme health anxiety but am too afraid to reach out to a PCP even though I need to. Something deep down is telling me I should do this but I'm just so anxious and embarrassed about sharing things to them. I can't even enjoy the things I used to do because this is constantly just messing up my life. I'm hoping I get a start of positivity next time I see my therapist. This just sucks. Feels like others around me are doing so much better than I am and I'm just kind of stuck on these same problems and feeling absolute shame and guilt from the past over and over again. I'm just so sick of dealing with this every single day so I just use escape whenever I can. Even that doesn't really work. I just wish I could go back in time.

Anonymous

Date posted: 15w

Feel lost and without hope

I dont know what to do anymore. I think Ive had the 'pure O' version of OCD for more than ten years. I feel like so much of my life has been wasted from this disease. For the longest time I just tried to ignore the intrusive thoughts, and push them off as anxiety, and basically dissociated for years of my life. Feels like Ive just been on autopilot and a shell of myself for nearly 15 years. Its actually hard to even imagine of all the experiences, emotions, connections with others, and personal growth that Ive missed out on- if I do, I think it would be too much to handle. I think Ive even forgot and dont even know at this point what it is to live a normal life and experience positive emotions. Now that I sought treatment for it specifically, it feels like it's gotten worse. Like by acknowledging that part of myself, suddenly added focus just makes it more real and in the forefront now. I wonder if I am actually going insane. Will not go into details for reassurance but the thoughts just rip my soul out. Its so difficult as well because I will get random 'clarity moments' throughout the day where I feel like Ive solved something, then get completely derailed by another OCD thought stream and forget everything. It feels like Im just on a merry-go-round of hell, not going anywhere thinking I am at times.

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Very tired

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community