What does it mean to value oneself beyond career achievements?

“Worth as a person” meaning

I hear therapists often say “you’re worth enough as a person” as advice for self-esteem issues. I’m still struggling to understand what that is. I don’t buy it entirely as myself I don’t think I’m worth anything besides my career abilities. There’s proven evidence that I have mathematical abilities (e.g. I have a PhD in the subject). But if you take that away, there’s nothing more. I’m just an empty shell of a person. So that advise is not something I’d say applies to me. At least not in my interpretation of it. What are y’all’s thoughts?

Username: 仕方がない仕方がない

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

I think there’s two things here to maybe think about. One is that you have to understand that thinking that you are “not enough” is a primarily western culture phenomena that has to do with individualism and capitalism. So when your therapist says you are “enough”, I imagine they are pointing to your true nature, your spirit. In that sense, you absolutely are enough. There’s nothing you “have” or “need to prove” to do to be worthy of dignity as a human being. The second thing I’d say is that self esteem is a little different. Self esteem is not something that people can give you. It comes from doing things that are in alignment with your values. Your worth as a human is separate from your self esteem.

Username: TJ2TJ2

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@Anonymous Well, that was perfectly written. Thank you! ❤️

Username: GermanCowboyGermanCowboy

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@Anonymous Very true! We do live in a very capitalist society here in the USA. Some people I know (rather unfortunately) will say that I’m worthless because I yet don’t have a job, much $$, or my own home. Those very same people project down their insecurities onto me, and I’m left feeling like I have to please them to boost up my self esteem. I’ve gone no contact with them, but the damage is still there (I.e. narcissistic abuse). That I’ve earned a Dr. before my name is one thing I did for myself. No one suggested it. I just simply decided by my own free will to do that. So yeah, I guess that’s a start.

Username: 仕方がない仕方がない

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@Josean Those are great observations - like you said I think a lot of those people saying harmful things to you are projecting their own insecurities. Who can honestly say having $$ equates to worth? Look at Gandhi, Jesus, Buddha, etc. There is no correlation 😂. Also it’s very hard to own a home these days with how expensive they are. Earning a PhD takes so much dedication and commitment. Absolutely that’s building self esteem. You seem like someone who can accomplish hard things from my eyes.

Username: jessbarriosjessbarrios

Date posted: 1y ago

i have so much trouble with self confidence as well. i recently got hired at a good job, bought my first car, and i’ve been doing what you’d call “well” for the most part but i downplay myself and my loved ones point it out to me. i got home after my interview crying (even though i had just gotten the job) because i felt like i wasn’t enough and getting that job was just luck. i’ve been working on my credit but to me that’s just what i should be doing anyway. so anyway, apart from my rant, i want you to know you’re not alone and i think it’s amazing you have a phd and you are definitely worth more than just your knowledge. just the fact that you have this app means you’re strong enough to look for help. take it easy on yourself. i hope that helped at least a little

Username: GermanCowboyGermanCowboy

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@jessbarrios Thanks, I can certainly relate to this too. This does help put things in perspective. It’s a constant struggle with OCD. The feeling that you’re “not enough” and the low self-esteem. At least I know it’s OCD, just need to do it. Thanks and all the best to you too!

Username: Artyparty!Artyparty!

Date posted: 1y ago

Why would they say 'enough"?

Username: hestia

Date posted: 5y ago

Just got off the phone with my after hours therapy center. I’m trying not to ruminate or seek reassurance, but even after I spoke with the therapist I can’t help but worry that I’m not just or moral enough. I asked if I should turn myself in, and they said no. I wish I could enjoy the holidays but I’m by myself right now and I’m going through a familiar thought process of the world would be a better place if I had been a different person. I’ve been feeling depressed and thinking about different ways in which I’m inadequate and incompetent. I can’t seem to figure out how I’m actually worthwhile. I don’t know if I’ll ever get out of this, my mental illnesses and my current failures at my work and internship. I’m sorry this all sounds dark and I don’t feel like being drastic. Rather I just feel extremely stuck. Kind of like, oh shoot I’m not someone anyone likes and I’m unfortunately a waste of oxygen.

Username: Evelyn4416

Date posted: 4y ago

What are some ERP exercises I can do about meaning/worth/reality? For example these last couple of weeks I’ve been struggling with intrusive thoughts about if this life/what I’m experiencing is real, intrusive thoughts such as “this doesn’t mean anything” or “what’s the point” Etc when I’m just trying to live, etc. I feel like if I’m thinking about it and searching for an answer too much I’ll go into a panic :(

Username: whatever.

Date posted: 1y ago

Unloveable

Does anybody else feel like they’re unloveable because of their OCD? Like, in every sense. Romantically, platonically, etc . Because I do. Sometimes I look at someone I find attractive and try to see if they find me attractive as well, but then I think, “I’m way too neurotic and I don’t want to ruin anybody’s life.” I’ve been told I’m beautiful so I don’t want to be a shallow, cold-hearted woman because of my neuroticism. I think that makes physical beauty meaningless. I grew up with an abusive crazy mom and an absent alcoholic father. And I was bullied and mistreated by my peers. To this day, my heart feels so empty when it comes to the topic of love. I feel so useless and unlovable. Who cares if you think I’m beautiful? Am I even worth being loved?

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What does it mean to value oneself beyond career achievements?

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