Question

this is so hard sometimes. but I write three things I love about myself in my journal almost everyday, it feels silly sometimes but does help and gives you a chance to point out good traits or accomplishments that you may not give yourself credit for normally

Depends on what your meaning of "self love" is. Is it taking care of yourself while acknowledging both the positives and the negatives? Or is it believing that nothing is wrong with you and that everything is perfect? Here is my opinion on the matter based on experience, personal and not. Anyone can feel free to disagree with me. But I'm hoping this can be helpful. I don't know you. You could have a long list of good things about you, and a tiny list of bad things about you. Or a super long list of flaws and a minuscule list of qualities you find good. The lists are in continuous change. They might shrink o grow in size or you might even find yourself with an empty list of good things to say about yourself (also thanks to ocd). Basing your self worth on these lists can make you feel better for some time (which is what compulsions do). You can feel like you're worthy enough of your own love. But that might change anytime because life is unpredictable and so is ths way we respond to events (and that's for anyone). I think the goal should be to be okay with yourself, because in life you can achieve great things and fail, you can do things you're proud of and things you're not. You can acknowledge you messed up and that shouldn't impact your value as a human being. No matter what, you are deserving of having your basic needs satisfied. Ocd makes me absolutely hate myself for my past mistakes. Even now that I am temporarily out of the spell, I don't feel proud about those mistakes. They're objectively bad. But I also don't need to think about the good stuff I've done to allow myself to spend a fun evening with friends. When I find myself spending weeks obsessing over my mistakes and flaws, there is no list that could give me a tiny bit of long lasting self love (reassurance only makes ocd worse). I can't rely on pros and cons lists to determine how worthy of self love I am, because when I have nothing to put on the pros list, I'd just stop having a reason to take care of myself. And that does not help me become a better person at all. Having good self esteem all the time is an impossible expectation. My ocd may become more manageable, but it also might hit me full force one day. Accepting myself is what will keep me afloat when the worst obsessions will strike back. Forced positivity is just a lifeboat bought from Wish that will deflate as soon as the wave hits me, dragging me down because I've got nothing else to keep me on the surface. It's healthy to appreciate your good qualities, it's ok to feel however you feel about the negative ones (when you can't control the self criticism). Regardless of your feelings, regardless of what others tell you or what you fear others will tell you: you are ALWAYS worthy of being here and healthy. Being a human being is a sufficient reason.

I was using statements of self love and affirmations as neutralizing thoughts, which are a kind of compulsion. When I stopped using it as a compulsion my suicidal OCD got a lot better. So my recommendation is to practice self love when you're feeling good, not when OCD is going hard.