Being alone is a trigger

i really feel you. i do. when im distracted by things like hanging with my boyfriend i usually don’t have to think about certain things that trigger me, of course i still do but its not as much when im just all alone . i hate it. i really feel what you said when you said you wish you were the person you were back then. i wasn’t the best person either lol but i definitely didn’t have these triggers that i have now. i hate it. youre not alone.

Being alone was a HUGE trigger for me. But through ERP and just allowing myself to spend time alone it has gotten a lot easier. I’m actually starting to somewhat enjoy my time alone sometimes too which I never thought I’d be able to do! I avoided spending time alone for so long it became exhausting

The first thing I try and do is remember those are all just thoughts and thinking patterns. They make you feel a certain way because of the meaning attached. I’m having a day where I’m ruminating myself more than I want to. For me it’s about letting go. Accepting that my thoughts might be right, but they’re not the star of the show. The key is breaking the rumination cycle. A practical way to that starts with awareness. Once you recognize the monster be it, negative thought cycles, past thinking, future worries, intrusive thoughts, just allow them to perhaps be true. An example for me is I might be spiraling about depression. Omg I feel down, am I depressed? What if I feel like this forever? What if I don’t tend to this thought and I become depressed and so on. When I’m aware of those thoughts even if for a moment, I can the say, “sure. Probably. I’m probably depressed. God I trust you. I trust myself.” Then I move on. I might still be anxious for a little while, I might have the thoughts screaming in the background, but I give them the space to scream for a bit and I give my attention to what’s in front of me. Family, movie, show, nature, prayer, meditation, ect… the part we stumble a lot is when we use neutral responses or agree with our thoughts as therapy we think if the intrusive thoughts persist in our head while we try and focus or be present, we aren’t present or we’re doing it wrong. In reality that’s normal. The intrusive thoughts aren’t instantly erased when you use those responses. Those responses help you detach meaning to those thoughts. They help you let go. When you become bombarded with thoughts or feelings when you’re trying to focus that’s normal. Keep on pushing through and it gets easier. Rinse and repeat this over and over and above all have some compassion for you. In spite of the negative self defeating thoughts and feelings. I hope this helps.

I know how you feel. This was a trigger of mine a couple months ago. I was always looking for a distraction of some sort or I was avoiding going home in fear of being alone and I would go to the gym sometimes 2 or 3 times a day. I still sometimes battle with my ocd from time to time but what I have learned through therapy is not to self reassure or look through google or research symptoms. Don’t try to figure out why your having these thoughts or feelings just let them come and go because OCD feeds off of the “what ifs” so the more your stuck in that cycle of “what if” the worse it tends to get. “What if I’m stuck like this forever” “what if I act on my intrusive thoughts” and ERP has taught me to just say “hey I may or may not be stuck like this” “I may or may not act on my intrusive thoughts, I don’t have the answers to that” uncertainty drives OCD. OCD has to be 100 % certain or it triggers. So the more you become ok with uncertainty the better it gets. It’s tough at first but it gets better I promise

Thanks all of you. I'm just trying to be kinder to myself. The same way I treat my friends is how I want to treat myself. I'm just tired of holding myself to a low standard which is struggling with an addiction and thinking I'm a bad person everyday. I just want a break. I just want to be there for myself and do what I want to do, despite what the thoughts say.