I am so filled with grief. How can I be a good mother with harm ocd? I am a person of simple pleasures. I want for nothing except my family. I’d happily live in a tent and pray to my God. And now ocd has robbed me of those joys because of harm and religious ocd. I am running on empty.
It's been really hard. Church use to be my safe place. Now I feel anxiety going. And I hate to admit that. I hate how I feel and think now. I also have distanced myself from family because of harm ocd. That has gotten better over the past year or so. They say ocd attacks what you love the most.
@Anonymous111 Makes me feel it is the devil.
So sorry. I asked my husband to remove knives from the house once as I had a traumatic memory of my Mum taking me to visit a murderer in a mental institution (he friend who was undiagnosed and sick) and I was so highly anxious I worried I might be capable of doing something the same. Fear got stuck. Husband refused to remove knives. Good call. He said if we start there where will this end.
That's good
It’s so weird this illness. Like why does a traumatic memory or a tv show destroy our mental health and not that of our husbands?
I keep going to church and doing things because I know that isolating myself will just result in more trauma. The OCD in my case will just change theme. It is almost funny how stupid this is. But amazing how much pain and distress it can cause.
I know!!! I have several different themes. And some times some are quieter them others and then bam out of know where it's full force. I deal with contamination thoughts as well and I have been doing so good with that I was able to eat again with out all the anxiety and yesterday I went to McDonald's and... there it was again. I sat in my car and tried to eat it but ended up having a panic attack and threw the rest away. It's so stupid I hate it.
@Anonymous111 I had contamination ocd issues in the height of COVID but these days I couldn’t care less about getting sick. Harm and religious ocd worse than death it feels sometimes..
@CPeach Agreed
Don’t distance yourself love. That will make it worse. Can you share your fears with them? Maybe you can laugh at it together and make jokes to lighten it.
I feel like saying to myself “get a life!”
Please share any stories of hope.
I struggle with both of those themes as well
What brought your harm ocd on love?
I'm not sure. I use to watch a lot of shows like on the ID channel. And one day I remember thinking about how come some people are serial killers and could anyone be one and if so that meant I was capable of it. And it scared me to death. I had my husband hide anything in the house that I may could use. I was so scared of losing control and doing something horrible. I couldn't visit family and stay the night. But it has gotten better.
Maybe this is a lesson for us to trust God in literally everything. Jeffrey M Schwartz has some interesting articles on asking the Holy Spirit to guide each decision
What triggered your ocd?
Is writing on here a compulsion? Reassurance?
Idk. Maybe. It's Probably Reassurance for me. I can't say for you.
@Anonymous111 No doubt it is. I feel I need it else I drown in my thoughts if I am not distracted. But I am going to go and read a book now. Good to think and talk about things other than ocd. Hope you can do the same and hope too in light of this thread you might give McDonald’s another go. Even just one bite! God bless you!
@CPeach Thank you have a good rest of your day/ night
Google and look at Jenna Overbaugh’s Instagram and pages.
Please comment. Just say if follows along the OCD pattern or not. I don't need reassurance per se! My daughter was laying across me and every time I breathed a certain way I was getting a groinal sensation. I kept breathing like that anyways (ugh idk why), and then my mind told me I had hurt/a**aulted her that I might as well do something else to hurt because what's more. So idk why or what overcame me other than the thought of doing it because my mind told me I had hurt her already ("my mind literally made me question what to do and I guess the only thing I could come up with was using my elbow) and causing another feeling but it came across my mind to elbow her, and I elbowed her crotch or side/thigh area. Which caused another very unwanted groinal sensation. Then I began FREAKING smooth out. And I've been stressing since. I feel like as a mom I don't deserve to be hers anymore. Idk what overcame me but my therapist says it's all OCD. I was doing SO well! Is this really OCD? This has all caused me a great amount of anxiety. I feel like a terrible person and mom. I just need help knowing if this is OCD. Not wanting reassurance. Just wanting to know if this lines up with the POCD I've been diagnosed with by my current therapist.
I have to be alone with my children tomorrow and I'm scared. Harm OCD has me panicking and ruminating. I don't want to hurt my babies they mean everything to me. I keep fighting for them, I got a better job for them and I want to create a better life for them. I'm so afraid that I might hurt them so I need to be away from them but I also don't want to be away from them. The thoughts and images are so much. I'd rather die before I hurt them. Accepting the uncertainty of possibly hurting them is not something I can accept or live with. And it doesn't help having existential ocd because that says none of it matters anyway. I just want to be the old me, I hate this disorder I hate this disease I hate me for having these thoughts. I'm sorry for ranting. I just need to get it out. I hate this worry disorder!
My OCD has become so bad and I feel so alone. I have religious OCD (Christianity) and I’ve been doing okay with letting the blasphemous thoughts go in the moment, but I’m so overcome with guilt and shame I can barely function. I can feel okay and hopeful for a few minutes and then I’m reminded of the horrible thoughts and how nothing can take them back and I can’t handle the guilt. I’m becoming a burden to my family and feel so alone. I do not know what to do. Please help.
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