- Date posted
- 2y
thinking about thinking
I get hyperawareness OCD about thinking. Thinking about thinking, and it starts to feel weird. The process of cognition and then in turn myself and existence starts to feel weird/strange and unknown. You know how sometimes you yourself make up a scary image in your brain but then it’s hard to go away? just like “if i tell you to not think of a man standing in front of you” you’ll be thinking of a man standing in front of you. That but with thoughts & the voice in your brain. For example, you can always scream “aaaaa” in your brain without ever stopping. So you try not to think of the screaming and you’re technically thinking about it. For me it’s like, i tell the voice in my brain which is essentially, me to not say “red” then it starts to repeat red red red red red in my brain. When i redirect my attention, it starts to say “i won’t let you” “i’m ur conscious”. And mind you, these are not auditory hallucinations, im imagining them, technically. I thought these could be hallucinations or that somebody else was in my brain and this drove me to thinking i have schizophrenia to the point i was checking symptoms over and over again. Till I heard someone say, auditory hallucinations feel like someone playing a tape recorder and that’s not what it feels like at all. I don’t “hear” voices, i imagine them and it’s scary because once my attention goes there, it’s like a nonstop loop of saying things i don’t wanna say, like “i dare u switch the light off” when i don’t wanna do it?? I recognise it’s me, and i don’t switch the light off because i don’t want to. I’m so scared of just having a brain. There’s no escaping from your own brain. Just the presence of it feels scary. It’s like i can think things i don’t wanna think at all and that’s what i do? it’s so scary. Can someone confirm this is ocd?