- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 2y
Struggling so much
Hi guys, I am struggling so much right now. I have had pretty constant panic anxiety the past week or so (and before that as well), in relation to leaving my husband. I love him but my body feels so exhausted from constantly feeling like someone is holding a gun to my head. I have had anxiety about various aspects connected to our relationship like intimacy, life choices etc. But this "high alert" anxiety feels different and I just feel so torn as to what to do. I wish I could figure out a way to be in this relationship without feeling so much anxiety inside. I feel like I "need to make a decision" and just "listen to myself" but I dont want to hurt him as that is such a big fear of mine. But I also dont want to continue to suffer from this anxiety. I feel like I made a decision to stay in the relationship and felt better for a week but then I felt triggered and am back in this stressed state. I dont see my compulsions besides I guess being stuck in this limbo mindset. Its hard to capture everything in one post but my anxiety is related to what I actually want with my life and that leaving my partner is what I actually want. I couldnt think of a better partner to have though which is why this all feels so distressing and catastrophic. At the same time being single and the freedom from triggers it would seemingly give me feels so tempting. This is so hard and I dont know what to do! Any advice?