Overthinking

Today I was officially diagnosed, and a lot of my thoughts all day have been “man, what if I actually don’t have it and I exaggerated my symptoms or something.” I had this thought especially because I hadn’t had a really bad episode in a while. But then sure enough, I had a little episode tonight. I feel like I might’ve brought it upon myself, at least in small part. Having difficulty separating OCD paranoia from real life problems to be considered with at the moment 👎🏻 Gonna sleep on it! 🙏🏻❤️

I've gotten diagnosed with OCD and I'm in therapy. But I'm worried that I don't have OCD/that I got misdiagnosed. And recently I'm worried that I've just gotten myself into a habit of thinking of dirty minded or just plain old terrible things after I see/hear certain things because I feel like I need to prove I have OCD or else I'm faking(sometimes this goes away). Or that I'm just mimicking symptoms of ocd to cope with real problems I may have and that im just really deep into denial. I don't know...I'm just so tired. I mean, what if I really am what I think I am and this is my brains only way of coping? I don't even really feel anything towards most of the thoughts anymore either I just know they go against my values and I don't want them. I don't know if that's because I'm so mentally exhausted, I just don't care, or that the thoughts are true and I'm comfortable with them.

That’s kinda my question. All my thoughts feel so realistic and so now I doubt if they are ocd and if I just can’t make my mind up about something and I’m using ocd as an excuse or something idc I feel like this post is word vomit.