- Username
- godihatemondays
- Date posted
- Yesterday
Crying my eyes out
Basically, this guy I’ve been speaking to for a while, we’ll call him Adam, it’s been a difficult situation because I’ve also been speaking to another guy, call him jay. Last year I got my heart broken bad and promised myself I wouldn’t let anyone else in unless I was 100% certain I could do it. I told both guys I’m going with the flow not putting any pressure on myself, I also told Adam who lives at home that because I’m in uni I didn’t want to start anything right now I wanted to just live my life. Anyway, we’ve been chatting really well, opening up to one another and getting close, but because of jay, who I’ve also been doing the same thing with just less secret sharing, I got attached to both. Tonight, Adam told me the he’s still caught up on a girl from last year and didn’t want me to feel shit about the fact he was still thinking about her. I’ve been wanting to tell him for a while that I’ve been speaking to someone else so I took this as my chance. I showed I was there for him but then said I wanted to be honest. I regret it completely because now he’s hurt (he’s hiding the fact he is) and said he needs time. Which understand completely but I’m scared. I do feel ready for s relationship, I feel ready to let someone In but at the same time I’ve built this really tall wall that I’m scared to take down and get hurt again. I don’t want to hurt anyone. I do however really like jay, we’ve been out together on 2 dates and we get along great, I feel happy when I’m around him. We have so much in common! But I don’t wanna make the move on either guy because the last time I did that I got hurt. Now I’m also scared if I get into s relationship with either of them, I’ll hurt the other one. I told Adam I’m going with the flow and don’t know I want, which is true. But I’m reality, I want the guys to choose. Once the guys make a move I’ll know. Whoever likes me enough to show it, that’s who I want. Anyway. I’m sat here now crying my eyes out scared I’ve hurt someone, scared I’ve driving someone to cover themselves again and to not open up. To get angry. I know what he’s like and he puts his real emotions deep. I regret every decision ever and idk if what I did was right or wrong but rn I’m hurting myself inside. I’m scared. Idk what to do. Speaking to more than one guy is normal at my age, I’m young. I just feel like such a bad guy