Upset

I feel really broken right now. I just feel like I don’t have ocd. My thoughts feel so real. They feel like feelings or instinct, but I KNOW I am a good person. Idk maybe I am sympathizing with myself too much. I am just scared that my friends or family will find out what is in my head. I don’t want them to hurt. I just want to stop feeling so guilty over something I cannot control. I am doing my best but it is so hard hurting all the time. I just wish I could be normal. I look at other people around me and on tv and I just think I am missing out on a wonderful life. I am scared that I am just going to keep on going and never find that light at the end of the tunnel. but I am trying. I just sometimes feel like I am morning a life I could have had. Sometimes I feel like I am not trying hard enough. And then life just piles up and I just need a break.