sexual harassment ocd

Sorry if this is uncomfortable for anyone—please click away if it is. All my OCD is real event OCD—I've known this for a long time. But it's not just about real events; it's about what could have possibly happened during these events. About a year back—I'm in high school—I began to wonder if perhaps, when I make jokes, I'm actually sexually harassing people. I'm pretty open sexually, and talk and joke about my body a lot. With my close friends, I also pretend to flirt around—they have all said they're okay with it, which I know because my OCD made me ask. Then there are other times where I make sexual jokes, they don't land, and I spiral. What if I sexually harassed them? What if I'm a predator? Just the other day, I was hyping my friend up because he wanted to ask out his crush, and I told him he was handsome jokingly—he made a face at me, which I assume is because we usually insult each other playfully, not actually compliment each other. Some time back, some girl helped me with a problem, and I told her—again, jokingly, in the way girls in my class usually do—that I loved her and wanted to marry her. In this case I spiraled for a day until the next day, she began to say stuff like that to me too, and then I calmed. Just today, I had another incident like that. For context, my friend and I have a running joke she sells pictures online for a living (I don't remember where it started, but it was probably her) and some kid I'm somewhat close with overheard and began to laugh. We joked around with him for a bit until my friend mentioned he had really big feet—we could see his shoes—and I blurted out, "Oh, show me!" without really thinking, which is somewhat inappropriate because of what we were talking about before. He made a face and said "ew, no" but didn't seem super uncomfortable; we do pretty often make jokes like those together, but never about each other. I'm spiraling now too, wondering if that's enough to consider sexual harassment, or if it was just a joke that landed weirdly. I also know the topic itself is weird—I promise I'm not this strange usually, lol, it just so happens that the times I make sexual jokes are what my OCD picks on—but hopefully someone can reassure me they have similar themes? I know I'm probably overreacting, but idk. I also worry that—because while I'm not always making sexual / romantic jokes, I do pretty often, usually about myself but occasionally about others—I might have sexually harassed someone and don't even remember. Admittedly, if this were the case, most high schoolers, who are always making sexual jokes, would have sexually harassed people, but I just feel so dirty and guilty inside. Does anyone feel the same way? Is there anything I can do to make it feel better? I feel like accepting that I might have done something wrong is also harmful, because then I'm saying "yes, I sexually harassed someone, but who cares?" As long as there's a chance, isn't it morally right that I keep looking?

emma345

Date posted: 19w

Please help zocd

tw: nsfw 17f I have a real even ocd from a sexual event with an animal (my cat) from where I was younger. Remembering it ruined my life and made it a living hell. It was bad. It's not one of those innocent events people always assume because I have ocd and then they get all surprised when it was actually bad and sexual. (animal wasn't harmed though) So basically I developed I fear of interacting or even looking at animals after I remembered so I was avoiding my cat like crazy, but then I realized that it's cruel to ignore an animal who wants love and attention, so I forced myself to overcome it kinda. I basically downloaded a habit tracker where I mark when I was able to pet my cat cause while it's triggering I want to give my cat love and I'm trying to pet her everyday So yesterday I was petting the cat. And she was extremely enthusiastic about it. Like she was almost throwing herself on me to get more pets like kinda agressive at this point to get pets. I started thinking how animals go in heat in spring. But she is like sterilized so I wasnt sure its possible for her. Like maybe they are just more active in spring? But what if the pets are somehow sexual for the cat? Then I thought maybe I shouldn't pet her then cause that's wrong. But then I thought like who cares and also then it will be like this the whole spring should I just not touch her the whole spring and ignore her again? I was also tired a bit so I wasn't thinking it all through that much Now I'm freaking out so bad. Like I knew there was a possibility that it was sexual for the cat and still continued petting her I didn't stop. It's so bad. Like I thought its whatever since it's not sexual for me but now I'm freaking out. Like the whole me being a better person and learning on my mistakes after that one earlier event was for nothing if I was able to do something like this I'm freaking out so bad

Givenup

Date posted: 16w

Pocd and my situation

Youtubers are constantly getting accused of doing p*dophilic activity and its making me think my real events are as bad or as worse as them... Ive vented a lot to a lot of people in the PM's about my OCD... some of them younger (minors)... because I wanted reassurance from everyone and anyone... but this situation triggers me the most because I was venting about my 18+ HOCD situations... In an HOCD support group I was in, I vented to 2 minors in the PM's about my 18+ HOCD situations... The leader of the support group (that i vented to) was 17... I was 19 at the time... the other minor i vented to was younger (14-15)... the younger one told me she was uncomfortable when i vented to her in the PM's twice... i stopped and blocked her after she told me the second time... i kept asking the leader of the support group for reassurance for my 18+ HOCD situations for months because she kept giving me reassurance... i thought she was cute but didnt pursue her because of my age... i dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a groomer in any way... I keep getting this gut feeling in my stomach that i "flirted" with the younger one that I vented to, who i blocked after she told me twice she was uncomfortable about me venting about my 18+ hocd situations... i didnt ever vent to them for malicious intent... I was trying to get reassurance for my hocd... Plus my pocd keeps saying I cant have any opinions online because of my pocd and real events ocd situations and that Im not a good person so I cant say anything online... Also i keep getting intrusive thoughts of people labelling me as a P and a MAP in the future because of these pocd real events... And i keep getting intrusive thoughts of being outcasted and "cancelled" online when someone "exposes" me for my POCD and real events OCD...

ivefailed.

Date posted: 10w

fear that i made my friend feel molested with a jk

I have a dear friend of mine who happens to be fat, and no shame in that, I just like to tease him because he's a bit shy, but it's playful not disrespectful. Like I used to tap his belly as a joke, i stopped that though. One day I was messing around with him and I thought it would be funny, because he was fat, to act like a creep and reach out with my hands with the grabbing motion as a joke, and I think I playfully pinched his man boobs (I don't really remember but I suppose and it's very probable that I did that). I wasn't really thinking much abt it, for me his man boobs were the same as touching his belly: funny, neutral and harmless. But I tried to pinch myself and I didn't like it, i think it feels violating and I'm afraid that's how he really felt. It was a joke and I didnt really put much thought to it when I did that as I didn't have ill intent, but I still made him uncomfortable, I'm afraid he actually felt molested and that I did SA. well he did say he felt molested but not in a very serious tone, but more like a midly uncomfortable awkward tone, like "pause, don't do that", and i was ok, but it didnt cross my mind until much later. i didnt mean it to make him feel that way, it was something fun like a tease, so for that I apologised much later when i realised it and the guilt was eating me, and then he said not to worry abt it. but it doesnt that change that i made him feel molested, i think it's because he's too nice. even though it was a joke. i take it as a lesson not to cross boundaries that have not been set yet, to be careful in the future to do physical touches as a joke, even though it might be normalized in the friend group. I hope it's just that and not something more serious like SA because I really didnt mean it that way, like im not even gay, but still. there wasnt much intention, but more like an impulsive joke that resulted inappropriate without me realising. Even though man boobs are not a se&ual body part I still should have not done that. One day I put an arm around him nothing weird and he told me he was uncomfortable with physical touch, so from then I understood where he was coming from. So I respected his wish and I stopped having physical contact with him entirely. Now lately I've been overwhelmed with a big guilt and a lot of anxiety over what I did that day. I stopped with the fat jokes and just started being more thoughtful with my approach as a friend, just giving him advices, but without trying to make him change anything or making him feel bad abt himself or give unwarranted critics as I did before. We kept being good friends despite that awkward event, and he probably forgot it and it doesn't weigh to him as much as it does for me for what I did. After some time when I was overwhelmed with guilt after realising what I did despite not having bad or se&ual intention, I apologised profusely for what I did that day and he was very chill and told me "relax, don't worry abt it, really". We went to the movies together and I bought him a nice present for his birthday that he appreciated a lot. He regularly talks with me without any problems, he supports me etc... I still feel guilt. I can't let this one go and I'm sure that you guys agree what I did was very wrong and I agree. Nothing changed, we're good friends. But I feel like I commited SA. It's a guilt that I can't let go and probably shouldnt. I feel ashamed. Even though I try to reassure myself because we have the same circle of friends and they touch me inappropriately all the time as a gay joke and they do that between themselves and do not think much abt it, and one time my same friend did laugh in the car when my other friend kept touching me inappropriately as a joke. I don't know. I don't ask for reassurance and forgiveness. I'm not the type of person to self-absolve his own sins. Recently I asked him abt it again and he didn't remember and preferred not to talk abt it. He mentioned to me that another friend, which I dislike because he's a creep, saw him and squeezed his chest and you could he didn't like that at all; i don't think he did it lightly, knowing that guy i think he did it hardly. Now I'm obsessing that if I actually did it, if I did it hard, which i didnt think so. There was no se&ual intention, and i dont think he perceived that action as se&ual, but i think it could be that such physical touch made him feel violated, because a friend of mine one day came behind to me and squeezed my butt and chest and i felt violated. So it could be the same.

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sexual harassment ocd

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