Username: ocdgirl123

Date posted: 1y ago

autism diagnosis? (insight wanted!)

every so often i wonder if i should pursue looking into an autism diagnosis until i manage to convince myself out of it but here i am wondering again (not in the frantic ocd spiral way, but in the “it would really make sense” way). now the points against it are that no one in my family really wants to admit that i can have it because i’m pretty high-functioning and adept at navigating most social situations, but i think that’s because of their biases or misconceptions about autism. my sister is the only one who thinks i have it and she’s the one who got me seriously considering it. however, if i did have it, i think it would be pretty mild, even if it would explain a lot. if anyone reading this has autism, please let me know what you think i should do or if it’s something worth pursuing: reasons i think i have it: 1. i was extremely hyper-sensitive and overstimulated as a child. my mom says that i constantly cried myself hoarse as a baby, despite her not understanding why. 2. i walked on my tiptoes until i was 6 years old. i don’t know why but i had to train myself out of it. my mom actually got me tested for autism because of this but the doctor said that because i was meeting my milestones there was no way i could be. 3. to this day, i have a hard time maintaining eye contact. my natural instinct is to look away when speaking to people, but i know it’s rude so i force myself to look into their eyes. my hyper-awareness of this can get pretty exhausting so i hate it. making eye contact is never natural for me though. i have to actively do it but i slip a lot. 4. i prefer being alone. i have friends but i can go days or even a week without speaking to anyone. my favorite person to be with is myself, which everyone thinks is very weird. i wouldn’t call myself a recluse, but other people would. my family hates it and calls it unhealthy even though i feel fine. 5. i can navigate social situations but it’s exhausting for me. i constantly have to think of things to add to the conversation to sound “natural” and if i can’t think of anything, i stay silent, which i know is uncomfortable but i don’t know what else to do in the moment. my social battery also runs out quickly and i can be mute for the rest of the day if i get tired enough. my family also hates this because it’s rude. 6. i’m called rude a lot even though i don’t know why. i try to be very polite and most of the time i’m successful, but sometimes i say things in a conversation that makes my family lecture me after. it’s very draining and it makes me not want to speak. i usually cry after these moments because i don’t know what i’m doing wrong or how to avoid it. keep in mind, i never insult people, i never name-call or point out any flaws in what someone is saying or how they look. it’s just things i say that are considered “weird” or rough which are then interpreted as rude. 7. i hyperfixate. i don’t know if it’s the ocd brain or the possible autism but i’m typically very bored if i’m not hyperfixated on anything. i remember learning to tone this down when i got obsessed with star wars and constantly talked about it to my dad which caused him to say “you know we can talk about other things right?” i never talked to him about star wars again. 8. i’m very very routine oriented. i eat the same breakfast everyday, which can go on for years until i get tired of it and choose something else. it’s a running joke in my family. 9. if my routine is disrupted, i don’t get emotionally upset, but i’ll avoid doing whatever i should do because i don’t have what i normally want. in the breakfast case, if i don’t have the usual butter to cook with my eggs, i won’t eat because it doesn’t taste the same. i don’t do it to be stubborn. i just can’t find it in myself to eat. i think that’s everything! sorry for the long post i’m just very curious and this has been weighing on my mind. lmk what you guys think! also i want to be clear that i’m NOT self-diagnosing just as i didn’t self-diagnose when i thought i could have ocd (which i did), i just wanted to gather these facts to gain possible insight if it could be true so i could be diagnosed. thanks!

Username: DorbzeldgeDorbzeldge

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Whether you have autism or not, it sounds like your family is not very tolerant of your personality. I'm much more concerned about that. Sounds like they criticize you all the time just for being a little different from them. :(

Username: ocdgirl123ocdgirl123

Date posted: 1y ago

@Dorbzeldge yeah😭 i try not to be harsh because i know they practice patience with me but i do wonder if all my hang ups about feeling “different” or having to navigate the world differently than them has to do with the fact that they criticize me a lot for my quirks

Username: InvaderXInvaderX

Date posted: 1y ago

Honestly, a lot of people don’t talk about this enough, but you could just simply be a person with certain social issues/specific habits. I think a lot people forget that some people are just different and that’s it. People have different preferences, habits, unique ways of socially interacting, which may not be considered “normal”/don’t respond to social cues the same as everyone, and it doesn’t have anything to do with being neurologically hard wired so different that you fall into a buckets of behaviors that would labeled autistic. One of my best friends and my little brother are autistic. Not a doctor, but to me you do not sound autistic. I think getting a diagnosis may be a little extreme but if it’s costing you mental peace then by all means do it.

Username: ocdgirl123ocdgirl123

Date posted: 1y ago

@InvaderX thanks for the feedback! honestly i wonder if it could be my own little quirks as well which is why i’ve never really pursued it seriously. it’s possible!

Username: InvaderXInvaderX

Date posted: 1y ago

Also forgot to mention many people have very specific routines that they do not like interrupted.

Username: ocdgirl123ocdgirl123

Date posted: 1y ago

@InvaderX very true! it’s not so much the routine thing that i get caught up on but that in connection to everything else.

Username: InvaderXInvaderX

Date posted: 1y ago

@ocdgirl123 I understand! My sister for example is very neurotypical in every way. Basically the opposite of autistic. But she loves being alone, is very particular about the way she works, etc. If you really feel that you could be and you just want to know get diagnosed go ahead though. Being autistic does not make you any less of a person or any more of a person!

Username: ocdgirl123ocdgirl123

Date posted: 1y ago

@InvaderX yes, i know! tbh i’m not worried about the social stigma attached at all or afraid of being judged😭 it’s mostly a thing where i’m like “if it’s true, a lot of things would make sense” because as it is right now i just keep wondering what’s up with me that i can’t navigate life in a way that most people can understand or not get on my ass about😭

Username: sillyoverthinkersillyoverthi...

Date posted: 1y ago

I had an autism diagnosis when I was 3 y/o, but lost it because my autism didn't show up anymore by the time I was 13. However I still think it affects me in ways. Losing the diagnosis was a big deal for me, lowkey traumatizing. However my OCD and other issues are much worse at the moment, I think if I do "still" have autism it just exasberates my pre-existing issues. And it's a thing of "do I heal myself first or accomodate to my neurodivergence?" I think the answer is a bit of both. But with OCD it's hard to navigate the "is it my trauma, my anxieties, or am I being overstimulated by my brain?". All confusing stuff. Sorry I didn't bring much insight but that's my experience with a missing diagnosis.

Username: ocdgirl123ocdgirl123

Date posted: 1y ago

@sillyoverthinker DUDE EXACTLY!!!! so much of my issues can be attributed to my ocd and/or pre-existing trauma but there’s still *something* about the way i move around the world that makes me wonder. it also doesn’t help that i’m a girl and so much of autism literature is about the way it presents in men so it makes me doubly confusing and annoying

Username: sillyoverthinkersillyoverthi...

Date posted: 1y ago

@ocdgirl123 That *something* doesnt have to be "bad" it can be cherished and loved about yourself. But living what I'm living I get how it's also such a burden. Always being unsure about what you are down to the structure of your brain is really sucky for someone with health OCD. I have no idea how to go through this either it frustrates me. I'm a girl too btw!

Username: ccat1335ccat1335

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Honestly for me I do everything you described except 9 and my doctor is considering an autism diagnosis for me. I also have adhd though and some of those are symptoms for that. I’m not saying you should or shouldn’t pursue a diagnosis, just something to consider.

Username: ocdgirl123ocdgirl123

Date posted: 1y ago

@ccat1335 thank you!!

Username: Brave through

Date posted: 3y ago

Okay so i have a lot to say and i know if even one of you reads this i wont feel alone… pls read if you can i would be grateful 1. So i have soocd and I don’t know if I believe it. Somedays i am good don’t feel like i have it at all and then there are days when i am miserable. 2. While i was with a friend recently she said in a very joking way that you have never really had a bf just accept it you’re a lesbian and that put me in a spot i smiles and took it as a joke but it got me thinking she could be right I haven’t liked a guy in so long what could that mean?!? I didn’t have a problem with her saying it and I don’t know what to think of it but with every thought after that i have gone back to this and thought what if this was right… 3. So people i see on the internet getting to know what they really were later in life what if that happens with me?!! What if I actually get whatever realisation it is later what would i do then and if i am thinking of this possibility then there might be some truth in it?!? For me to even think of it in the first place.. 4. I read a comment on this platform that with soocd you just never think of coming out and I didn’t too but then i had this anxiety strike when i felt like i was going to tell my mom or my friends about it but i felt like why would i ?!? Would i be lying if i do?!? What if i am not?!? It felt too real and is that some sign cause that’s opposite of what one with soocd would do… 5. A question which constantly is there is just cause we haven’t been put in a situation like that we don’t know it what if we are and we like it and then what?!? All of this would mean a lie… 6. Friends who are straight and have kissed the same sex feel no anxiety nothing are okay with it what if our anxiety with these thoughts means they actually are true cause why else would we be so bothered with them what could be the reason it could be true but just us being scared because people without this are easy going and which just like in a way proves that we are scared and that’s why we are so bothered…. 7. My past same sex childhood experiences haven’t been a help either what if i was always a bi and now just transforming into a like completely liking the same sex and why was that easy for me to write… what if i never liked guys and all that was fake… what am i supposed to do 8. Sometimes i feel i fake all of it like i saw a girl with a septum piercing and short hair and i was like looking at her and staring and idk if it was my soocd telling me she’s cute would be my type?!? But why would i even think that in the first place…. And then it was like i wanted it to be fake so i just kept reminding myself of thinking about it forcefully so its like soocd and not denial and why would i do that why did that feel so real and so fake at the same time.. its so messed up.. 9. A video on reel o saw of this girl in an all girls school and her parents sent her to stay away from boys but jokes on then cause she is not straight and i was like what if i was put in that position and there are people with soocd who think we never do that but then why do i think i would and would i be okay with it or is it my soocd making me feel so but it should make me feel the opposite.. like i should try to run away from it… 10. And like i said why would i keep noticing when it should be trigger and i should avoid it or switch it off like I don’t understand what am I supposed to to…even when i pray that i am over all of this i feel its always so fake do i even want it to be will I accept this in the near future what do i do… Lastly i just don’t know what to do or where to go from here i always feel like i am faking this and using soocd as a mode of escapism. Sometimes i think I don’t have it altogether cause the feeling of all these feelings being are so real and denial I don’t know what to trust..I don’t know if you guys will relate to me but if you do ig you’re not alone…

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: Skwidbox

Date posted: 2y ago

Worried OCD might be on to something

I'm trying hard not to ask for reassurance here, but I'm in need of some advice. I know that I've been diagnosed with OCD, and I'm fairly confident that I've dealt with it consistently over my life. The theme has changed over time, and my current theme is being concerned that I may have narcissistic personality disorder. While I know that this obsession with NPD is a product of OCD, I also can't help but feel that I match so many of the symptom critera that it may be something worth looking into and working on. As you might expect though, this is kind of a huge conundrum, because searching for an actual diagnosis or talking to a psychotherapist might make my OCD about the topic even worse, or even if I get through ERP and then look for a diagnosis, it may cause me to relapse. I guess I'm just wondering what I should do about this. Should I just live with the doubt forever? If I do, would I be putting others at risk? What if there are actual things I need to work on, and by not seeking NPD specific treatment, I'll never get better? Should I work through ERP first and only then start thinking about this stuff? Or should I just not seek these answers out period? Again, trying not to ask for reassurance. I guess I'm wondering what y'all would do if you were in this situation.

Username: Narwhalxoxo

Date posted: 2y ago

Autism & ocd

Does anyone who’s autistic and has ocd ever doubt the autism. My ocd makes me doubt the fact that I’m autistic, it always makes me believe that I’ve been misdiagnosed and I get anxious that I’m just a weirdo or something and that I’m just really dramatic when it comes to overwhelming situations, when they genuinely freak me out :( My ocd keeps making me doubt the fact that I’m autistic, even though a literal professional diagnosed me and it’s so obvious that I’m autistic!! Does anyone else relate???

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