Hard ish day ~ flare up ~ PMS ~ ROCD ~ META OCD

My monthly friend starts in like five days and I can definitely feel it coming. It’s playing with my OCD symptoms big time today. It’s tolerable but it’s a struggle at the same time. Also add the fact that my ex boyfriend from high school looked at my profile and I could see he viewed one of my stories and that triggered my ROCD. Now I’m dealing with a flare up of ROCD and general fear of never getting better once again. It’s not BAD BAD but I’m still so scared it will get bad bad again. Why does ocd have to attack everything I love? I’m like catching myself ruminating about whether or not I have ocd or not all day and the ROCD thoughts hurt the most. I love my boyfriend so much. I’m so afraid he’s gonna find out I have it this bad sometimes and then leave me, but I know he wouldn’t. Gosh he’s my world. I wish ocd would just leave the one healthy relationship I’ve had alone. We’ve been together for five years and have a house and dog together. He’s my best friend and he makes me feel so safe and happy. OCD needs to just get lost dude. The symptoms usually stick in my chest, like an anxious body feeling. And sometimes it makes me feel like I’m alone it it cause I never see anyone else having anxiety feelings in there chest. I just have to remember to Sit with it. What goes up must come down. I choose my boyfriend no matter what ocd says.

ivbz

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

My anxiety symptoms are in my chest. You are not alone! I struggle with ROCD too, was recently diagnosed. I’ve been struggling really badly and my ROCD is convincing me I have to break up with my boyfriend to stop feeling anxious. I know I have to tackle this but it’s scary. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! We will get through this

Dj-is-living

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@ivbz Thank you so much for reminding me I’m not alone! If you ever need to talk to someone about it I’m defiantly here. I have a few different ways of messaging if you ever want to speak. I was diagnosed with ocd during summer, it was the first real time it hit harder then ever. It caused such a terrible depression. I was convinced I had to start a whole new life and leave my boyfriend to get the anxiety to go away, when before the onset of the panic all I wanted was to get married and have babies and never thought twice. I still want that now more then ever. OCD is just so opposite of everything about me and it’s scary and irritating. I did therapy for a few months and learned how to manage with ERP, and I’m also taking medication to alleviate the severity of how bad it can get and I gotta say it has helped tremendously. Anytime my symptoms spike again I get so scared though. This stuff is rough but you are right; we will get through this. 💕💕✨✨💕💕✨✨💕💕

ivbz

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Dj-is-trying Yes let’s connect! Sounds like we are going thru similar stuff. What method of communication do you prefer? :) send you lots of love 🫶🏼

Dj-is-living

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@ivbz Just did a rough exposure today and I’m feeling the after effect’s. Bah but I’m getting through it.

Dj-is-living

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Dj-is-trying I use Snapchat often, Instagram as well

ivbz

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Dj-is-trying What’s your Instagram? :) Ahhh I’m about to start ERP/ exposures so soon I will know that feeling

Nica

Date posted: 2y

My period’s been weird in that I have a massive headache and I’m craving SO much carbs and if I don’t get it, I’m snappy 😆 I hate it but remember that it eventually ends.

Anonymous

Date posted: 15w

A couple questions about rocd

I hate myself a lot and don’t understand. I do so well for a few days then spiral and feel so awful bc it feels true. The BIGGEST and WORST trigger and theme has been my brother old friend ish who I had a crush on yrs ago. Since my ocd returned once I got in a relationship (after many yrs of being hidden) this theme is the most brutal. For some background I had a crush on my current boyfriend last year in February til May and we were friends then we started talking officially in end of May then dating in 2 week of June. I was obsessed w him 100%. The one time I even saw this old crush and the mall and my 1 friend and I followed him bc like old crush yk and I literally like stopped caring like idk how to explain it bc it was a while ago, but it didn’t matter to me. I eventually walked away and then later used that as an excuse to talk to my biggest crush (my current bf). Since we began dating, my ocd has been brutal. My little brother mentioned the old crush the one day saying “you still love him ur lying to urself rn by being w ur bf” and then it sent my mind on its first loop ab that guy. Since then, it’ll return getting worse and worse. (Sometimes I actually don’t care and it won’t feel as tru and ik it’s fake, but others it’s terrible) I hate it. And I feel so awful like I needa check to make sure I don’t like him. Yet logically why would I check my feelings. Ik I love my man bc everything ab him I love and he’s my comfort and best friend. But I get so stuck up in the confusion of all the thoughts ab this other guy and all I have wanted for the 10 months I’ve been dating my man is to go back to normal. Back to myself. The one who was head over heels obsessed w my man and completely forgetting ab the other ppl. But my brain says I can’t bc a part of me will always want the other guy or some other lame bs excuse and it hurts me so much and my man sometimes too. I’m considering medication but will it truly work? Will it make my thoughts go away? I hate how real/ true they feel I feel like a cheater or like I am lying to my man. I feel like rn when I say I love him, that I’m a liar😖for the past 3 days I was better. I gave it up and let God help me, but last night into today I’m lost. Are we sure ocd attacks wuts most important to us? Bc why is it so persistent and evil

ellij

Date posted: 10w

ROCD flare up

Lately my ROCD has been flaring up, making it difficult to even be around my partner. I’m having so many troubling thoughts with the one that bugs me most being, “maybe this isn’t my OCD, maybe I’m just in a bad relationship and I’m trying to cover it up and blame it on OCD”. This thought really scares me because there are valid doubts in my relationship but my boyfriend and I have openly talked about them and are trying to work through. My OCD won’t take that as an option tho. It makes me feel like I need to be 100% certain that these things can NEVER happen again or else we need to break up immediately. So anything he says in that moment about trying to do better, my OCD will not trust anything he says and just wait until the next “bad thing” happens. When I continuously bring these things up to my boyfriend even tho nothing has happened between these conversations, it exhausts him making it feel like he can never do enough. I feel so bad because I know it’s just my OCD getting in the way. But then that thought creeps in saying I can’t trust him because I need to protect myself. It’s just an ongoing cycle that is so tiring. I don’t even know what I want anymore. We are very opposite when it comes to emotions. I am very in tune and very emotionally intelligent, and he is not. He is the opposite. I do recognize that my anxious attachment style may be hard for him too but I can’t stop thinking about all of his flaws and all of the things he needs to do to make our relationship better. It makes me feel like I’m the only one putting in effort when in reality that is not true. But my OCD does make me feel like he doesn’t really love me or want to be with me and that he feels forced to be with me or do things for me. It makes me feel like him being with me is like a chore. Can anyone relate? My OCD just makes me feel like I can’t trust anything he says to make our relationship better.

Relationship OCD

LV4523

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 10w

Hard day

Having a little bit of a rough morning. My boyfriend and I are finally ending long distance next month and moving in together! I’m so excited, but the big change means some ROCD and SOOCD flaring up. I also got triggered by a tik tok of a bisexual woman this morning. I’ve been ruminating about: - ending long distance and being in a more consistent routine will make me realize I don’t actually love him and that we’re not compatible - I will not like spending so much time with a man but I enjoyed a long vacation with a girl friend one time (my best friend and I took a 7 week trip to Europe after we graduated college early and I had so much fun and we hardly fought / disagreed) - if i have been suppressing my attraction to women, even though I really don’t think I have feelings for women. I admire their beauty and always have, but I truly think that’s as far as it goes - substance use ocd also came up this morning? Worrying that I will become an alcoholic / that I secretly want to drugs and drink all the time I’m also getting my period in a few days and have flair ups around this time and my ovulation time. Just looking for support 🫶🏼

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Hard ish day ~ flare up ~ PMS ~ ROCD ~ META OCD

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