Parenting OCD teenager
I need advice on how to respond to my sons compulsions..I don't think I'm supposed to accommodate his weird fears but it always turns into a big fight and the. We both get very upset. Also he is not understanding the ERP therapy.
I think first step would be to understand that his fears arent weird, they’re very real to him! It can be hard for a person without OCD to understand how intense obsessions and compulsions feel. For me, when im obsessing I feel like my world is falling apart. I know you definitely want to help him/ get him help but he might just need support from you. This could include listening to how the obsession/compulsion makes him feel, helping him find proper therapy/medication, or speaking with his therapist (if they allow) about how you can help. Also, I recommend not trying to rationalize his fears by saying “youre thinking too much,” or “thats not real, something like that can’t happen.” My parents said things like that and sometimes it just makes it worse. I fought with my parents a lot too about OCD. Please just understand that having OCD is very very frustrating for us too!
Also, thank you for asking for advice. Its good that youre looking for alternate ways to help and how to make things easier for him as well.
The term “weird” as it relates to his fears insinuates judgement and misunderstanding when what is needed is unconditional support balanced with work on your end to not enable his compulsions. You don’t need to understand his fears to be supportive on his healing journey. I am in my mid thirties and ERP hasn’t come easy for me, so give him some grace. There is a packet for family members that is specific to how you can support and help your family member with OCD. Your NOCD therapist should be able to provide you with it. My husband found it helpful.
I understand I shouldn't have used the word weird..thanks for the advice..but I thought I'm not supposed to give in to his compulsions
I have ocd and refer to some of my obsessions as weird, because they are! In the moment they are very real and possible to me though! I would suggest educating yourself on the disorder so you can understand it more and so some of the “weird” stuff doesn’t frighten you if he tells you. You need to understand that what he obsesses about it what scares him the most, what goes against who he is. If he tells you he’s having thoughts about hurting someone in the family he does not actually want or plan on doing so. The idea of that is so horrendous to him that his brain has latched on to it and torments him with the what ifs. I would try to get him into a therapist that specializes in ocd and maybe a child psychiatrist to look into medication. My child also has it and benefited tremendously from a low dose of Prozac. I put it off forever, but his therapist encouraged it and it has been a game changer for him. Best of luck to you both! I know it isn’t easy.
Thank you
If he is not understanding ERP therapy, I would suggest to see another therapist. Perhaps they aren't "clicking," and the therapist isn't explaining it in a way that he understands. There are so many NOCD therapists in each state, so choose another one. With your son, go to each therapist's page and watch their introductory video and read their answers to the questions prompted by NOCD. For example, I remember one therapist really liked Harry Potter and video games. If someone else liked those things as well, they may get along well with him because of that commonality. I know a lot of people already have mentioned that saying the word "weird" is hurtful. I do want you to be aware that most of what you say will be remembered by your son. Even when you're getting frustrated, and you may say things you don't mean, your son may remember them. For example, after I did a difficult exposure, I was surprised that my aunt didn't even comment that I had worked so hard at doing something that was so, so difficult for me. She said, "Why should I say 'good job' when normal people do that every day." You words matter so much! ERP is about not giving into the compulsions. But in the beginning, there has to be a lot of leeway. If you threw someone in the pool who didn't know how to swim, would you expect them to immediately start swimming? No, they'd drown. You'd give them a life vest, then a floatie, then a paddle board, then a noodle, until they don't need support at all. I really think you need a new therapist to help both of you navigate this difficult journey a little bit better. Wishing you the best of luck!
Hello ?? I’m new here. I’m a mother to a 7 year old boy that has not only been diagnosed with Autism Spectrum, Sensory Integration, ADHD but also OCD. He is afraid or germs, and he’s constantly asking me for reassurance with bad thoughts he is having. From his mind telling him he’s going to hurt me but he doesn’t want to, to telling me his mind is saying he likes boys but he thinks it’s nasty, to constantly repeating things that he did bad years ago that no longer matter even tho he has already told me. Also him saying things that I know didn’t happen but yet he says he’s not sure if it did or if it didn’t happen. To him brushing his teeth and counting. He can brush his teeth now and 2 minutes later I’ll ask him if he brushed his teeth and he will say did you me brush my teeth and if I say no he will say he doesn’t remember and he will go and brush again and again until I say yes I saw you. This is all so overwhelming I don’t know what else to do.
I’m new here. My son who is 10 is developing OCD rapidly, I feel like it’s getting worse. I don’t know how to help him. He keeps washing his hands . He is afraid of touching everything. His hands gets irritated and starts to develop rash but he never stops. When I encounter him he gets rigid or starts to cry . He makes his brother clean himself or his hands again n again too which annoys and frustrates him which eventually cause them into serious fight. He is developing other miss behavior too. How to start with this thing ? I’m afraid if he doesn’t get help , it will get worse with age .
Anyone else have obsessive thoughts about getting murdered? My 8 year old son is experiencing this and is very scared if he’s not close enough to see me in the house. We did ERP for scary images but he says he’s now more scared, not less, because the images used in erp gave him new things to be scared about. Ugh. Anyone else have these types of obsessive thoughts and found relief with erp? He doesn’t have any physical compulsions by the way, just continually seeking reassurance.
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