Being a burden

I am married and neither,my husband or children understand what it feels like to have OCD. I have had it for some time now. Sometimes ig gets better while other times it acts up and feels just awful!! During these especially awful times I worry more, voice what I am worried about, and just feels depressed. I got even more depressed whwn my family members insult me because of my ocd. I know I should not voice my worries etc ask I am thinking that is a,compulsion but sometimes I do. I regret it afterward,cuz nothing food really happens as a result. More often I am judged, called names and then I really get depressed!!!! It sometimes tanes me days to feel better acter one of those wpisodes! I guess besides not viucing my worries what can I do in a family that does so ma y things that upset me....and it would wvwn if I did nit have ocd!!! I meant WE all have to live together and trust me....there are things they so that for sure woyld have bothered me way before I had o d! ,They would bother the father and son on the TV show Sanford and Son!!! How so I just,live in same house,all the,whike pretending those things,don't bother me? I meant I am the mom. Don't I get some say so without being called names etc?

How do you deal with so many bad things that OCD makes you think about? Because ever since my therapist said it might not be OCD, even though that she believe it is, I think a lot that if it isn't, So I created such bad thoughts in my head. And my god, what a horrible thing. I never wanted this. My parents don't deserve such a bad daughter.

I had like a really bad argument with my mom basically about her complaining about my “attitude” and “constant arrogance” like okay firstly 😭 yes i do have an attitude and am irritable but im not THAT bad 😭🙏 she was saying that im a “pest” and that “its not enjoyable to live with someone who makes other people miserable” like 😅🧍‍♀️ oh ☺️ and then i tell her that i know im struggling and that im going to therapy to try to get better and trying to possibly get a diagnosis and she says “your generation just wants something to deal with. You want something to be wrong with you. ‘Trying to get better’ isn’t good enough… would you be able to stand someone like yourself? You’re just choosing this antisocial, narcissistic behaviour and harass everyone… You need to pull yourself together. No matter how much effort we put into you, you will never be happy. You want some medicine? Some diagnosis? Because that will solve everything?” 😭😭😭 and the way she said “some medication”- she sounded so disgusted and appalled and now i feel ashamed… i mean im not officially diagnosed with ocd and it is never my intention to self diagnose- but im sorry its VERY obvious when you have ocd and know of ocd- its so distinct. Everything- the compulsions, reassurance, intrusive thoughts, themes, patterns, perfectionism- but she has me overthinking- what if i dont have ocd 😭 and ive just been lying to myself and everyone maybe its not ocd and im just sick in the head or trying to self sabotage- and especially when my supposed ocd is calm or not as loud i get so anxious “what if i dont have ocd…”