TW Sexsomnia

@BigGip09 Thank you so much friend I rly appreciate it. Exactly, this is never something I would ever want to happen and I would never want to take advantage of anyone so the fact that this happened in my sleep is terrifying to me now despite not having thought about it for forever from when I was younger Maybe I can do a sleep study or something, but I just hope this person is okay. I’m definitely gonna talk about it in therapy tomorrow but I feel so ashamed and guilty for something I had no control over and it’s awful

@BigGip09 Also I yet again appreciate you for being so understanding of my situations, I hope yours is feeling okay today

@Phoe.nix Try not to beat yourself up about it too much. I know you wouldn't want to do something like this but your OCD will take that and try to have it spiral. I also bet that it hasn't happened again and you understand that you don't mean harm

@Phoe.nix I'm happy to help you out by commenting :) I'm not doing so good unfortunately. I had gone through back to back relapses with an addiction I have and I saw something that really bothered me and triggered POCD all over again. I got very little sleep due to these relapses.

@BigGip09 Thank you so much, I really appreciate hearing this especially from someone who knows how ocd feels. Thank you my friend it means a lot😔❤️ And damn dude I’m so so sorry. That sounds really tough and I hope you’re okay and staying safe. I know the exact feeling of feeling like you can’t live in the moment until you figure it out, like this weight hanging over you, it’s the worst feeling ever and I want you to know how brave you are for dealing with it. from what I gather about erp it’s important to sit with the discomfort but not engage with it. Soooooo much easier said than done I know. I found a video recently that helped me a but you can find it here:

@Phoe.nix https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=58dT53V7B_M

@Phoe.nix And although the video uses the word ‘god’, you can swap it for whatever you need like universe, or present moment, or the now, or anything like that. I’m not religious so that’s what I do

@Phoe.nix Thanks for the link. I think it would help and I also think sticking with my morals and not letting the thoughts have any power helps. I can't stop thinking about it but I hope it goes away with time

@BigGip09 No problem and of course yes that makes a lot of sense I’m trying that too… it’s definitely so hard especially when we are coming from a place of empathy. What I try to keep in mind I guess is that in the past I’ve always been the most grateful for the hardest times in my life because I feel like I learned the most at those times. Like I’ve come out of them with a higher perspective and a way from preventing further mistakes. Not that other mistakes won’t happen because they will, but all of the hardest times in my life have ended up being the most enlightening

@Phoe.nix In a way, yeah you could say that. It's just with this one thing I feel like I'm not learning the lesson yet because the same behavior keeps repeating time and time again and that's what makes me unhappy. I just have to work on not doing that and overall just holding myself to a higher standard. This is really hard with intrusive thoughts keeping me down along with the past and how my mind thinks of me

@BigGip09 I totally understand, I am going thru the same. But you have awareness of your behaviors which is much better than most people who are living their life on autopilot without any self awareness. And, coming from an understanding of this ocd perspective, your behaviors are probably not as dangerous as you think- I know we tend to distort what happens because ocd wants us to loathe ourselves when in reality most people outside of our head probably don’t even notice. Damn I guess this is a good reminder for me too

@Phoe.nix That's a good way to look at it. My situation has definitely happened for other people with POCD and I've seen them unfortunately. I hate that it was so easy to have it happen without even trying. But in some ways, I think my hyper self awareness can be a little indicator to keep on track with what I wanna do. I know that sounds a little strange. Most times this doesn't help but sometimes I think it can. I just hope I stop thinking about it.

@BigGip09 No I totally get that, I just hope it can soften for both of us. Like I want to be able to stick to my morals to an extent I believe in, and at the same time want to be able to enjoy the day to day without fear. We will get there❤️