Feeling trigerred and bad. Something happened that i think confirms my obsession. Just feeling really bad not even anxious which is probably another proof that the obsession is true. Just want to cry
A lot of times happens where I just feel bad but not anxious. I'm experiencing the same thing right now, I'm probably going to make a post about it later. I'm not anxious but I feel dirty after I saw a triggering thing and my mind associated it with bad things. It's okay to cry, I'll cry with you because I feel miserable too. But once we are done crying let's move on and sit with the distress. It's okay to rest for a bit during the trail, but then we keep going through hell because we are strong and brave and sooner or later we'll start seeing the first rays of the sun. you're not alone. stay strong ❤️🩹
I just keep thinking of what i should do if the obsession really is true. I just feel like i have no possible escape. I dont want to go into details because you'll probably tell me my thoughts are true but this is just horrible. The distress is unbearable
@Solaris I have pocd. I have the worst images possible every single day. I feel like a monster. Trust me, I know how are you feeling. But I know deep down that I'm not a monster and that it is my brain that makes me feel like one. I'm not my brain. You're not your brain. We are not our thoughts. Just like we are not our heart, our lungs, our liver ... we are not our brain. We are something more, and you're more than that obsession that keeps you making you feel that way. You're you, you are who you decide to be, nobody can't take that choice from you, not even ocd. Also, if telling me what is it that is distressing you can make you better I'll be happy tol listen, without judgement
@Nameless000 I dont really what to tell my thoughts/what happened because you'll probably say my obsession is real:( i just feel like i cant do this anymore, this is the worst obsession ive ever had, worse than pocd or anything else ive had before. I just cant take the pain its too horrible..if its true then idk what I'll do
@Nameless000 I also feel like maybe im in denial or something
@Solaris bad people don't worry about doing bad things. you can't control your mind, it's not your fault. sometimes we forget that. we don't have control over these things and so we often feel like the perpetrator instead of the victim. You, me didn't choose this. You don't have to tell me but I could never say that your obsession is real because it isn't, I don't have to know the details, there is a reason that you are feeling so distressed and worried. You know what's real? You. You are real, you are true, you're kind and good hearted but that side of you has been overshadowed by the bad lies that ocd tells you making you believe things that aren't true. Your obsession is not real and not the truth. I wish I could be more of help though, cuz words are just words... to actually overcome this alone by yourself is a hard challenge... is it something that I could do to make you feel calm?
@Nameless000 The obsession is actually about my mother, and its like really horrible which is why i dont really want to go in detail :( i just feel so distressed
@Solaris that must be tough. I had intrusive thoughts about my mother too and i felt as if ocd ruined by only network of support. I'm very sad that you're going through this. I'll tell you something that happened to me. So I had this crush on a girl two years older than me. One day I discovered that she had a little brother and I thought to myself "it would be unforgivable if i had gross intrusive thoughts about her brother" guess what happened? I felt the worst person on earth. i skipped lunch for 4 days. I thought that this would never pass and that it was the worst thing that could happen but somehow I'm still here and that thing doesn't bother me anymore (i have other things now to distress about haha). Fun fact: my friend smashed this girl that I liked hahaha problem solved right? I realised that I didn't choose to have those thoughts and that ocd choose to target the people I cared about to drop me at the lowest point, to deal to me the most damage possible. If I were to guess, this is similar to what you are going through right? There's hope that thing will quiet down Solaris. I promise. Don't lose hope. And even if you do hope will return to you because you deserve at least that much for how much you're suffering. I regained hope after I lost it and I've recently adopted a new mindset going through my ocd journey after all the things that happened to me and I'm starting to feel okay. You will to.
@Nameless000 i shouldn't have written that part of my friend stealing my crush, i still havent recovered 🤣
@Nameless000 I also did something really bad today and im feeling really guilty. I dont know if i will ever get better i am feeling so low. And on top of that someone in another ocd server said that their thoughts are true and they have proof and stuff.
It will pass, I promise. Maybe not now, maybe not tomorrow but eventually it will. I know that tomorrow or the day after I'm going to feel okay even though I'm not right now. We've already been through this thing over and over and we managed to survive, so let's keep doing that.
I have a bunch of real event/false memory and there is one that I remember I got in the middle of a horrible episode and I believed it was false but now I can’t remember why I thought it was false and now believe it could be real and it’s just bothering me so much because I want to remember the details to why I believed it was false in the first place and I’m just in a horrible spot and feel disgusting and am getting intrusive thoughts on my themes when I try to check if they are intrusive or not and I can’t function like i don’t wanna be around anyone because all I want to do is confess but I can’t because then I’ll obsess on confessing and they won’t understand.
I keep getting triggered by news stories related to my obsessive thoughts. I was feeling ok for a few days but now I'm spiralling again because of the news.
i was thinking abt the time my ex friend randomly sent me without consent illegal stickers to mess with me me and while i didn't look at it because i didnt want it i read through the description what it was. now my brain is telling me intrusive obsessional questions such as "why is it wrong though?" and trying to convince me this thesis with "think about it", trying to make me doubt my belief. it's a question to which my answer is "obviously wrong" as for me is a dogma but my brain keeps knocking on me and persisting with multiple "why?" and "why?" and "but why' and i feel more and more uncertain, almost like believing it while not wanting it and not liking it. im not attracted to that shit, i didnt enjoy this thought process i was bothered and anxious abt it, not liking it but still distressingly seeing it through. but the obsessional question still persists, and it scared me a lot because i gave it value, i gave it validity by hearing it out and perceiving the possibility of it being true, even though i dont want it at all, I BELIEVED IT!!! i know it's clearly ocd, but i cannot tolerate the fact that i gave it validity and believed it even though not agreeing with it at all. what i want is for it to be wrong and for me to be confident about that, but this thing still happened. im very stressed and also disturbed and feel horrible for believing when i dont want to. i also had a forced egodystonic sudden thought like "huh why would it be wrong if one just did it for <pleasure>? doesn't make sense" in response to a particular disturbing ocd question but that was made it seem and placed as a generic question... as if i didn't want for it to be wrong under that generic circumstance and that is bothering me a lot, im afraid that even if it is egodystonic and i clearly dont believe it is right as i think with more effort and remove that cloud of momentary irrationality, that i still genuinely thought that for a moment, that that thought still happened, but i also remember it being an induced, automatic answer... maybe it's because it was formulated in a manner that made it for me to answer that way. maybe it was just an impulsive fast thought in reaction to the generic aspect and premise of that disturbing wrong question that wasnt thought enough and it doesn't really reflect truth and reality of what i believe. i cant tolerate that i had that thought. was i just manipulated into hearing out that question and i automatically believed that doubt and agreed with the doubt? i dont like that at all. I don't believe it is right, for me it's wrong and disgusting, so why did i have a suspension of the disbelief? im stressed the fuck out from this single moment. i hope that thought was intrusive, but also i know that i don't like it and dont agree with it, but still cannot tolerate that that thought took place. i don't know what to do. i cannot tolerate that i believed this ocd horrible take (even though not agreeing with it). im traumatised by what my ex friends did to me. im hoping it's one of the case that i call condition of existence, that in order to check a intrusive question your brain automatically sets it as "true" in the realm of that thought.
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