Partner/parent who has kids partner with OCD help

Hi, pls someone advise me on this. I am in a loving relationship with my partner who has OCD at the beginning when he confessed I didn’t give much thought because all I knew about ocd was people checking the locks and stove 20 times. But his ocd takes different themes such as ROCD, moral scrupulosity, and last night he confessed me an incest ocd where he felt that his sister looked attractive he also told me that he’s had this thought before which has been followed by guilt and shame. We do an exposure exercise every night about his OCD even things where he constantly doubts his love for me finds another girl attraction and many others. I always deal with it because I know it’s his OCD and not his true feelings/intent. But since he has told me about the incest OCD I wanted to throw up I felt absolute disgust look I know it’s his OCD I know which is why I feel more disgusted on my self that I would feel this way about my own partner. But I find myself having sleepless night nightmare of him doing that to a family member I am in distress but ofc I love him and I wanna help him but I feel very drained. What should I do how can I help him without being drained or grossed out by some of the ocd thoughts he has had. Pls advise me. Ofc he does not know about of this. And I am just pretending to be normal infront of him. How do partners and parents of kids or partner having OCD deal with it?

SleepySloth

Date posted: 2y

Hey, first of all, it is great to hear that you are supportive of your partner and so honest about wanting to help them. I have some suggestions. I suffer from OCD and one of my themes is the same theme as your partner. I remember the first time I had this thought, it was guilt, shame, horror. That time, I wasn't even diagnosed so it was terrifying. I thought it was me. What I mean to say is that the feelings of disgust you feel at the thought is absolutely normal, because it is a disgusting thought. But perhaps it will help you to think of the thought as separate from your partner as a person. It is the same way someone with OCD resists the presence of the thoughts and doesn't give into compulsive action through exposure, trying to understand that thoughts are just thoughts. Because what you are feeling right now, I am sure your partner has like felt that and 1000 more feelings+ thoughts, about himself. Including the doubt about whether he might act on those thoughts. Therefore perhaps, and only if you are okay with it, telling him what you feel about the thoughts would be helpful. Just about the thoughts and not about him thinking the thoughts, because the latter is completely out of his control. Maybe do away with pretending to be normal in front of them and just let them know that the thought causes you discomfort. That's relatable because the thoughts cause them discomfort too. This might help both of you understand that thoughts are just thoughts and not a reflection of who the person is. Although for your partner, it would not be that simple but maybe the conversation will help you navigate this situations better. I don't know if this was helpful but this approach, although scary, would definitely help me with this particular theme.

Bpradhan

Date posted: 2y

@SleepySloth Hi thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts. He does have a ocd specialised psychologist he does to twice a month. But what he has told me and what I know is that he does not do what he learns from his session because it’s uncomfortable right so he uses the flight technique and just avoids situation that will trigger the OCD which might provide him short term relief but is more harmful in the long run I am trying to learn everyday more about OCD and the reason why we do the OCD exposure exercise is so that we can face his fears together and work on it. Like with The incest OCD we both looked at his sisters photo where she looked very pretty I even asked him to set that picture as his wallpapers in his phone which is an activity he would typically avoid he recorded and said triggering words too and we try and figure out what compulsion he does but like I said I have been ok with everything but the incest OCD has made me feel so distressed depressed and really anxious and I wonder and synphatise how shit he must be feeling. That does not help feel any less disgusted tho and I have actually been fearful to tell him how I feel Bcz I thought that would make him feel worse like feeling worse that you have that thought and now knowing your partner is disgusted too wouldn’t that be worse?

SleepySloth

Date posted: 2y

@Bpradhan Hey, again your support and level if understanding is really commendable. And you definitely have a full understanding of how your partner does and avoid OCD triggers. I am not sure if this helps but let me try: 1. For your partner, he would probably have to work with his therapist and just do the exposures. Avoidance is also a compulsion. 2. For you, your fear is very valid and your concern for your partner too. So here, maybe the first thing would be to understand that the disgust you feel is not directed at your partner, but rather the 'thought of him acting on the thoughts'. This separation is actually very difficult but it's something that can be done consicously. What this will help with is letting him know that you are disgusted at the situation and not at him. And then maybe, if you have a good relationship with their therapist or have a therapist of your own, consult them and see how you can approach this conversation with him. That way you can make your very valid feelings known without potentially hurting him. I know it sounds easy and it is super difficult in reality, but maybe this might help? I hope you are able to work it out. Hang in there.

Bpradhan

Date posted: 2y

@SleepySloth Thank you so much for your kind words I will try putting in conscious effort to seperate ocd thoughts from thinking a certain way about my partner :)

Bpradhan

Date posted: 2y

@SleepySloth You have given me hope 🥹

SleepySloth

Date posted: 2y

@Bpradhan Glad it helped. Hang in there :)

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

Wow. It seems you are doing an excellent job. It might be better if he doesn’t share his ocd thoughts with you all the time. I’m not a therapist of course, but I think your relationship would be helped if he doesn’t share all his thoughts with you. It might be becoming a compulsion. He has bc to get therapy or a helpful book.

Bpradhan

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous I just hated knowing that he had thoughts that he dealt with alone :( which is why I encouraged him to share his thoughts with me so that we could work on it together

bubbsle

Date posted: 23w

Tips for Anxiety

Hey guys! My boyfriend has said recently that he doesn't know if he's strong enough to continue with our relationship because of my OCD. He wants to see me overcome my symptoms and learn to live a healthy life with OCD, but my anxieties and obsessions are starting to really affect his life. I understand his reasoning, it's hard to see someone you care about struggle with OCD, especially when it starts to affect you too. I'm asking for tips to deal with my compulsions in the relationship. I HAVE to know the answer to things and sometimes that leads into arguments because even with apologies and discussions I can't let things go, even if they genuinely don't matter or are miniscule issues we have. It's a healthy relationship otherwise but I feel horrible because it's impacting him so negatively, that's the absolute last thing I want to happen. I care for him deeply and he cares for me too, so I don't want my OCD to be a reason we break up but I fear it's headed in that direction. I'm starting therapy soon, but until then what are some things I can do to stop my ROCD from impacting him? I know sitting in the guilt and anxiety of not completing my obsessions will help, but I'm wondering if there are other things I can do to maybe remedy some of the damage already done.

PBubblegum

Date posted: 22w

My partner has severe OCD

Hello i got this app hoping to maybe find some support for my partner i thought about reddit but reddit has become a hateful place and i figured this is a safe place. i love my partner more than anything and he’s been struggling with OCD his whole life he has a hard time talking about it with anyone because it’s too painful he’s stated that it’s gotten worse as he’s gotten older His biggest issue right now is overwhelming thoughts of his actions having tragic outcomes and being unable to stop these obsessive thoughts (such as needing to check out door handle 5 times to make sure it’s locked but still panicking that it’s unlocked) he’s not open to one on one therapy or meds although he loves learning and watching informative videos i fear he’s afraid to confront his OCD or just afraid nothing will help i really wanna help him live a stress free and happy life he deserves it would anyone possibly have any ways to naturally help with OCD or recommend any great individuals that could share techniques on managing OCD or helping your partner with OCD? i would very much appreciate it!

alex_x504

Date posted: 17w

Hello, someone I care about has OCD.

Someone I care about has OCD, he often gets worried to answer certain things in fear that he might be wrong or gets anxious in times when certain conversations such as dealing with negative emotions come into play and in the event something goes wrong even though we deal with the issue it takes him a long time to put himself back together. Often times worried about his image, hyper focused on being a good person etc etc. I believe I’m doing my best but as someone who doesn’t struggle with OCD I cant fully comprehend him and i wish to learn more about it, not just read it off of google. Any advice would be appreciate it. -Thank you!

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