My hocd has been really bad this past month. It feels as if everyday is a battle against my mind. I'm so sick of it. I just wanna live my life without worrying about the next thought that I'm gonna have. I was having sex with my girlfriend and it was great till the thoughts came up. It kept bringing me out of the moment that I was trying to enjoy. This really sucks. I'm afraid to make love to my own girlfriend because of these stupid thoughts. It's so hard to carry on.

Hey man were in this together right. I have to stop myself and make sure that I have a good thought before I continue. It's not good and it hardly works but it's the only way I know how to. And I'll literally argue with myself to tell myself to stop thinking and what not.

Jesus that's crazy. I hope your feeling better bother.

What thoughts were you having when having sex ? I can relate I know it's difficult =/

Just images of guys. And the thought that if I like having sex with my girlfriend then I'd like it with a guy. I know it's stupid and that it's not true. But damn these thoughts are constant. What about you?

Same exact thoughts .. feelings that when I'm trying to have sex with my gf there's a guy behind me. Or if I really like vaginas or would prefer the other when I know I've always enjoyed vaginas.

Yeah do you do anything to make yourself feel better?

Unfortunately I drink to make the thoughts go away. Ik it's not good but it makes me feel normal. How do u deal with it. And thank u for taking the time to talk...

Yes we definitely are brother. How old r u ? And how did your hocd start

I'm 20 and I was watching a tv show called shameless and one of the characters was gay and the thought that he was good looking came into my mind and that's when the constant questioning came along am I gay have I been lying to myself for years. Even tho I've been completely straight my whole life and never questioned my sexuality. What about you?

In 24 mine started when i was 19 and couldnt get an erection the thought popped into my head what if I'm gay and ever since then the thoughts have ran my life. I know exactly what you're talking about i had the same thought when i was watching that show. How intrusive r your thoughts ?

They are there from the time I wake up to the moment I fall asleep. But the last few weeks have been the worst for me. They run my life to but usually I can manage. I don't know about you but the gronial response is the worst

Yeah that's how it is for me too. And the groinal used to be the worst for me now it's the images and graphic scenarios I get in my head

Yeah those suck and the doubt that comes with it is a real killer. Do you have any support system?

Yeah they really do. My family somewhat and a buddy of mine who has hocd too

Yeah that's good. Do you have a doctor or a therapist

I'm on luvox currently i have a psychiatrist debating on going back to my ocd doctor

What about u

Nah I've been facing this Illness alone. Talked to a few online therapists both told me I was having problems with ocd.

I'm here with you bro I faced it alone for a long time. Why not go seek help tho ?

Well I'm trying to join the army. I'm afraid if they find out I have OCD they won't take me in.

I've thought about going into the service too but don't know if i can pass the psyche for the same reason

Yeah but I'm not gonna let it stop me tho. I've dreamed of being a soldier for a long time. Has the therapy helped you?

Yes it has helped me. But mostly everything u can find online nowadays through the OCD story podcasts, Chrissie Hodges, and ali greymond all on YouTube

Yeah I've seen Chrissie Hodges a lot on YouTube. I tend to use her as a compulsion most of the time. Where do you live? Was it hard for you to find a therapist

Yeah she's awesome. Yeah I supposed I do too. I live in New Jersey what about u

I use to live in North Carolina for 16 years now I live in Canada. Ontario to be specific.

Must cost you a fortune for a therapist

Yes 260 for an hour