I finally overcame a lifetime of OCD and misery

One day I got really high and I was listening to an old song on my iPod I dug up from high school and it filled me with all this nostalgia and I started thinking about all the dreams and goals I had for life that I gave up on over the years. The message of the lyrics was about learning how to live right here and right now in the moment, and it finally hit me that this body and life are temporary, and every second that passes I am aging and dying. Once I realized and understood that that my present self will not be alive to see tomorrow, because we are always changing and every second that passes you're a different person than you were before. So basically I realized I've been living either in the past or just constantly worrying about the future, and I was never present in the moment to enjoy the things and the people around me, because they're not going to be there forever. It just finally snapped in my head during this really emotional moment that even though I was suicidal on a daily basis and hate every moment of my existence, I decided that I don't want to live like that anymore and that I want to enjoy the time I have left and experience the things I deprived myself from. I've been in my own personal hell and only just realized that I have been doing this to myself. A little self compassion can make all the difference in your life. I realized if Iwant to break out of my robotic and compartmentalized life and routines, I had to act immediately, as soon as I came to a decision or felt emotionally inspired, If I let it hang on the back burner the days would keep piling up and that inspiration and desire gets pushed further and further away, then I'm stuck in a stagnant state of dissociation and next thing I know 10 years have come and gone. I literally slept in a chair for almost 10 years because I didn't want to contaminate my own room. I also realized that the further I went into the identity of me as an individual organism, the more miserable I was. So I zoomed out my perspective and pulled myself out of the labyrinth of my mind, and suddenly I can see all the people and things happening around me and you just have no idea how powerful your thoughts really are. By simply changing that perspective I realized that things felt hard and impossible because I was telling myself that it was hard and impossible. I had already decided that it was going to be soul draining and that I couldn't do it so I just existed in this quasi state. I tried an experient. My PTSD and dissociation and OCD routines feel like quicksand and it's always pulling me in and I have to constantly struggle to maintain this sense of self awareness. I kept thinking about how hard it was going to be to keep struggling in an uphill battle throughout my life to maintain this awareness and empowerment. Then I tried the experiment of switching my thoughts upside down. I decided and wilfully thought to myself that the hill is now upside down and rather than an uphill battle, its now a downhill momentum that I can just let happen. What's crazy is it fucking worked. I instantly felt all the stress leave my body and the weight on my shoulders lifted. That was the first time I was able to fully relax in my entire life.

Hey, check my reply to the first comment!

Hey, check my reply to the first comment!